Question for those who adopted kids older than two years old

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jul 25, 2011.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    How has your adoption experience been?

    This really isn't for those who adopted infants. I have done that, and in my opinion it's pretty much the same as adopting a biological child, with the added issue of the kids sometimes wondering about their birthparents (which is only natural).
  2. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    difficult child 1 was adopted from a Russian orphanage at the age of 7. He definitely has issues. difficult child 1 is however finally getting his act together and attending college. He lives there most of the year in a college apartment. Truthfully I was unsure if I was going to make it thru his teenage years! He has definitely
    matured and is much easier to deal with now. Hugs Rabbit
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I have a very good friend who adopted a young girl. She is in her early thirties now. There were many problematic years. Right now things are very bad involving substance abuse and severe mental health concerns.

    We adopted an infant (see below).
  4. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Not sure what kind of information you're looking for but.....

    difficult child came to live with us as a foster child when he was 9 and the adoption was final when he was ten. AT that point, he had been in and out of multiple foster homes since he was a toddler and had had TWO failed pre-adoptive placements BACK TO BACK.....the first of which was his own aunt/uncle. There were issues from day 1 but of course we were clueless at the time. He called me Mom from the first second but it took him a bit to call husband "Dad". However, ANY female caretaker that he stayed with...he called Mom so I doubt it really meant anything at the time. Some of his issues were related to his own mental issues....some were related to the years of bouncing around and I'm sure some of them were due to his bio mom and that situation.

    The bonding experience.....meh....not much of it. I tried, I did, but at the end of the first year, I was so exhausted just from finding out and dealing with his issues, behaviors and diagnosis's....I didn't have much energy after that. I still tried for years though...took him places, tried to do the "normal" parent/kid things but most of the time it didn't work. He would either act up, get over stimulated or just refuse to do anything. At one poing I remember being out and about with him and he was acting like a donkey (No offense Star). I mentioned to him that HE was the one telling me we didn't do things together so why was he acting like this. He LAUGHED and said that he didn't want to be seen in public with me. I do believe that was the last time I took him anywhere "fun" by myself. (He was probably around 14 or 15 at the time)

    Plus, over the years he has stolen, destroyed, disassembled so many things in my house that I don't trust him any farther than I can spit. THAT has killed a lot of my happy thoughts. Yes, I love him but I don't really like him much. He calls from prison and says how we were good was all his fault....I shouldn't be upset with myself and I just laugh. Not on the phone of course but after. It's just one big DUH moment for me. Besides......who knows if his tales of learning a lesson are even true. He's a master manipulator and I generally don't believe most of what comes out of his mouth.

    But...I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for but that's MY experience.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    My bff has adopted 4 kids, only one of them as an infant. The one she adopted as an infant is doing great. She studies hard, gets A's and wants to be a doctor when she grows up. She is 13. The older boy who is 21 was challenging and they believe he is Borderline. The 14 year old boy is now in the p-hospital and they believe he has bipolar. The other 13 year old is a boy and he's been an easy child compared to the other two boys. He is a star athlete. Their biggest concern is that his IQ is just a little over MR but so far it hasn't seemed to have held him back much.

    On an interesting note, the boys' birth mom (the 13 and 14 year old boys are half brothers) went into the county office today all upset because she had a premonition about J and begged to see a current pix to ensure he is ok. He is the one that is currently in the hospital. Kind of strange. She herself has many mental health issues and was given many years to get her act together and never could. She even had two more kids after them that were also taken away. The courts decided to wait till they are 18 and can handle it before bringing her into the picture.
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    P- Rob moved in with us at 3 and we adopted him at 4. I expect you know our story so I don't need to repeat it here. It has been a challenge, to say the least. :whew:

  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Thanks to those who shared.

    yes that sadly validated my belief that if you adopt a child much past infancy, it is likely you will have problems.

    My three very young adopted kids are just like my biological kids and we are all very bonded. The one I got at six (from Hong Kong), well, you just read his story. We adopted one at 11 and he was a sexual predator and no longer lives with us. The adoption was annulled.

    thank you all for sharing.
  8. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    And yet, and yet... life being what it is, things are never straightforward. I think I've already mentioned here my friends in Morocco - she is South African, he British - who adopted a little boy aged about 3 (no one knew for sure) who was found wandering the streets after having been abandoned. He's now 7 and, living in a stable, loving home, seems about as normal as you can get. So... I guess it just depends?
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    There are exceptions!

    It will be interesting to see how he evolves as he gets older. My son from Hong Kong was a very good little boy, never so much as raised his voice, had wonderful manners. It is only now, that he is older, that we even knew he had any anger inside of him.

    You never would have guessed from his first 25 years.
  10. Ellenm0m

    Ellenm0m New Member

    My dad was 4 and his sister 2 when they were adopted by my grandparents. All in all, my dad did okay, he went into the military right out of high school...he is on wife #4 because he has attachment issues, but he never really had behavioral issues. My Aunt however, was a trial to my grandparents, drugs, behavior issues, not sure of all of the stuff they dealt with.

    Also, my husband was adopted at age 14, his bio dad died when he was 4 and his mom at 12. They tried to place him with his uncle, but that didn't work out, so he was adopted by a non family member. I just have to say that Dad was a brave man to take in a 14 year old with ADHD with the mental problems any kid would have watching their mom die. I KNOW husband was not an easy child (he is not always an easy man) and he did spend some time in prison, and yes, it actually helped him.

    I think you have to go with your heart and if things do not work out, remember it is not your fault. The things that happened to these kids before they come into a stable home are sometimes unmentionable. (I know my dad has memories that noone should have).