Purina Dog Food Diet

[hearts and roses]

Yesterday I was at Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet Angel the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had...an elephant?

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.


I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's @$$ and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people, they have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say!

 

[gcvmom]

You had me going there for the first few lines... although your title made me think, "Nope, tried it, didn't work. Opted for the See-Food diet."

 

[Star*]

Really? An Irish Setter? ----well if he was sitting how did you manage to sniff...ah never mind.

ROFLMpuppychowO

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

OK, I heard it one other way...where you are talking about someone else who had been on the Alpo diet, and died when he broke his neck trying to lick himself...

 

[TerryJ2]

That's a good one! I burst out laughing.

I wouldn't be surprised to run across someone like that at WalMart.

I've had my moments ... I actually had someone, yrs ago, in front of difficult child, (who is mixed race), and who was told he was adopted, ask me, "Are you going to tell him?"

Uh-DUH!

I said, "No, we have to tape newspaper all over the mirrors at home, and we generally put a paper bag over his head and just cut out eye holes."

I have no idea what her name was and don't care. I just hope she doesn't remember mine.

 

[trinityroyal]

I've had my moments ... I actually had someone, yrs ago, in front of difficult child, (who is mixed race), and who was told he was adopted, ask me, "Are you going to tell him?"

Uh-DUH!

I said, "No, we have to tape newspaper all over the mirrors at home, and we generally put a paper bag over his head and just cut out eye holes."

 

[amazeofgrace]

thanks i needed that!

 

[Hound dog]

I've heard it before but it still makes me laugh.

I had to stop with the sarcasm once we moved down here to this little town. People believe you around here as long as you can keep a straight face.