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Questions about my ODD son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 640639" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You should probably move this post over to Parent Emeritus where we are parents of children who are over 18. This forum is for parents of younger children and it's different. Legal adults are normally the ones who have to do the hard work themselves and there is little you can do for them if they don't want it so we have to take different approaches than we did when they were underage. Often that includes making THEM responsible for their issues, as we can not force them into therapy nor know what goes on if they go, and to also make conditions for them living with us still, including insisting they work or go to school and contribute to the house. Your guilt about the past will not help your son grow up, but it is a good excuse for him not to do so. Do You really want his goal to be living with you indefinitely? Do you feel that is best for him? For you two? You need to possibly seek therapy yourself to explore your feelings.</p><p></p><p>My kids are all grown. All my kids, even my difficult child, had to have a job at sixteen part-time, or he got no extra money and I have found it worked well for all of my grown children as they al are hardworkers.</p><p></p><p>There are no words you can say to motivate your son at his age. If you want him to work, you have to make it a condition of his continuing to live under your roof. If he gets angry...too bad. Many of us have gone through similar stuff...but I do suggest again that you post it on Parent Emeritus where all he children are legally adults.</p><p></p><p>Your son has seen abuse. He is not the only adult child on Parent Emeritus who has. That does not make us have to allow him or her to remain Peter Pan. Both of my daughters were sexually assaulted. Both chose to still move on with life and be productive, which in my opinion is more healthy than your son's lack of motivation. Is he still using weed? Nothing stops motivation like weed. Why are you fine that he doesn't want to be an adult? I don't really get that...most young adults do not depend on the medical system. Most are eager to grow up and leave the nest.</p><p></p><p>I hope you come join us!</p><p></p><p>Hope to see ya there and welcome to the board <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 640639, member: 1550"] You should probably move this post over to Parent Emeritus where we are parents of children who are over 18. This forum is for parents of younger children and it's different. Legal adults are normally the ones who have to do the hard work themselves and there is little you can do for them if they don't want it so we have to take different approaches than we did when they were underage. Often that includes making THEM responsible for their issues, as we can not force them into therapy nor know what goes on if they go, and to also make conditions for them living with us still, including insisting they work or go to school and contribute to the house. Your guilt about the past will not help your son grow up, but it is a good excuse for him not to do so. Do You really want his goal to be living with you indefinitely? Do you feel that is best for him? For you two? You need to possibly seek therapy yourself to explore your feelings. My kids are all grown. All my kids, even my difficult child, had to have a job at sixteen part-time, or he got no extra money and I have found it worked well for all of my grown children as they al are hardworkers. There are no words you can say to motivate your son at his age. If you want him to work, you have to make it a condition of his continuing to live under your roof. If he gets angry...too bad. Many of us have gone through similar stuff...but I do suggest again that you post it on Parent Emeritus where all he children are legally adults. Your son has seen abuse. He is not the only adult child on Parent Emeritus who has. That does not make us have to allow him or her to remain Peter Pan. Both of my daughters were sexually assaulted. Both chose to still move on with life and be productive, which in my opinion is more healthy than your son's lack of motivation. Is he still using weed? Nothing stops motivation like weed. Why are you fine that he doesn't want to be an adult? I don't really get that...most young adults do not depend on the medical system. Most are eager to grow up and leave the nest. I hope you come join us! Hope to see ya there and welcome to the board ;) [/QUOTE]
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