Pushed over by edge...by me :(

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by alongfortheride, Mar 30, 2009.

  1. I posted a few weeks back about how we had had enough with difficult child and had asked him to leave the home by March 22nd. As some of you had warned, this was too much for him to handle. I had begun prepping him for self sufficiency by not phsyically giving him his medications, you can guess the outcome of that decision. For three weeks, difficult child became more and more distraught at the prospect of leaving. He went through the begging "I'll change" mode, to the perfect son mode and culminated in the apathy mode. We questioned just how much was manipulative. All bets were off when he went to the roof to demonstrate just how much he didn't care, pacing at the ridge, screaming that he was the "King of the F^&#@ World" and could jump (colonial home) without hurting himself. I called 911 and he was admitted and held with a PEC for 9 days and released. We backed off on the leaving home thing as he told us that the stress of that was what did him in. Upon admission, he was having panic attacks to the point where his blood pressure was 193/128.

    During the stay, they changed the lithium to lithobid, stopped the anti depressants, added risperdal and ativan. He was released on Thursday afternoon and was extremely weepy throughout the night. I went to work on Friday and my in-laws came to check on him at lunch time. When I got home at 4p he was not here. At 6p I got a call for the neighboring police department that he was picked up for shop lifting, they were not going to press charges because it was obvious to them that he was having some issues. I could hear him crying in the background saying he wasn't going back to the hospital. When I went to the station to pick him up, one wrist was bandaged. I asked what had happened and difficult child stated that he had cut his wrist by accident when he was whittling requiring 7 stitches under and 12 stitches on top to close the wound. A friend had dropped him off at the ER and when he was done he crossed the street to the mall where he had shoplifted. I brought him home with the knowledge that I would most likely need to get him back to the hospital.

    I watched him throughout the night because he was not sleeping. At some point I did fall asleep and he took 8 ativan and 1 liter of whiskey. At 5 am I went to check on him and figured it out very quickly. I called 911. When I was on the phone difficult child was extremely aggitated and was hitting me repeatedly and screaming that he would kill himself and anyone who tried to take him back to the hospital. Needless to say, we locked him into the basement while awaiting the police. What a scene...9 cruisers, ambulance, paramedics, road cordoned off...you can just imagine. (SIDEBAR: I live 8 houses down from the home of the home invasion, rape, murder of 2 young daughters/mother and fire 2 years ago)

    Guess what...they released him. When he got the the ER he was still agitated so they gave him a shot to sedate him and 6 hours later when he woke up, they interviewed him and decided he could follow up with his private psychiatrist "sometime next week". ***
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your pain and your son's. He sounds very sick.

    I'm not sure who you are, but I think you're the one with the disabled son whom you wanted to toss out because of his apathy. I have a mental illness. Some days I couldn't get out of bed or concentrate to work. Unlike kids who are drug addicts, I do not recommend throwing these kids to the wind just because they CAN'T work (I emphasize too sick, disabled, etc). Your son isn't a bad person, he is ill. If you can not stand to live with him, then I again recommend getting social services involved so that he can live in a group home or with assisted living. It sounds like he is suicidal and that everyone agrees he's not BAD, but he's not all there and needs help--he should have caregivers with him. This is NOT a child I would throw out of my house, whether he worked or not. I would not LET him leave until I had alternative living arrangements that seemed safe in place. And I'm a hard one on drug addicts--but this is a totally different thing. This child is a lot like me. I didn't do drugs but had severe moodswings and learning disabilities and my parents threatened to throw me out at 18 because I couldn't keep a job. I panicked and got married to husband from hell because I knew I didn't have what it takes to make it "out there." If I actually would have been thrown out, I would have either killed myself or been killed. Hate to be blunt. I was mentally ill NOT A BAD PERSON. And nobody helped me, but back then they didn't have the assisted living arrangements they have now either. I would never throw my autistic son in the streets either. We'll help him get his life together first then find somewhere appropriate for him to work and live, but it wouldn't cross my mind to make him leave our home. He's not capable of fending for himself and he is not a drug addict.
    I don't know what others will say. I am ademant about this particular child NOT benefitting from being tossed out and my mind won't change no matter what anyone says because I know the difference between deliberately screwing up your life with drugs (drug addicts NEED tough love) and to be intristically unable to fend for yourself and/or even work. And my steadfast answer is to work with him to find him an appropriate living situation. They can help him find a job that he is able to do. I don't care how smart he is. With all those medications slowing him down and his moodswings, he may have to take a low level job and collec disability. You can't treat him like he's just your regular defiant kid who is trying to get away with sloughing off. This is JMO, but I'm very strong in how I feel.
    I will be very embarassed if I have the wrong person...lol.
    I wish you and your son well--and hope you call social services to get him some appropriate help for a young adult with his challenges. Make sure he will get rides or cheap cab fare to his mental health appointments too. Good luck!
  3. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Not having been in your situation or anywhere near it, I haven't got any advice to give you. But I feel your deep distress, and I just wanted to send you a hug, and my best wishes that you very soon manage to find a suitable framework to help your son, who sounds really ill to me.

    Love, Esther
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for his pain and for yours. I have to wonder if they keep releasing him because he has a place to go in your home. I think I would be hard pressed to ask them what they would do with him should he not have your home to come back to? Would they put him on the streets, or would they find some sort of transitional place for him? Clearly something has to change. He doesn't want to go to the hospital, but he's terribly unhappy at home as well.
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you're having to deal with such a distressing situation.
    I agree with Witz. I have to wonder what sort of plan the hospital would put in place for your difficult child, were he not in a position to come home.

    I do think it's worth looking into some sort of group home, assisted living facility or transitional housing. It is nearly impossible in a family home situation to provide the level of structure and supervision that some of our kids need to get stable and become functioning.

    It's difficult to accept that some of our kids may never be able to function independently, regardless of how intelligent they are. My difficult child is one such. He can't live at home, but he would not last even a few hours out on his own. Assisted living has been a godsend for our entire family. Your difficult child might be another. He may always need some level of help in order to function in the world.

    I'm not sure what services are available in your area, but I would really start advocating for your son to be placed in some sort of assisted living, for his safety and peace of mind, and yours.

    I hope you're able to find answers that fit your situation soon.

  6. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    It seems incredible to me that he would be released so soon after such a horrible episode. All I can say, like the others, is I feel deeply for his and your pain and anguish. Sending prayers and wishes for peace and healing.
  7. Midwest - yes, you did get the right poster. Unfortunately, what you may have missed in that post is that at times he does smoke pot daily and at other times he does not...depending on his mood. So our dilemma was just how much the sloughing was the pot and how much was the mood disorder. One of those chicken and egg questions. Obviously at this point the move out is a moot point until we can get some supports in place, trying to force him into being responsible for his care so quickly did not work and we absolutely recognize that.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Missed the pot, yup.
    I don't know then how disabled he really is. Most our "pot smoking" kids are actually doing more drugs than pot; they just won't admit it and we don't want to think it's true. I sure had no clue my daughter was doing anything more than smoking pot and drinking.
    In that case, I think drug testing him at random would be good to see what you're dealing with. But if he is really a disabled kid, I'd go for the assisted living. You can't monitor him every minute. He's not able to care for himself. And some of our kids, as sad as it is to us, just will not be able to make it on their own. (((Hugs)))
  9. His mood disorder started well before the pot. He is drug tested randomly both by us and his doctor. Pot is the only thing he had ever tested positive for. When he is stable, there is no smoking in the picture. He is also extremely socially awkward and used the pot to establish relationships with peers. Unfortunately, he soon found out (actually, I had to point it out to him) that he was simply being used. Sadly, he also found out that at times, pot is the only way he feels good.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    If he Overdosed on ativan and whiskey - they should have pumped his stomach OR if they figured through blood work that he was lying about his attempted suicide at the LEAST kept him there for observation or called Mental health who would probably (had they seen him) sent him to the state mental hospital for some treatment.

    If he truly overdosed? I'd call the hospital administrator and let him/her have a piece of my mind. WHAT could have happened with him at home? I'd also call the local police chief and ask for an audience and tell them you need help. I'd call any and every body that would listen to me and get my son some treatement.

    Atavan is addictive so I'm really kind of glad he's not taking that - but if he is going to live in your house? Time to lock stuff up. Also - you can just put him IN the car and take him to the hospital and TELL them he is a danger to himself and they should admit him. If they don't ASK WHY THE H NOT?

    SO SORRY - sending hugs.......and a parachute for going over the edge.
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I agree with the letting go of the hospital stuff. Everytime I thought my son was about to get help they would release him - even if he was still groggy from the night before! It doesnt make any sense. It is like they dont want to deal with it. Now I am just trying to see what my son will do - it is scary.