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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 78159" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Your daughter is in love with the man she is going to marry. </p><p></p><p>If it comes down to it, her loyalty will be ~ as it should be ~ to her husband.</p><p></p><p>I think our tasks as the mothers of daughters is to cherish them.</p><p></p><p>We need to keep our own egos out of the picture altogether.</p><p></p><p>When our daughters feel cherished and loved by their mothers, they are stronger women and make better marriages.</p><p></p><p>Be gracious.</p><p></p><p>If the husband wants his marriage to be a certain way, that will be just fine.</p><p></p><p>Don't make this harder for your daughter.</p><p></p><p>Our task is to cherish our daughters and try never, ever, to say anything we will regret regarding husbands or children or housekeeping or ANYTHING.</p><p></p><p>Mothers hold more power than we know. If we are aware of this, we can strengthen our children so that they can choose wisely and change their situations if they need to.</p><p></p><p>Smile, and nod, and hug her and be so glad that you have a wonderful daughter.</p><p></p><p>And, if you have to bite your tongue right off to do it, be nice to the husband.</p><p></p><p>And his mom.</p><p></p><p>Otherwise?</p><p></p><p>You risk losing your daughter's trust.</p><p></p><p>What our daughters need from us more than advice is for us to believe they are wonderful, strong women.</p><p></p><p>Then, they will believe that, too.</p><p></p><p>That is the best gift you can give her.</p><p></p><p>Unless she asks you SPECIFICALLY for advice, or for your opinion, smile and nod and say "I love you so much, honey."</p><p></p><p>That is really all she needs to hear.</p><p></p><p>Everything else, she can handle.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, when I don't know what to say? I say something like what do you think about that or what do you think is going to happen or some derivative thereof.</p><p></p><p>Or maybe I will buy her a card and send it off in the mail.</p><p></p><p>That is what I think our job is, with our grown children. To help them be strong, and to understand that no one does it perfectly every time, and that mistakes can be corrected. </p><p></p><p>I learned that here on the site, you know! </p><p></p><p> :rofl: </p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 78159, member: 1721"] Your daughter is in love with the man she is going to marry. If it comes down to it, her loyalty will be ~ as it should be ~ to her husband. I think our tasks as the mothers of daughters is to cherish them. We need to keep our own egos out of the picture altogether. When our daughters feel cherished and loved by their mothers, they are stronger women and make better marriages. Be gracious. If the husband wants his marriage to be a certain way, that will be just fine. Don't make this harder for your daughter. Our task is to cherish our daughters and try never, ever, to say anything we will regret regarding husbands or children or housekeeping or ANYTHING. Mothers hold more power than we know. If we are aware of this, we can strengthen our children so that they can choose wisely and change their situations if they need to. Smile, and nod, and hug her and be so glad that you have a wonderful daughter. And, if you have to bite your tongue right off to do it, be nice to the husband. And his mom. Otherwise? You risk losing your daughter's trust. What our daughters need from us more than advice is for us to believe they are wonderful, strong women. Then, they will believe that, too. That is the best gift you can give her. Unless she asks you SPECIFICALLY for advice, or for your opinion, smile and nod and say "I love you so much, honey." That is really all she needs to hear. Everything else, she can handle. Sometimes, when I don't know what to say? I say something like what do you think about that or what do you think is going to happen or some derivative thereof. Or maybe I will buy her a card and send it off in the mail. That is what I think our job is, with our grown children. To help them be strong, and to understand that no one does it perfectly every time, and that mistakes can be corrected. I learned that here on the site, you know! [img]:rofl:[/img] Barbara [/QUOTE]
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