Questioning my 11 year old sexual curiosity with my 2 year old

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by veryveryconfused, Nov 1, 2010.

  1. Please help. i have seen recent signs that my 2 year old has been sexually abused. She has changed in a way that I cannot describe. She has been overly sad and crying in terror when things happen. She did not want me to tickle her arm and almost made me bleed she clawed me so hard. I suspect it is my 11 year old daughter who was molested 1 time at the age of 3. I suspect her because this all happened after I left the 2 alone for an hour and a 1/2 until my babysitter showed up. After this day is when I saw all the signs. She was not at ease with diaper changes and also when washing her body. My question is how do I confront my 11 year old? What should I do next? Do I call the police? I am torn because I love them both, but I need to protect my 2 year old from the 11 year old. How do I go about this the correct way?

    I feel this is all my fault!
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Can you give us a little more background? Are they your biological kids or was one or both adopted at an older age? Are you sure 11 year old was only molested one time? Did she ever get therapy for it. Are you positive she molested your two year old? If so, why? This is serious. Charges are pressed when kids are more than four years older than the child they molest. This happened in our house. An adopted child (I guess one who never had a chance, but I thought he did...) molested his three year old and six year old adopted brother and sister (repeatedly). We had no idea how bad it was, they didn't tell us, they were too afraid of him. He was 11 when it started as well, the age when he came to live with us.
    He never lived with us again. This is serious. Please tell us more.
  3. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    What makes you think it was the 11yo and not the babysitter? Did the 11yo have a friend over? What other problems make you think it is the 11yo?

    Do NOT ask the 2yo questions. Call children's services and have them do a forensic interview (designed to figure out what, if anything, has happened with-o leading the child). Usually it will be done with very little wait. If they find abuse they will have ways to help you.

    This is NOT something you can handle alone. You NEED the professionals, and either the pediatrician or you need to call and report this. It is a good idea to take your 2yo to the pediatrician to ask for help. This will mean the doctor has to make a report to CPS, but they will say that you came to them asking for the doctor to make it and to help you. That is a good thing.

    Are you and the 2 children the only members of the household? One thing that CPS is very likely to say is that an 11yo is too young to be left in charge of a 2yo for any length of time. In some areas you cannot leave an 11yo home alone by themselves, but the laws on this vary widely from area to area. As a general rule most places that give an age for the youngest you can be to babysit use 13 or 14yo. Even if this is the case, they will just let you know so you don't let the 11yo babysit again (as if you would after this).

    You also need to take a good hard look at anyone else in your life that could have hurt your child. If it is your 11yo, she needs a LOT of help but you are going to have a really hard time finding that help. We don't really have services that know how to handle a child who is sexually abusing another child. So you will have to do a lot of searching and trial and error.

    I am so sorry that your 2yo was hurt this way, and that you are going through the added agony of suspecting your older daughter of hurting the baby.
    In the meantime, work out a written safety plan to protect both children. This means not leaving them alone together and making sure that they don't contact each other at night while you are sleeping.