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Questions about my ODD son
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 640753" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>There is nothing for you to take back, B Warren. Seen in one way, your and your husband's ability to come through it together is a testament to human courage. </p><p></p><p>Your son, as so many of our troubled kids do, may be using the guilt and regret you feel that his life was not perfect to justify doing nothing to help himself, now.</p><p></p><p>True strength for him, true self respect for him, must come from challenge well met, like it did for you and for me, too. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a danger signal.</p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>One day, your child will have to face the world on the world's terms, whatever his challenges. </p><p></p><p>It may be the kinder thing to help him move into his manhood now, than to allow him to continue as he is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a hard lesson, for him. If he can learn it, his life will follow a different course than if he pretends his mistreatment of her was acceptable.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Do you and husband have a timeline for him? A date by which he needs to be in school or working, or leave your home?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I would not deal with this issue right now. I would set a date by which there must be a job and rent paid or in school. If that is not possible for your son at this point, where else could he live?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree. How does your son see his future? What are his dreams? What direction does he see himself taking his life? Once again, if he does not see himself doing anything beyond living as he is now, are you and husband comfortable with that life for him?</p><p></p><p>How might you motivate him to change his opinion about his own potential?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 640753, member: 17461"] There is nothing for you to take back, B Warren. Seen in one way, your and your husband's ability to come through it together is a testament to human courage. Your son, as so many of our troubled kids do, may be using the guilt and regret you feel that his life was not perfect to justify doing nothing to help himself, now. True strength for him, true self respect for him, must come from challenge well met, like it did for you and for me, too. This is a danger signal. One day, your child will have to face the world on the world's terms, whatever his challenges. It may be the kinder thing to help him move into his manhood now, than to allow him to continue as he is. This is a hard lesson, for him. If he can learn it, his life will follow a different course than if he pretends his mistreatment of her was acceptable. Do you and husband have a timeline for him? A date by which he needs to be in school or working, or leave your home? I would not deal with this issue right now. I would set a date by which there must be a job and rent paid or in school. If that is not possible for your son at this point, where else could he live? I agree. How does your son see his future? What are his dreams? What direction does he see himself taking his life? Once again, if he does not see himself doing anything beyond living as he is now, are you and husband comfortable with that life for him? How might you motivate him to change his opinion about his own potential? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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