I need help with this. The other night, before bringing difficult child down to meet and go live with her biodad, we had a counseling meeting (h's first time with this one). I like this counselor, difficult child connects with her and she seems to want to help difficult child. However, when we first met with therapist, I explained that what we were looking for was more of life coaching type of therapy - someone who would help difficult child find her path and stay on track, figure out what her strengths are and work with that. The counselor agreed and was on board with this plan. It became apparent that difficult child first had to deal with a couple of issues - primarily with my H and her distorted view of mine and her father's divorce. Unfortunately, I have to give some history. First: My divorce took place in 1991, difficult child was 2 when exh and I separated. My current H was a family friend then and always a part of the family so my girls knew him...after moving away from the area when difficult child was 4, H followed us about a year later and another year later we married, so difficult child was 6 when I remarried. For some reason, difficult child has it in her head that H broke up my marriage to her father and she's carrying a lot of resentment over it. However, this resentment apparently had lain dorment and *suddenly*, just as she's pulling crap all over the place and we're (H included) calling her on it, she claims to hate H. Hate him, after years of loving him and having a normal father/daughter relationship with him. I personally feel that if he were her biodad, she'd hate him right now anyway for being stricter with her and calling her on her lies. Second: her sexual assault occurred 2 years ago this past May. At that time she was already seeing a counselor but decided to stop seeing HIM because she claims he got a hard on while she was describing the assault. I doubt this highly, but I was not there, so I can't say for certain. So, fine, we found a new therapist and it is my opinion that once this therapist was able to scratch the surface with difficult child, difficult child refused to see her anymore. Then we got another therapist and this one was so lame but we couldn't find any nearby so we were holding out for difficult child's 18th so we could get a new one that had more experience with assault victims - NOT that difficult child wanted to talk. Quite the opposite. Flash forward to now. Her DR won't prescribe her medications unless she's in counseling so we found this really good therapist and difficult child likes her. Up until this time, difficult child has told me that although she occasionally has a nightmare about the assault she feels that it's behind her. So, she's seen this therapist for about 8-9 times and we met with her the other night and the entire time this therapist is making reference to difficult child having this major hurtle to get over before she can move on and become happy. She spoke about difficult child as if she was this totally messed up individual who will need intensive therapy forever because of the 1) divorce and 2) the assault. I'm sorry, but I've run the gamit with counselors and I am sooooo tired of them making it seem as if these are things that will ruin anyone's lives. I survived an unhappy childhood, filled with sexual abuse. I was sexually assaulted as well and between counseling and MATURING I was able to get past it and get on with my life. I don't think you ever completely let it go of traumas, but you find a way to not allow those bad things to overcome your life and control who you are - they do not have to define you. I just think that you get to a certain point and you have to realize that bad things happen to nice people but you cannot allow those bad things to ruin your life. I think that difficult child has had it drummed into her head that because of the assault and because she comes from a family of divorce that she has this GIANT obstacle to overcome. When do we stop making up excuses for her crappy behaviors and say, "Hey, listen, what happened may have stunk, but you know, you survived it, you're stronger for it, you're a wonderful human with a lot of potential and I think that you can put this behind you and focus on your future now - what do you think?" H and I feel like the counselor is almost creating a situation where difficult child will remain mired in her own self pity and depression rather than shrugging some of this crap off and moving on with her life. I don't necessarily feel that any of us has to sit around and dredge of ancient history to move beyond it and get a life! I'm wondering what happened to our conversation with the counselor about difficult child trying to learn how to be more positive about life, moving on from her past, making better choices and finding her path. I feel like it was all blown smoke! I am wondering if difficult child has detracted from the present situation by throwing the monkey wrench from her past into the ring. I mean, difficult child has some experience with tdocs and I can see how she would do that. on the other hand, I knwo she may still have issues to work through...but I don't think she needs to dredge through all the muck of her life to do that. I don't know what to think. I have to make an appointment for Sept 24th this morning for when difficult child is up here visiting and I am annoyed that the focus of the meetings has changed back to the same old crap. Anyone else feel like this at times?? Where instead of helping, the counseling keeps you back?