Proud of G.F.G. He has been using recovery skills really well

[SuZir]

My difficult child has had very tough time emotionally lately. He has felt himself a failure, unwanted and unappreciated and has felt that he had done everything he could, but it was not enough. From objective point of view that may not be a case and that he thought so tells a lot about how immature he is, but that is how he has felt. I probably managed to steer him to see things little differently from now on, but that is beside the point. The point is that those were his true feelings and it was a huge deal for him and has been totally miserable last three weeks.

When I found out I immediately worried about the relapse and checked all the possible records. Nothing that would indicate relapsing. That of course doesn't mean it wouldn't still be possible so I asked him after he was little more calm. First he told everything was fine and of course he had not gambled or even thought about it and not to worry (cue to me to start to really worry...) but later he came to me and told that he had lied. That in fact it had been really difficult for him. He had not relapsed, but it had been close. That he had used timelocks in his computer every night, visited gambling sites many times, found few sites he didn't have blocks for. Had done countless cost/benefit analyses (something he has been taught in therapy.) He has been doing all the mental tricks to stop thinking about gambling, has been redirecting himself and doing something else to stop the urge (his apartment has never been this clean he says, he has done a lot of cleaning to distract.) He has even left his laptop for his coach to safekeeping for the night when he knew girlfriend wouldn't be home and he worried he would relapse. He has spent lots of time on the support forum for recovering gamblers. He has even had to call twice to local mental health crisis hotline at night just to talk with someone and figure out how to get over the urge. In other words, he has done everything he has been taught and he has succeeded. No relapses even though it has been extra hard for him.

I'm so very, very proud of him! Doing so much of the right stuff, working so hard to get it right and succeeding. That is My Boy!

I did tell him that if he doesn't like to call to the crisis hotline (he said it feels odd because he has always thought it is for those planning suicide and he has not been feeling that bad, just felt very strong urge to gamble. In fact hotline is not only meant to suicidal people but for people in all kinds of crisis or self destructive in any way, addicts in danger of relapse do count and they have told that to him also in the hotline), he can call me. I have spent quite a many nights awake because of him, but there are still few left in me. If he is having trouble on making it from the moment to next, I'm ready to be there for him, damn the detachment. I do know that I kind of invited his drama back to my life with all this (I also did talk some sense to him in the matter he has had trouble with as his coach and agent hoped I would. Even though it shouldn't be my business and even though it was getting more involved with his messes and drama.) But right now it felt like it would be worth it. He is still so very young and immature. And he does try. And yeah, he is my baby and detaching from him is so very hard for me.

 

[keista]

Congratulations to difficult child! Way to go implementing skills!

 

[Kathy813]

That is wonderful news. I love when a difficult child is using skills learned in recovery programs. It is a great sign.

~Kathy

 

[buddy]

I dont know much about this kind of addiction other than TV, family, friends, etc.... my mom said my dad paid for many of our groceries thru card playing days, it was so stressful for her. I didn't really know that it was a gambling issue and even now it seems odd. When I look back objectively, my parents were in their twenties then and these days I think of that as a kid who still needs lots of parenting! (by the way my dad had his own business for a long as I have know him and turned out to be a great guy!)

Anyway that said, I would think this kind of sign is really good. I had a eating disorder starting when I was his age. When I decided I was done, really done, I did work the program and I have never looked back. Once I decided not one more binge/purge....no more calorie restricting, no more heart issues, etc.... I did not have a single relapse. I too thought of it, but never did it (and I have no reason to tell you differently, what would you care??) I think over the years that has helped a few people, knowing they can get thru it. Maybe there is a bigger plan for your son in this. It takes some big character growth to work that hard on things. by the way I called a crisis line when I was in active therapy for recovery...I had forgotten that, but it really did help me shift my thoughts and that is what they do well. I hope he will try it sometime if it happens again,. So natural to have thoughts come into your head, right? Why not reach out... I hope he will try it if he feels stuck like that again.

I am sure there is a chance you will have to deal with a relapse at some point, but he will never lose what he is learning every day and hopefully he will realize he can tell you like he did this time, and that he can turn it around. Our kids can be so black/white in their thinking and feel that a mistake means it is all over. But the one thing that saves us in my house (even with my dev. delayed kiddo) is that he gets "do overs" to turn things around and to move on.

You have a right to be proud, you are very realistic and he is working hard....nice combo.

 

[Signorina]

Terrific news!