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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 718892" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>PTSD is the worst. I was NEVER any good with conflict and grew up in a house with a dad and bro that loved to fight. Add in some bad experiences and it took serious therapy to deal with it all. I did some things I am ashamed of to pay for it all. Then I had a difficult child, who really might have been fine if we had not had a second child or if he had not had a very traumatic surgical experience as a toddler. His own PTSD inducing experience. I got to have more PTSD from dealing with him when he would rage or attack. </p><p></p><p>It all plays havoc with your body. Emotional stress and physical pain are VERY closely linked. I have several physical problems and many of them are far worse when my PTSD or other emotional issues are triggered. </p><p></p><p>Please, get therapy. It truly helps. Most universities that have a psychology department offer therapy on a sliding scale. Many therapists will also do therapy on a sliding scale. You can always sit down with the phone book or a listing of the therapists from your area and call each one to ask if they offer sliding scale therapy.</p><p></p><p>One thing NONE of us ever really think about is that dealing with many of our violent children is actually dealing with domestic violence. Even if it is just verbal/emotional abuse, it is still abuse. More of us NEED to start asking Domestic Violence (DV) centers to provide counseling for parents of violent children. There are more of us than anyone thinks. And it darn well qualifies.</p><p></p><p>My local DV center created a program for me when I asked them for help. I got six months of weekly individual therapy. I could have had as much more as I needed but I was in a far better place by then and had reached my goals. Normally they would have had me take group therapy first for several months and then given me individual therapy if I stuck out the group therapy. They couldn't because they had never had a mom who had been abused by her child come in and ask for help. But I was an abused woman harmed by someone in her house, and that is their mandate, not just someone hurt by a partner or parent. They were surprised that within a few months they had more parents who needed help with similar situations. I only found out by talking to my counselor when I saw her in public. </p><p></p><p>More of us need to go and ask for this help from DV centers. So what if they look at you like you have a 3rd eyeball at first? So it is hard to admit that your child is attacking you physically or verbally or emotionally? The shame is not on you. The shame is only on you if you don't get whatever help you can find or figure out. Or if your child is an adult and is harming you, the shame is on the child. Yes, they did look at me a little funny at first, and it was hard to take. Yes, it was hard to admit that Wiz was violent. It was even harder to tell them that I had to move my child out of my home because I feared he would kill his sister and/or myself and then end up in prison or dead by his own hand. Or by mine if I survived. </p><p></p><p>I knew that hard as admitting it was, not getting help would make living with everything even harder. So I bit the bullet and admitted it. The first person I talked to scoffed at the idea that a child could even abuse a parent. So I insisted on talking to a supervisor and told them. I knew I had to keep talking until someone helped me. That is what I did until someone helped Wiz. Now I had to help myself.</p><p></p><p>We do so much to help our kids. Most of the time we are far more invested and involved in their progress and recovery from their problems than they are. Most of us Warrior Parents have PTSD to some degree, in my humble opinion. Isn't it time that we invest some of that determination in our child's parents? How will our children ever become fully healthy and happy if they have parents stuck in the muck and mire of PTSD? Isn't it time to do whatever it takes to help ourselves so that we are able to help our kids? That old thing about being in the airplane and putting the oxygen mask on yourself before your child is true. Your child cannot put it on you if you pass out. You can put it on yoru child if he passes out. The same is true for so many things. </p><p></p><p>Why not make this school year the year we all go to therapists, our local DV center, or wherever we can to get some help with our PTSD? We deserve it, and our kids deserve healthy parents.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 718892, member: 1233"] PTSD is the worst. I was NEVER any good with conflict and grew up in a house with a dad and bro that loved to fight. Add in some bad experiences and it took serious therapy to deal with it all. I did some things I am ashamed of to pay for it all. Then I had a difficult child, who really might have been fine if we had not had a second child or if he had not had a very traumatic surgical experience as a toddler. His own PTSD inducing experience. I got to have more PTSD from dealing with him when he would rage or attack. It all plays havoc with your body. Emotional stress and physical pain are VERY closely linked. I have several physical problems and many of them are far worse when my PTSD or other emotional issues are triggered. Please, get therapy. It truly helps. Most universities that have a psychology department offer therapy on a sliding scale. Many therapists will also do therapy on a sliding scale. You can always sit down with the phone book or a listing of the therapists from your area and call each one to ask if they offer sliding scale therapy. One thing NONE of us ever really think about is that dealing with many of our violent children is actually dealing with domestic violence. Even if it is just verbal/emotional abuse, it is still abuse. More of us NEED to start asking Domestic Violence (DV) centers to provide counseling for parents of violent children. There are more of us than anyone thinks. And it darn well qualifies. My local DV center created a program for me when I asked them for help. I got six months of weekly individual therapy. I could have had as much more as I needed but I was in a far better place by then and had reached my goals. Normally they would have had me take group therapy first for several months and then given me individual therapy if I stuck out the group therapy. They couldn't because they had never had a mom who had been abused by her child come in and ask for help. But I was an abused woman harmed by someone in her house, and that is their mandate, not just someone hurt by a partner or parent. They were surprised that within a few months they had more parents who needed help with similar situations. I only found out by talking to my counselor when I saw her in public. More of us need to go and ask for this help from DV centers. So what if they look at you like you have a 3rd eyeball at first? So it is hard to admit that your child is attacking you physically or verbally or emotionally? The shame is not on you. The shame is only on you if you don't get whatever help you can find or figure out. Or if your child is an adult and is harming you, the shame is on the child. Yes, they did look at me a little funny at first, and it was hard to take. Yes, it was hard to admit that Wiz was violent. It was even harder to tell them that I had to move my child out of my home because I feared he would kill his sister and/or myself and then end up in prison or dead by his own hand. Or by mine if I survived. I knew that hard as admitting it was, not getting help would make living with everything even harder. So I bit the bullet and admitted it. The first person I talked to scoffed at the idea that a child could even abuse a parent. So I insisted on talking to a supervisor and told them. I knew I had to keep talking until someone helped me. That is what I did until someone helped Wiz. Now I had to help myself. We do so much to help our kids. Most of the time we are far more invested and involved in their progress and recovery from their problems than they are. Most of us Warrior Parents have PTSD to some degree, in my humble opinion. Isn't it time that we invest some of that determination in our child's parents? How will our children ever become fully healthy and happy if they have parents stuck in the muck and mire of PTSD? Isn't it time to do whatever it takes to help ourselves so that we are able to help our kids? That old thing about being in the airplane and putting the oxygen mask on yourself before your child is true. Your child cannot put it on you if you pass out. You can put it on yoru child if he passes out. The same is true for so many things. Why not make this school year the year we all go to therapists, our local DV center, or wherever we can to get some help with our PTSD? We deserve it, and our kids deserve healthy parents. [/QUOTE]
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