difficult child has had a VERY tough day. Many meltdowns over tiny little things (a pattern I've noticed at school since Risperdal was increased but never at home). Finally gave him a prn clonidine. After he'd calmed down, he sat on my lap and cried. He wants to be normal and he wants me to help him. I told him he is who he is and that I will always help him any way I can but I don't always know how. Then I asked the magic question "How does it feel when you act the way you do?" His reply: "It feels like I'm a puppet with someone pulling the strings" His other analogy was like he "is a computer and someone far away has the remote". I found these interesting and intuitive. He feels very strong and genuine remorse for the way he has acted but feels so helpless to stop it. He feels like someone else is in control and there is nothing he can do but apologize afterwards. I am planning on putting a call into the psychiatrist first thing tomorrow but given the way things have been going at school (now that I've seen it myself), I am reluctant to send him to school tomorrow.