I have a question about Grief, and when/how to recognize if you need counseling. My husband was murdered (and I found him), 9 yrs ago. The police fixed me up with a Survivors of homicide couselor, and we talked for a few months. I've talked (off and on) since then with different counselors. "I" don't think I need to go to a Grief Counselor, however difficult child's counselor gave me the name of someone and said that my grief is still "alive and well". Huh? During one of difficult child's homebased counseling sessions this month, I was tired and sad. When I was signing and dating some form, I gasped when I saw the date I wrote and said something like "OMG, I forgot". She asked what I forgot, and without thinking told her that it was my 12th wedding anniversary, and in 9 days it will be the 9th year since he was killed. I then told her that October is a hard month on me because at the beginning of the month is our wedding anniversary, then the anniversary of his murder, then the anniversary of his huge memorial, etc. This is the thing though. I don't ponder on the dates and dread them coming. I usually am doing something and it just jumps out at me that that day is one of those events. I left the city where it happened, and never went back. I stopped talking to my in-laws because it was too painful to remember that life, and it was very hard for them to talk to me too. Through the years we have spoken, and each time is alittle easier, but in the end it's painful from both sides. So maybe she's right and it's still alive and well. I just know that when the pain comes up I swallow and push it back down. If I talk about the murder and what I saw when I found him, it's in a mechanical way. No emotion, almost like reading a technical report to someone. She said I should talk to this counselor, but just the thought of talking about it and bringing up all that pain and trauma is something I don't want to do and have most likely avoided all these years. What do you think? How do I know if she's right, or that I'm past this and don't need to discuss it anymore? Thanks.