Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Questioning self
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Lil" data-source="post: 674433" data-attributes="member: 17309"><p>I have to agree with everyone else. YOU are not the cause of your child's problems.</p><p> </p><p>Believe me when I say I have had these thoughts. I wondered - and Jabber will confirm - that I still wonder sometimes what I could have done differently. Should I have been harder on him? Should we have moved to a different town? Should I have kept him in counseling? Should I have been easier on him? Should we have taken him more places? We took a couple of vacations without him...maybe instead we should have taken him to Arkansas to dig for diamonds like he always wanted. We told him we would...never did. Maybe we should have taken him to Disneyland? Maybe we should have made him stay in sports, even though he didn't like them? Maybe Jabber and I were too much into each other and not enough into him? Maybe we should have spent more time with Jabber's family? Maybe we should have gotten a church to go to? Maybe I should have bad-mouthed his biodad, instead of being kind and doing what I think good parents do...NOT speak ill of the other?</p><p> </p><p>But if we'd been tougher, maybe he'd be worse? If we'd cut off allowances, maybe he'd have been worse? If we'd given him more - maybe he'd expect more now...though he seems entitled already. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can drive yourself crazy.</p><p> </p><p>I love my son, but there are many times I don't like him. He's VERY much like his biodad...who he never laid eyes on after he was 5 and who died when he was 7. But even his girlfriend said to me, "You guys are so NORMAL. What happened to him?"</p><p> </p><p>What happened is a combination of genetics and bad choices.</p><p> </p><p></p><p> </p><p>This is the killer for me SP. When he seems to be trying. When he says he wants to spend time with us. When he acts like he wants a better relationship. I want that too. I want it so bad I can taste it. But there's always the reserve...the waiting for something to happen to screw it up, the waiting for him to ask for a favor...because usually it's not wanting to spend time with us, it's buttering us up for the next request. </p><p> </p><p>I hope the day comes for all of us that our children and we connect like typical families. But hope is all there really is. We're not there yet.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lil, post: 674433, member: 17309"] I have to agree with everyone else. YOU are not the cause of your child's problems. Believe me when I say I have had these thoughts. I wondered - and Jabber will confirm - that I still wonder sometimes what I could have done differently. Should I have been harder on him? Should we have moved to a different town? Should I have kept him in counseling? Should I have been easier on him? Should we have taken him more places? We took a couple of vacations without him...maybe instead we should have taken him to Arkansas to dig for diamonds like he always wanted. We told him we would...never did. Maybe we should have taken him to Disneyland? Maybe we should have made him stay in sports, even though he didn't like them? Maybe Jabber and I were too much into each other and not enough into him? Maybe we should have spent more time with Jabber's family? Maybe we should have gotten a church to go to? Maybe I should have bad-mouthed his biodad, instead of being kind and doing what I think good parents do...NOT speak ill of the other? But if we'd been tougher, maybe he'd be worse? If we'd cut off allowances, maybe he'd have been worse? If we'd given him more - maybe he'd expect more now...though he seems entitled already. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can drive yourself crazy. I love my son, but there are many times I don't like him. He's VERY much like his biodad...who he never laid eyes on after he was 5 and who died when he was 7. But even his girlfriend said to me, "You guys are so NORMAL. What happened to him?" What happened is a combination of genetics and bad choices. This is the killer for me SP. When he seems to be trying. When he says he wants to spend time with us. When he acts like he wants a better relationship. I want that too. I want it so bad I can taste it. But there's always the reserve...the waiting for something to happen to screw it up, the waiting for him to ask for a favor...because usually it's not wanting to spend time with us, it's buttering us up for the next request. I hope the day comes for all of us that our children and we connect like typical families. But hope is all there really is. We're not there yet. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Questioning self
Top