Question about group homes

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by klmno, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I realize the group home PO wants difficult child to go to accepts mostly kids whose families have turned their backs on them, but PO told me that the parole plan called for this group home with the goal being re-unification with me. Now, the pamplet the lady gave me on this makes it sound moore like they concentrate on getting the kid to independent living, in an apartment. So I wondering if this part is typical of group home expectations: they will be the one to enroll difficult child in the local sd, not me; they want to obtain difficult child's social security card and birth certificate, etc. For those of you who have had kids in group homes, did you have to give the people this stuff? Did you still deal with sd issues and enroll your kid or did they- I live in the same sd the group home is in. difficult child has been in Department of Juvenile Justice and I NEVER had to give them his vital records- his SS#, yes. And the sd contacts me on everything because I am still considered as having parental rights. The way PO talked the other day, I won't have parental rights- the group home staff/caseworker does. I'm starting to think I was BSd on the 're-unification plan' to begin with. If that isn't the plan and I have no parental rights once difficult child is released and goes to group home, then WTH does PO still need to contact me every 30 days and see me every 90 days and WTH will I still be paying CS?
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wow! What does the attorney say about all of this?
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I have to wait until Monday to see one- for a free consultation - one I'd spoke to before doesn't have any appts available until mid-December and I don't want to wait that long. I did make an appointment with her for mid-Dec but want to try to get someone on baord, or at least a little legal advice before then.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    sounds like a good idea since this just gets creepier and creepier. sounds like what you have said before, one size fits all and really they just want what they want.... no consideration of you family's individual needs at all. You would think they would reward you for being an involved parent, but instead they want your money, not your time. Poor difficult child, I know he made poor choices etc. but this is above and beyond trying to punish. And just doesn't seem therapeutic.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If the sd needs a copy of difficult child's birth certificate, etc, I'll provide copies. I'm not giving them the originals- I even hestitate to give them to difficult child when he's 18yo. He's been incarcerated the majority of his teen years- he isn't even as mature in some ways as most TTs. Now, I can see getting this stuff for a kid who's coming out of Department of Juvenile Justice at close to 18yo and is going straight to independent living after the group home, but something is starting to tell me that difficult child still being in school and wanting to graduate is going to be the minority.
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    OK... Since the behavioral Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that Onyxx is in is actually a group home:

    Yes, they need her birth certificate and SS card. However - they should be able to make a copy. You should keep the originals. They will want to make their copy from the originals, though. PO did this for us.

    They are enrolling her in school. It's the next SD over from us. However, when Onyxx was at FM's, husband had to enroll her. Juvie never asked for the vital records, only her SSN.

    From a divorce perspective, when a parent loses custody (or shared parenting) and the other parent has full legal custody, the non-custodial parent is still responsible for support. So, yes, you will have to still pay. As we will; they are working on the paperwork for that, for husband, right now. (It's less than the other Residential Treatment Center (RTC)!!!)

    The PO was probably full of beans, you won't lose all parental rights. You're essentially signing that the group home can act on your behalf in a limited way. You'll still probably have to go to family counseling sessions with him.

    I'd think the reunification goal is more that he will be independent, but they're attempting to make sure that he still has some relationship with you.

    We got lucky with Onyxx's PO. You, on the other hand, have had the worst POs ever!
  7. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    PS - difficult child can get new certified copies of his own birth certificate at 18, and with that, a new SS card.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Yes, but the non-custodial parent still has parental rights. This is similar to difficult child being in Department of Juvenile Justice, vs a detention center. He was made a ward of the state when he was committed to Department of Juvenile Justice and they have physical custody. I still have parental rights. This re-entry program and PO are acting like I have NO parental rights. I will be talking to attny about this. Unless a parent loses parental rights due to being unfit, it was my understanding that they have parental rights even if the kid isn't in their custody or even when the other parent has full cusotdy. Example- visitation rights of some sort. I am a little concerned that this is leading to a situation where if I don't jump thru their hoops, I won't even get contact with difficult child.

    Think about it- even MH treatment has to be agreed to by both parents, not just the custodial parent. Both parents have a right to be involved at school, etc., unless deemed unfit in some way.
  9. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    If he goes to independent living, he'll be in that group home until way past 18 and going to independent living isn't re-unification with family, from a Department of Juvenile Justice perspective. He doesn't want to be in that group home at all- and he hasn't even seen it yet. No one would want to spend one day in it.

    I don't mind difficult child having his vital records, obviously he has a right to them. But I don't want the originals lost, Know what I mean?? There's no reason I can't supply any school, college, dr, whomever, what they need as long as difficult child is in the same region I'm in.
  10. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    That would definitely be something to discuss with the lawyer. Also, having seen shared parenting and full custody both, during shared parenting both had to agree on any non-emergency treatments, though bio never followed through. When husband got full custody, she had the right to be involved in school and to see medical records, but not the right to decide whether to treat. The only way it would be otherwise is if it was specifically written into the order. (Here.)

    Keep the original BC - let him get his own. Give him the SS card. That part's detachment. No, you don't want them lost, of course; but he has to learn to be responsible for them. I know this is a stretch for him, but it will just keep yanking you around like a yo-yo.

  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Their pamplet doen;'t say they obtain it for the difficult child- THEY want these things.

    But Step, if I have that little parental rights and they aren't even looking for difficult child to live with me again- why am I going thru all this with PO? Why does PO have to keep up with what I'm doing and meet with me regularly? Now, I could see at least some of this if the situation was a parent who contributed to their kid's illegal activity (allowed it, had drugs around, whatever) but this was never the case.
  12. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Correct. They will need them to get him a medical card, apply for any possible benefits, and so on. But they still need to make a COPY of your originals.
  13. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    No- they are expecting me to pay for medication treatment (on top of CS) or get him on insurance- I've already been told by PO.
  14. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    They told me, that our ins will be primary but Onyxx will have a medical card, too. On top of support.

  15. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I didn't think they qualified for medicaid if they are on a parent's insurance and are under-age. He isn't emancipated.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Well, I thought that was kind of weird, too, but I guess they do. The lady explained that although our insurance would be used as the primary, the medical card would take care of the rest.

    In a lot of cases, this means no copay...
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    When difficult child#1 was signed into a s.a. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I had to provide copies for them too. The placement was for a maximum of ninety days. He had private insurance. They got him on Medicaid and collected food stamps for him. I didn't know that until he was discharged after six weeks. Although I found it very surprising when I thought about it I thought it made sense. They had X kids in their custody. They did not have to be bothered with paperwork on an individual basis. They got government funds and they were in the driver's seat. We, on the hand, used private insurance to cover some of the treatment costs and paid the rest out of pocket. Although he was a private patient the majority of the teens were court ordered there. I was naive and didn't realize.

    I hope that the attorney will be able to help you sort through your involvement options. Personally I wish that you had been able to spend this past year + working through your PTSD from the assault. My heart goes out to you because I don't think you and difficult child are going to receive therapeutic support unless you are in the same household. It's a terrible and complex situation for sure. Hugs. DDD
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, I don't mind providing them copies of anything- even old health records, but agin, that's not the what it appears to be saying on their pamplet.

    DDD, the first time, when difficult child held the knife to my neck, I know I had PTSD but then I believed difficult child and the Department of Juvenile Justice facility and he moved home with just a cautious eye open. When I woke up some weeks or so after that and found my pockets cut open and everything in them taken out, it became more than PTSD. I side with the psychiatrist and a psychiatric and even Dr Phil on this- when it gets to that point, there needs to be intensive therapy BEFORE the kid moves back home. And let's not forget, when we tried therapy while difficult child was living with me, if a therapist plowed into sensitive or highly emotional subjects, difficult child would become physiically agressive with me at home. There was once I swear, I thought he'd broken my nose. This is not just "MY problem".

    Seriously, I've been slammed against walls, pushed to the floor and kicked, had a knife flaunted in front of me, then robbed twice by knife be difficult child, been punched in the face by him....but if I get treatment for PTSD and take some anti-anxiety medications and let him move back with me, things will be fine? Well, that was the last jurisdictions' viewpoint. But fortunately, not the judge's or the last PO there after the latest incidence.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    K...go now and apply for another certified birth certificate and social security card for him. No law says you can only have one of them. You keep the ones you have and give the new ones to the group home.

    In many of the group homes Cory was in, he was the only one who wasnt a ward of the court. Made things interesting to say the least. Confused the workers a lot. They didnt know what they were supposed to do with him and for him. Most of the time the group homes did enroll him in the schools themselves and I didnt have anything to do with it. I didnt have much to do with anything day to day but was involved with his psychiatric care but these were psychiatric group homes so the involvement was when they would transport him back to the mental health center for either psychiatrist appts, therapist appts or when we had meetings with the whole group with case management.
  20. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Yes, had to give them originals of BC and SS card, which they lost of course - fortunately I had requested multiple copies of BC when kids were born so when they lost it, no biggie. thank you had to go sit in SSA for hours to get a new card.

    I do think you need to get an atty to lay this all out for you in plain English. Either you do or you don't have parental rights. If not, quite frankly I'd tell PO exactly what he can do with- his mandatory meetings with- you. You're not on parole. You're not convicted of anything. PO can check in with- difficult child and whoever his guardian will be. It seems to me that parental rights would impact if you do/don't have to pay CS/insurance etc. Sounds really quite suspicious that you'd lose rights... I think that's bologna. But only an atty is going to be able to nail this down and protect you (and difficult child).

    thank you's group home was supposed to be a transitional living program - goal was independent living, etc. problem was, it was all "client-driven" so absolutely *nothing* was done to prepare thank you because he wasn't "driven" in the slightest. Hopefully since GH is court-ordered, it will have a bit more accountability. I do think you're probably right, based on my experience anyway, about difficult child being rather unique in wanting to graduate and move forward.

    You're in such a difficult position, klmno - my heart aches for you. I think you have very valid concerns for your own safety and having difficult child back in the home, but I think your concerns about GH are also very valid. I think a fair share of this predicament needs to fall back on difficult child. Home and those requirements, or GH and whatever may happen there .... this is all a direct result of difficult child's choices. Whatever the outcome is, wherever he ends up, he needs to be reminded that this is his doing. Not yours, not the broken system's.... his.