Not a good evening in this part of the world, with tempers frayed and emotions at boiling point on both sides - I didn't behave very well in response to a virtuoso display of defiance from J and a veil should really be brought over the whole episode... As usual, I did discuss it with him afterwards (what did you feel like inside when you were upset? What did you feel inside when I was upset with you? What do you think Mummy felt like inside? etc) and maybe some good came out of it all. Damage limitations. But towards the end of the evening, obviously very tired, J began crying and saying he felt sad about Kenza and wanted to see her. Kenza is his birth mother and her name is about all we know about her. He cried for a long time, and seemed genuinely distressed. He hasn't done this before. I think it is healthy and good (if painful) for him to feel sad about her - he asked me why she could not stay with him or look after him and I said (there may well be a better answer) that I did not know why but that she was not able to and she wanted other people to look after him and love him. He said he wanted to see her and for me to telephone her... Again, I don't have any better ideas than the truth so told him this is not possible because we do not know where she is but that I hoped that one day he might see her. Just wondering if this has arisen with your adopted children and how you have handled it.