Put the detachment in motion - and the gaslighting begins.

[pigless in VA]

LBL, if you search on mcdonna's name there is a way to access all her posts to see what else she has written. You can also send her a private message. I thought she did a great job of illustrating the gaslighting which I think will help other parents cope.

 

[Littleboylost]

LBL, if you search on mcdonna's name there is a way to access all her posts to see what else she has written. You can also send her a private message. I thought she did a great job of illustrating the gaslighting which I think will help other parents cope.

It certainly has thank you. I am really having trouble with detaching and not reacting and I am preparing myself for a tough week ahead. This was very helpful and the responses are great. I began to feel like a failure as a mother and he was getting under my skin. I will stay strong and insist my husband do the same thing.

 

[Tanya M]

I began to feel like a failure as a mother and he was getting under my skin.

Feeling this way is so common but unwarranted. I also felt like such a failure as a mother. So many questions of "what did I do wrong?" It took me time but I was able to navigate my through it. Instead of focusing on what I did wrong, I changed my focus to what I did right. I gave my son a stable and loving home to grow up in. My husband and I set an example of a strong work ethic. We had dinner every night as a family. We went to church every Sunday. Yup, pretty "normal". I came to realize that I did not fail as a mother. I did the very best I could.
My son, for his own reasons made a choice to rebel against us starting at a very young age. We sought out family counseling, we tried so hard to help our son see that he was headed down a very dark path. Nothing we did made any difference.
I'm long into this journey with my son. It's not easy but I can tell you that you can move on from this. You can live your life and be happy.

 

[Snow White]

I began to feel like a failure as a mother and he was getting under my skin. I will stay strong and insist my husband do the same thing

Felt that emotion so many times, Littleboylost. I keep repeating that we did the best we could as parents. She is an adult now and can make her own choices. She chooses not to.

The journey to detachment is hard. Sometimes I am strong but at other times (when she sets the bar that much higher) I falter. We're trying to be consistent in our dealings with her.

{hugs to you}