Question Re: Assisted Living facilities

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I spent a better part of my Sunday driving around to Assisted Living facilities. It took all day, but I only saw 3 of them. One I hated, the other two I loved.

    My sister (loco) was under the impression that one of these (the one I loved!) accepted medicare/medicaid and my mother's SS check along with a $500 monthly payment from her family. When I was there they said it was a private facility, meaning they do not accept any assistance through M/M or SS. They did comment that there may be other ways of meeting the monthly costs, such as VA benefits, applying for financial aid, etc., but mostly they suggested we look at state funded places - blech.

    If anyone has any experiences whatsoever and can offer any insight whatsoever about the ins and outs of seeking an assisted living facility for my mom (85) who is hardly able to care for herself and is beginning the early stages of dementia. Time is of the essence!

    We're in the process of securing her an appointment with a gerontician who can evaluate her and give a definitive diagnosis of Alzheimers or not, adjust or eliminate some of her medications, etc. She currently messes herself, refuses or forgets to take her medications, hardly bathes, won't make herself food even it it's just to put it in the micro. My sister who lives near her goes over every day to check on her. We have state aids coming 3 days a week for light housekeeping, helping her bathe. She also gets meals on wheels: 1 meal 5 days a week.

    Both the doctors and us all think that getting her medications straightened out will solve about 75% of the issues she's having. After the medications are straightened out, then we can see if she does or does not have dementia. We think she does, though we believe she would only be in the earliest stage if her medications weren't all messed up.

    I've tapped into state resources and information pages, I've printed out lists of assisted living places and visited the 3 places. I just need to know if there are any financial resources out there that I am not aware of. Anyone?? Thanks!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Gosh, wish I could help you. All of that was done by my brother and sister.
    I feel for you! You're a good kid. Your mom has no idea.
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks Terry. You know what they said it would cost monthly if we had to pay cash? And this is at the one I like which was middle of the road in regards to price.....$6,000!!! Plus a move in fee of $2,000, PLUS extra monthly expenses for hair cutting, etc., things like that. I was nauseous when I left there. I don't know who my sister spoke with. I think she may have misunderstood. When she heard $6000 YEARLY, I think they were talking MONTHLY. Aiyee!
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    My limited experience was with a neighbor/friend who had no family nearby. My friends granddaughter (who by the way believed I was
    helping her "Gram" for selfish purposes :grrr:) came to Florida and chose an ALF that was lovely, clean etc. The problem was
    that "Gram" required help dressing, getting to/from the bathroom,
    etc. ALFs, at least around here, are for people who are able to
    function independently most of the time.

    One ALF has a separate section for dementia as do most of the
    nursing homes. I hope your Mom makes progress but it is really
    important to match the needs with the place.

    Regarding $$'s, I was able to place my friend in a nursing home
    that she liked due to friendly staff and extreme hygiene. She
    had enough money to pay for the first few months out of pocket
    and then they transitioned her to government pay.

    Got a customer. Have to go. DDD
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks 3D. I know that once they are in, if their money runs out, the facility can't kick them out. However, if her dementia worsens they can have her transferred to another facility. The place we would like to have mom placed in is specifically for residents with varying stages of dementia/alzheimers, so we have no worries in that department. It's getting her in that's so stressful.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I found this thread too - with links

    Jo have you checked with the Connecticut Department or Council and aging web site? There seem to be a lot of numbers here for help - call them - maybe someone will know -

    My other thought was to go to a nursing home on a Saturday and ask the people who have parents there how they did it - not everyone can be rich for Pete sake.

    I'll keep digging - I have those crazy man from TV books at home about free help - I'll look tonight - keep your chin up

    Your a good (no GREAT) kid - so sorry about locosis.

  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sorry, I wish I could help. I know the facility my Gma lived in in Florida extended her life by offering the proper diet, medication supervision and social opportunities (she was a social butterfly). It also had one side for very minimal care and one side for more care.

    But it was many years ago, and I was only at the very end dealing with ANY of the financial issues. I was 22 when she died, or maybe just 23. difficult child was less than a year.

    Wish I could help,sending positive thoughts for the solution to fall into your lap.



    ps. In our town we have a state/county run ALF and a few private ones. The state one certainly offers more medical assistance, and is actually much nicer than one of the private ones - kids have volunteered at each of them at one time or another, so have I.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    I will be honest. If your mom has any sort of dementia/alzheimers, then it will be in your best interest to get her in the best nursing home that does alzheimers patients. They have to have them that do public funding. I was amazed at how nice these places were down here. The better ones were affiliated with churches but that was just my opinion and I am not overly

    Call, call, call.

    I found that most places have wings for differing types of patients. Her doctor can do the paperwork to get her ordered in. She needs a neuropsychologist exam to determine exactly what is going on. Plus a MRI.
  9. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks Star, I have been on the website and printed out all the numbers - that's what I'm doing for my lunch break today, making phone calls.

    Susie, thanks for the good thoughts. There is ONE in Hartford Cnty that is state run and it's in a not so nice area and they do not offer meals. My mom needs to have the meals plan because we can't trust her with a stove. She won't eat right unless someone else does it for her.

    Janet, we're looking at some of the ones that are owned and run by religious affiliates as well. Seems the good ones that do accept state aide are either straight out nursing homes, which she is not eligible at this time to be accepted, or, they are full and she still doesn't get enough funding to qualify without our financial assistance.

    Most ALF are private and very few are funded by state aid. Nursing homes are completely different and if she were at a point where that were necessary we'd have no problem finding the right one at all - CT is chock full of nursing homes of varying capabilities and comforts.

    We're still looking..I'm waiting to hear from loco sis today so we can go over things again.

    Thanks again~
  10. ctmom05

    ctmom05 Member

    <span style='font-family: Courier New'>Hi Jo,

    I am also in Connecticut with a parent in the same age bracket as your Mom. My Dad is 89.

    He has been a widower for 7 years and fared well until the past couple of years. He has not been gravely ill, and his mental status is good, but he is slowing down a great deal and has energy and balance issues, as well as a few physical symptoms.

    Over the past year I have gotten an education on what types of facilities are out there, what they require and what my Dad requires&lt;grin&gt;.

    I don't know that I have a lot of answers, but the process for my Dad has been moving forward v-e-r-y slowly and he should be in his new place by March. Perhaps you would like to IM sometime and we could share information?

  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    So they say she doesnt need skilled nursing care but rest home care instead which is the hold up?

    Look for a placement that has both and then when she needs to transition from one to the other with no problem.

    We had this sort of problem with my husband's grandmother awhile ago. She really didnt have any sort of major problems but at her age simply couldnt live alone anymore. She was in her early 90s and couldnt walk well anymore for long distances. She went into a rest home and was there for about 2 years and was going to be transferred into a nursing home when she became bedridden at 95 but she developed pneumonia and died right before then.

    My moms nursing home had a side for rest home care and a side for skilled nursing. Of course my mom was on the skilled nursing side because she was much more severe when she went in. But I saw people there who had nice rooms, the cafeteria, bingo, etc. My mom couldnt even think of participating in that sort of thing.
  12. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yes Janet, that's pretty much it in a nutshell. She's incapable of living alone, needs help with meals, laundry, housekeeping and bathing, but she can still get around and still has moments/days of clarity. She's not sick enough for a nursing home, but we can't afford to get her into an ALF because they are all private pay.

    I will look into some older facilities which have what you describe - the rest home side by side with a nursing home facility. That sounds like the place that may be best for her. Again, however, we run into an affordability obstacle.

    This experience has really made me rethink my 401k contribution rate! And consider some long term health insurance as well. Jeesh - everything is at a cost. I wish I could have mom live with me and hire someone to come in when I'm not there to do all the labor intensive stuff like bathing, etc. I'd have to put locks on my kitchen cabinets and fridge though. I don't know the answer. It's he// to get old.