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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 75599" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>you are in no way a bad mother for not wanting him home. This is not your fault. You have not caused your difficult child to have the issues he has, but like all of us, you have probably enabled him for many years. That is what you need the help with. You need to learn how to stop enabling him and let him know who is making the rules. The fact that even on home visits you tell him he can't do something and he dissapears as soon as you leave the room tells me he certainly should not be coming home to live. Unless things can change for you and how you react to him, 5 minutes after he gets home everything he learned in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be reversed. </p><p></p><p>You only have 2 short months to find a solution. Get yourself into some intense counseling for you, not for him. Decide what you can handle when he comes home and what you expect from him. Then you need to be prepared to follow through and let him know what is expected and if he can't live by those rules, he will be asked to leave. If you don't feel you can do this, then don't let him come back home.</p><p></p><p>I kicked my son out 2 years ago last month. He was 18 years old and an active heroin addict. I enabled him for years to live the life he was living. Once I stopped allowing him to live that way in my home and stopped enabling him, that was when he was able to change his life. I always thought my son wasn't even capable of making his own bed. This month he has been one year clean, lived in a soberhouse for almost a year, works full time and just moved into his own apartment with his girlfriend. His apartment is spotless as was his room at the soberhouse. He was capable of doing all the things I thought he couldn't do, but I didn't know that until I gave him the chance to prove it to himself and everyone else. </p><p></p><p>You almost MUST think of the other 2 who live home with you. They don't want to be there when he's around, so how will that effect them if he moves back home. He will not only be destroying his own life if he isn't ready to change, but he will be destroying yours and the other two also.</p><p></p><p>Get some counseling. If there are drugs involved get to alanon. Don't let your mommy heart just allow him to come home when you haven't seen any changes. he's doing great at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and following the rules because he has no choice, or he can't stay there. Make it be known to him that the same goes for for your home.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 75599, member: 2442"] you are in no way a bad mother for not wanting him home. This is not your fault. You have not caused your difficult child to have the issues he has, but like all of us, you have probably enabled him for many years. That is what you need the help with. You need to learn how to stop enabling him and let him know who is making the rules. The fact that even on home visits you tell him he can't do something and he dissapears as soon as you leave the room tells me he certainly should not be coming home to live. Unless things can change for you and how you react to him, 5 minutes after he gets home everything he learned in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be reversed. You only have 2 short months to find a solution. Get yourself into some intense counseling for you, not for him. Decide what you can handle when he comes home and what you expect from him. Then you need to be prepared to follow through and let him know what is expected and if he can't live by those rules, he will be asked to leave. If you don't feel you can do this, then don't let him come back home. I kicked my son out 2 years ago last month. He was 18 years old and an active heroin addict. I enabled him for years to live the life he was living. Once I stopped allowing him to live that way in my home and stopped enabling him, that was when he was able to change his life. I always thought my son wasn't even capable of making his own bed. This month he has been one year clean, lived in a soberhouse for almost a year, works full time and just moved into his own apartment with his girlfriend. His apartment is spotless as was his room at the soberhouse. He was capable of doing all the things I thought he couldn't do, but I didn't know that until I gave him the chance to prove it to himself and everyone else. You almost MUST think of the other 2 who live home with you. They don't want to be there when he's around, so how will that effect them if he moves back home. He will not only be destroying his own life if he isn't ready to change, but he will be destroying yours and the other two also. Get some counseling. If there are drugs involved get to alanon. Don't let your mommy heart just allow him to come home when you haven't seen any changes. he's doing great at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and following the rules because he has no choice, or he can't stay there. Make it be known to him that the same goes for for your home. [/QUOTE]
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