pushover or jerkface

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by EStephens, Sep 2, 2012.

  1. EStephens

    EStephens New Member

    My mother in law told me at a bridal shower today that I would be watching my 2 difficult child nephews this weekend because my sister in law needs a break and my mother in law has a party to go to.
    I lied and said I had plans that I couldn't break but honesty I just want this weekend to breathe. With school and soccer for my difficult child and pcs, this is the LAST Saturday that I don't have something going until almost Christmas. The sister in law who has the two difficult children is babied quite a lot in my opinion and this is the second time in a month that I have been asked to keep her kids so she can have a break.
    Am I being a jerkface by not adding stress to my life just to make others life easier?
  2. chloedancer

    chloedancer New Member

    No, you deserve a break!
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Personally, it was VERY presumptuous of your mother in law to volunteer YOU. That is over-stepping boundaries that I would put firmly in place. YOU will watch them when YOU want to, not when mother in law says you are going to. Bravo for not accepting the responsibility but I hope you develop the backbone I have FINALLY begun working on with my mother to tell her the truth and shut her down. It sounds like she has begun a habit that YOU need to break.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I'm with TeDo... plus, one more layer:

    How often do either of them give YOU a break? If it is fairly even, then maybe there's some room for expectations. If it's not even but they are always there for you when the chips are down, still maybe room for some expectations. But... if it's mostly one-way? Time to find some size-13s and put them down very firmly.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    No, you did the right think for yourself and your kids and you and your kids MUST come first. Let mother in law babysit those kids if she feels it's so important.
  6. EStephens

    EStephens New Member

    Thanks guys.
    My mother in law will keep her grandchild easy child little kid but not difficult child and easy child middle kid They are her step grandchildren and has no problem excluding them. She does give them gifts for their birthdays, but does not show up for sporting events, awards, or plays they are in and we live in the same town. My husband and I are the "paupers" in their family and we aren't included in grand vacations or extravagant excursions because it isn't in our budget. We are usually the animal babysitters while they are away. My husband is providing us a great life and we are very blessed even if we don't have the kind of funds they have. Maybe I just have a case of sour grapes.
    I will not keep my nephews this weekend. My husband has been having seizures as of lately and he can not drive via doctors orders so we will spend Saturday not being a taxi. Hopefully I can stay in my pj's all day.
    Thanks again
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You did the right thing. Who the h-e-doublehockeysticks does she think she is?
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You definitely did the right thing! I would be so ticked she even assumed you would-geez!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    An emergency or scheduling conflict on someone else's part does NOT mean you need to drop everythng to help them. It was astuondingly rude for your mother in law to inform you that you were babysitting while at a very public event. She likely thought you wouldn't want to say no to her in front of everyone. I am glad that you DID say no.

    Saying yes to babysitting this way would have opened you up to be the no-notice sitter who is always available and never too busy for them to just drop the kids off whenever they want to.

    You were NOT a jerkface in ANY way. Well, if you shoved a piece of cake into mother in law's face or poured a drink on her dress 'accidentally', then you might be a jerkface. With a big smile.
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I think that if she needed help your sister in law should call you and ask her yourself, not have your mother in law order you around and tell you when you will babysit your nephews. I think that you did the right by saying no.

    I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister in law, but maybe you guys could work things out so that you could take each other's kids once a month or so. This way both of you can get a break. Just a thought.
  11. EStephens

    EStephens New Member

    Thanks again guys!
    Bunny sister in law lives almost 3 hours away and my difficult child terrifies her.

    Neither of her children have diagnosis 1 is an aspie if I have ever seen it and the other is just an odd duck. ( she will not have him tested for fear he could be an aspie and then what would her friends think.). They have all kind of jumped on the train of thought that my difficult child doesn't have Asperger's. They think I just want an excuse to let him get away with his bad behavior.
    It's cool though because when my son graduates high school I will know that we did it without the support he so rightly deserved from his extended family.
  12. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Wow, she told you, you would be watching your 2 difficult child nephews? Please do not give it a moment of thought. Ugh, sometimes people just amaze me. Good and bad. I see in your signature, sassy, ornery and outspoken. I guess you don't want to make the mother in law mad? Enjoy your day off without the difficult child and if sister in law needs a babysitter, they can use some of that extravagant traveling money if she needs a break that badly. Maybe mother in law can chip in???
  13. EStephens

    EStephens New Member

    Yes I will not tell her off 1. Because it would do no good and she would get to be the victim of mean ol me and 2. My husband asked me not to.
  14. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I never really wanted to **** mine off either, she scared me. LoL. Sounds like you definately did the right thing!!!!!
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Stand your ground! She'll be back.
  16. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Another vote for You Did The Right Thing.
    Your mother in law is a bully, and if you let her get away with it she'll keep pushing you.

    Hope you enjoy your peaceful time, and that you do get to spend the day in your pyjamas.