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Substance Abuse
Protecting Ourselves from Adult difficult children
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 636898" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Nancy's post was very wise. Most people who have not adopted don't know about attachment disorder. But JT's history would point to that. He was damaged before you ever got him. You did nothing. His very early neglect/abuse made it impossible for him to bond and unless you see serious changes in him, I would not have anything to do with him. This is a very serious disorder if untreated and he does not seem to b having any lightbulb moments.</p><p></p><p>As most know, we adopted an unattached child and he did it all, including sexually abusing my youngest two.It is not possible to have any sort of relationship with an unattached person. They are only interested in their own needs and will prey on others without guilt. It is the same, symptom-wise, as anti-social personality disorder. Honestly, many psychiatrists are not familiar with reactive attachment disorder. But the adoption community is. We know. We have lived it. Or know people who have adopted children, often older ones, who can not bond, no matter how hard we love them. It isn't their fault, but it makes things dangerous. It isn't YOUR fault either.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry for you. I know you love JT, but he clearly can not love anybody back and that makes him dangerous. You did all you could to love him and heal him and so far you couldn't. If there is any blame to pass around it is his birth family and those before you who neglected and/or abused him so that he did not learn to trust and his developing brain was affected.</p><p></p><p>You, on the other hand, did all you could to help him but you couldn't and that is common in older child adoptions and very sad, but you still can not risk your younger son's well being. He is innocent.</p><p></p><p>Hugs, from one who knows only too well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 636898, member: 1550"] Nancy's post was very wise. Most people who have not adopted don't know about attachment disorder. But JT's history would point to that. He was damaged before you ever got him. You did nothing. His very early neglect/abuse made it impossible for him to bond and unless you see serious changes in him, I would not have anything to do with him. This is a very serious disorder if untreated and he does not seem to b having any lightbulb moments. As most know, we adopted an unattached child and he did it all, including sexually abusing my youngest two.It is not possible to have any sort of relationship with an unattached person. They are only interested in their own needs and will prey on others without guilt. It is the same, symptom-wise, as anti-social personality disorder. Honestly, many psychiatrists are not familiar with reactive attachment disorder. But the adoption community is. We know. We have lived it. Or know people who have adopted children, often older ones, who can not bond, no matter how hard we love them. It isn't their fault, but it makes things dangerous. It isn't YOUR fault either. I'm so sorry for you. I know you love JT, but he clearly can not love anybody back and that makes him dangerous. You did all you could to love him and heal him and so far you couldn't. If there is any blame to pass around it is his birth family and those before you who neglected and/or abused him so that he did not learn to trust and his developing brain was affected. You, on the other hand, did all you could to help him but you couldn't and that is common in older child adoptions and very sad, but you still can not risk your younger son's well being. He is innocent. Hugs, from one who knows only too well. [/QUOTE]
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