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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 631418" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>A few more details...difficult child stopped by the place of work of my OTHER teenage easy child son yestarday..difficult child looks like what he is, a crazy street person, so the other staff at easy child's job were disconcerted, and found easy child with a "some one who says he is your brother is here."</p><p></p><p>easy child son said to difficult child "go away and do not ever come to my work again."</p><p></p><p>I am left to assume that difficult child was planning to make the same offer to him.</p><p></p><p>It was interesting how text-receiving easy child son told me. He couldn't tell me, actually, he had to just hold his phone out for me to see. First he showed it to SO. I asked what they were looking at, what it said, and easy child held it out to me silently. </p><p></p><p>This morning I asked him to take a screen shot and send it to me, which he did.</p><p></p><p>The saddest part was his brave answer to his stupid brother..</p><p></p><p>all he said by reply was "no."</p><p></p><p>to which difficult child replied "k".</p><p></p><p>I will add that neither easy child is an angel...but there is a big line between an experiential teen who is basically a good kid (I applaud that approach to growing up) and a difficult child.</p><p></p><p>BAck to me..</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you, Child, for reminding me of the sequence of dealing with loss. I had forgotten it, and it is helpful to have it presented again. It makes it seem doable, manageable, surviveable. It helps to remember that I am part of a pattern of humanity. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you pasajes. I can always feel when the members of the board draw close in support. We all know what that feels like and how great it is. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think that has to be so. I have always been reluctant to dignify his drug use with the term addict...I think he glamorizes himself in a Rebel Without A Cause Angry YOung Man way by calling himself an addict...I think he is a dual diagnosis drug abuser...but what the heck do I know. And certainly, until drugs (and friends and living like a troll under a bridge) are out of the picture, no contact is the only way to go. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>He did. That must have been hard for him. And his other easy child brother, standing up to difficult child (although actually difficult child towers over difficult child, and is devoted to working out so he is quite an intimidating specimen). Still, when he told me...he had that "its all cool mom" look, and then his face crumpled and he said "it sucks that I have to deal with this." Today he said..."I just wish he would get hit by a bus, it would be so much easier."</p><p></p><p>So yes, the wounds of a lifetime with difficult child run deep. I forget sometimes because the boy PCs, more than their sister, like to look they have it all together, its all cool, I'm fine with it, thanks mom, I love you. I forget their vulnerability. I forget that someday they'll be on a board like this late at night trying to figure out the root of their own issues, talking about growing up with difficult child...and with their mom!</p><p></p><p>I did make sure to get some time alone with each of them last night. I don't think I'll tell difficult child's sister (twin). She lives 2000 miles away and is particularly vulnerable to his behavior. I don't think she needs to know, at least not acutely. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My plan last night was to contact the police. I wanted to sleep on it. When I called my ex, difficult child's dad, this morning to let him know, he initially supported it then called back and said he didn't want to be responsible for difficult child going to jail. So instead he wrote the message about staying away.</p><p></p><p>I went on line to the reporting system anyway, but the system has been shut down. I know it works because once a long time ago I reported the guy who was dealing to difficult child...and damn if the cops didn't call me later to tell me they had arrested him. But right now I'm not going to take it any further. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I like this! particularly the hedge clipper. A friend of mine told me that he used to go into the basement and smash all the bottles in the recycling bin. I did that one night in my driveway...smashed all the bottles against a wall a few years ago. A neighbor called to tell me the kids were up to something...I said thank you, I'll take care of that (hahahahah my daughter is still mad at me for throwing her under the bus that way!!!)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is what it felt like. I was so stunned I couldn't even react. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is. On top of the lightfingered thievery, it is too much. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I hadn't thought of that...it may well be so. I do think he envies his easy child siblings, all of whom are better at school and life than he is. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I DO need flowers! I hadn't thought of that! lots of flowers, with lots of scent!</p><p></p><p>It is really nice that you remember I like to cook. </p><p></p><p>And all the other suggestions are the right way to go as well. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is a good image. I think I will print that out and put it by my computer. The shore is there. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>and again, reinforced. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>haha. no, one must be in the right mood to be saucy. I did play hookey from work and met up with SO for a quick dip and 15 minutes in a lawn chair at a local pool. That was good. </p><p></p><p>I'll go home, stop at a farmer's market, cook a little, walk the dogs, buy out the flower shop (there is a great one at the end of my block), have a glass of wine. </p><p></p><p>I'm gonna pretend I only have three kids for a while. That feels like a relief to me. </p><p></p><p>with much affection and gratitude,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 631418, member: 17269"] A few more details...difficult child stopped by the place of work of my OTHER teenage easy child son yestarday..difficult child looks like what he is, a crazy street person, so the other staff at easy child's job were disconcerted, and found easy child with a "some one who says he is your brother is here." easy child son said to difficult child "go away and do not ever come to my work again." I am left to assume that difficult child was planning to make the same offer to him. It was interesting how text-receiving easy child son told me. He couldn't tell me, actually, he had to just hold his phone out for me to see. First he showed it to SO. I asked what they were looking at, what it said, and easy child held it out to me silently. This morning I asked him to take a screen shot and send it to me, which he did. The saddest part was his brave answer to his stupid brother.. all he said by reply was "no." to which difficult child replied "k". I will add that neither easy child is an angel...but there is a big line between an experiential teen who is basically a good kid (I applaud that approach to growing up) and a difficult child. BAck to me.. Thank you, Child, for reminding me of the sequence of dealing with loss. I had forgotten it, and it is helpful to have it presented again. It makes it seem doable, manageable, surviveable. It helps to remember that I am part of a pattern of humanity. Thank you pasajes. I can always feel when the members of the board draw close in support. We all know what that feels like and how great it is. I think that has to be so. I have always been reluctant to dignify his drug use with the term addict...I think he glamorizes himself in a Rebel Without A Cause Angry YOung Man way by calling himself an addict...I think he is a dual diagnosis drug abuser...but what the heck do I know. And certainly, until drugs (and friends and living like a troll under a bridge) are out of the picture, no contact is the only way to go. He did. That must have been hard for him. And his other easy child brother, standing up to difficult child (although actually difficult child towers over difficult child, and is devoted to working out so he is quite an intimidating specimen). Still, when he told me...he had that "its all cool mom" look, and then his face crumpled and he said "it sucks that I have to deal with this." Today he said..."I just wish he would get hit by a bus, it would be so much easier." So yes, the wounds of a lifetime with difficult child run deep. I forget sometimes because the boy PCs, more than their sister, like to look they have it all together, its all cool, I'm fine with it, thanks mom, I love you. I forget their vulnerability. I forget that someday they'll be on a board like this late at night trying to figure out the root of their own issues, talking about growing up with difficult child...and with their mom! I did make sure to get some time alone with each of them last night. I don't think I'll tell difficult child's sister (twin). She lives 2000 miles away and is particularly vulnerable to his behavior. I don't think she needs to know, at least not acutely. My plan last night was to contact the police. I wanted to sleep on it. When I called my ex, difficult child's dad, this morning to let him know, he initially supported it then called back and said he didn't want to be responsible for difficult child going to jail. So instead he wrote the message about staying away. I went on line to the reporting system anyway, but the system has been shut down. I know it works because once a long time ago I reported the guy who was dealing to difficult child...and damn if the cops didn't call me later to tell me they had arrested him. But right now I'm not going to take it any further. I like this! particularly the hedge clipper. A friend of mine told me that he used to go into the basement and smash all the bottles in the recycling bin. I did that one night in my driveway...smashed all the bottles against a wall a few years ago. A neighbor called to tell me the kids were up to something...I said thank you, I'll take care of that (hahahahah my daughter is still mad at me for throwing her under the bus that way!!!) That is what it felt like. I was so stunned I couldn't even react. It is. On top of the lightfingered thievery, it is too much. I hadn't thought of that...it may well be so. I do think he envies his easy child siblings, all of whom are better at school and life than he is. I DO need flowers! I hadn't thought of that! lots of flowers, with lots of scent! It is really nice that you remember I like to cook. And all the other suggestions are the right way to go as well. That is a good image. I think I will print that out and put it by my computer. The shore is there. and again, reinforced. haha. no, one must be in the right mood to be saucy. I did play hookey from work and met up with SO for a quick dip and 15 minutes in a lawn chair at a local pool. That was good. I'll go home, stop at a farmer's market, cook a little, walk the dogs, buy out the flower shop (there is a great one at the end of my block), have a glass of wine. I'm gonna pretend I only have three kids for a while. That feels like a relief to me. with much affection and gratitude, Echo [/QUOTE]
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