Q's anxiety increase

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by buddy, Mar 4, 2012.

  1. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Quin came to take his medications...he loves watching Donald Trump say "your fired". Earlier today he told me in one of his fits... "You can't handle the truth"... so funny he learned that line like in second grade, and he never saw the movie, only a clip on that part. by the way it was totally out of context, just a blurt.

    Anyway, I'm posting because he said an interesting/saddish thing. I think it reflects that he is feeling really badly about himself. Also what I have said about all of his worries/anxieties increasing in general...so the fear of Hell is back and he is trying to calm it in any way he can. ON and off he has had these kinds of fears before, trying to sort it all out. We have talks as they come up and I answer just enough to calm the issue because it is so hard to know what he is really hearing from what I say.

    So, he just told me he is not going to worry about God anymore. I said, What??? He said he will just worry about him when he dies. Now to set the stage, we are not church goers. Other than g
    ood night prayers, and that not even routine he doesn't get much info about God because whenever we tried to go to church or join children's programs people couldn't handle it. He will ask me to say a prayer out loud if a NASCAR race is rained out, because he is sure God will stop the rain. He has a children's bible he got for his baptism and from that he decided that it was all about either going to heaven or hell. I think that is what he is talking about. He is feeling like he is so bad he will go to hell. I have told him he has nothing to worry about. I told him that God loves him the way he is and knows he tries his best. He has asked if he can say sorry and I said, yes God always forgives when you feel sorry. (NOT posting this to debate this, I just make it black and white for Quin because he gets to worried about things and it is just too much right now to try to teach anything deeper).

    I feel badly for him. I have said for years that he is developing a self concept that he is bad and sometimes he even says things that make it seem he is just gong to embrace it because "what's the point". Or he will say, well I am just going to act tough then they will leave me alone. Today he said if he fights back, then people will come around him and so that means it is cool. UGGG We have a lot of work to do.

    He just randomly came at 10 again and told me what happened with the Apprentice then added, "I'm going to heaven and I will show you.... I am just not even going to believe in God and I will still go to heaven" I told him he has nothing to worry about, God loves him no matter what. He said, well I will show you.. Show me what???? I have NEVER said he is not going to heaven. I NEVER talk about the devil or hell or anything like that. Just not my thing.

    Poor boy.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    You're right, poor boy. I completely understand what he's saying and I think you're right that he's RAELLY feeling bad about himself. Do you think it would help him if you told him that hell is for people that TRY to be bad and that you only go to hell if you do bad things ON PURPOSE? Just a thought.....it's worked with difficult child 1. Our boys try so hard to be good and when they aren't, it messes with their self-esteem in such a big way. Then to work on getting/giving more attention when being "good". If he associates being bad with attention, it's time for us to switch gears and lather on the attention when they're being good. I know I need to do more of that. I tend to leave difficult child 1 alone when he's being good and doing his own thing. That is my fault. Sad to say but I see their logic. Scary huh?
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo - where's that <LIKE> button!
    Well said.
    Now to find/create a school that will think the same.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    TeDo said it exactly right!

    Q is such a very sweet boy, and it is so clear that he has a good heart. I can totally see where t would make sense to him. I really hope that a school can be found that will actually help and educate Q rather than to just traumatize him over and over.

  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I agree with you guys. He is so confused right now he wont listen to (or can't) what I say...he just gets mad and acts like I said the opposite of what I say. I think part of what is hard for him is it feels like he IS doing it on purpose. I mean who wants to say that they can't help it. PLUS when he in the past has tried to tell people by way of explaining .... things like "I am doing the best I can" "dont you know God made me this way" "I have a brain injury you know, can you take it a little easy" etc.... he has been (and I have to) accused of thinking he can get away with things. So then he is told this is his choice. So now he says, I know I can do better but I am choosing not to. Obviously not the truth when you see him try to negotiate things "if I am a super miracle , great, can I earn extra time watching espn??" etc.

    I hope when he wakes today it is not so pressured on his mind. I am going to send an email to his counselor asking about this and if there is a way we can explain it to him a little better.

    He also asks if he is worse than Osama bin L. and Hitler.... I have said similar to waht TeDo says, those people really, on purpose wanted to hurt people. That is different. But he then will say but I hurt people too and I can make choices....

    Then I worry about fully letting him know that it is his condition that causes the choices to be harder to make, because I dont want him to give up trying to do better. I want him to believe he has the power to work toward his goals. He is such a black and white thinker that it is really hard not to get trapped with my explanations.
  6. buddy

    buddy New Member

    WELL, while we were at the convenience store on the way to "school" Q started in again. He said, so, Are you telling me the truth, that even if it is hard for me to believe in God, as long as I try my best and am good then I dont have to worry about HE77? I said, YES! I am telling you the truth. He said, YOU are just saying that so I wont worry. I said, no, it is what I really believe in my heart.

    And you know what he did??? He got this HUGE smile and look of relief on his face. He ran over and hugged me right there in the store and said, thanks mom, I just can't make myself believe in God but I know he is there but I just can't see him so I can't believe it. Oh Gosh, no way, if there is a GOD in heaven, that he would punish a child he made this way. Just my belief, not a debate...just how I choose to see it.

    A really funny thing, my neighbor I have told you about before, the 93 yr old woman who paints ceramic things....She has made him a ton of angels and has told him they are guardian angels. HE has them all over his room. HE TOTALLY believes in them because I am sure he thinks they are the statues. Maybe I need a God statue for him...or a Jesus picture, etc.

    I am probably really screwing him up but I have to wing it sometimes.
  7. somerset

    somerset Member

    This really makes me sad. He's such an innocent person. Maybe you could tell him only good people worry about whether they act good or bad. Bad people don't worry about being bad. It reminds me of when difficult child was little and she told me she hated her best friend. I asked her why, and she said, "because it's so easy for her to be good."
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    <Like> <Like> Somerset!!!!! I LOVE that idea.

    Buddy, if I'd have known he likes angels and believes in them, I have a whole collection!! That is what I collect and I have them all over my house. Anyway, maybe a picture would be helpful. I'll keep my eye out.