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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 744101" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>The easiest way I can explain it is that I gleaned from grieving the loss of loved ones, specifically, my mother. I learned so much about the grieving process when my mother died, of course the learning was over time. This helped me with my son. </p><p>I learned that the grieving process was not just for when someone dies. I learned that it's for "any" loss we experience, the loss of a job, the loss of a friendship, the loss of a pet, the loss of home. Any loss that evokes our deepest emotion of sorrow, misery, sadness, distress, heartache, despair, etc....</p><p>I learned about the stages of grief. I worked off the model of 7 stages - there are some that have more but this one worked for me. Looking at each level and pairing it against our emotions can help us to see where we are and also guide us to the next level.</p><p>I've inserted my own comments in red.</p><p></p><p><strong>Here is the grief model we call the 7 Stages of Grief:</strong></p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">SHOCK & DENIAL- <span style="color: #ff0000">we can't believe our child's life is so out of control.</span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">PAIN & GUILT- ... <span style="color: #ff0000">I must have done something wrong in raising my child for them to turn out this way.</span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">ANGER & BARGAINING- ... <span style="color: #ff0000">I'll pay your rent but I resent having to do it. I'll bail you out of jail but I resent having to it. </span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- ... <span style="color: #ff0000">Reflecting on how sweet and loving our child once was. How we wish things were different. Missing them because communication is limited or not at all.</span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">THE UPWARD TURN- ... <span style="color: #ff0000">The beginning of acceptance - coming out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) we begin to let go, we begin to detach.</span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- ... <span style="color: #ff0000">We start to take our life back. We do things that bring us joy. We feel happy and can laugh without feeling guilty. </span></li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">ACCEPTANCE & HOPE- <span style="color: #ff0000">We have fully accepted that our adult child's life is of their own making. We don't like it but we accept it. We accept that we have no power or control over the choices they make. We have hope for them but we do not hold onto that hope so tightly that we strangle it. We love them and we let them go to live their life.</span></li> </ul><p><span style="color: #404040">Hope this helps. </span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 744101, member: 18516"] The easiest way I can explain it is that I gleaned from grieving the loss of loved ones, specifically, my mother. I learned so much about the grieving process when my mother died, of course the learning was over time. This helped me with my son. I learned that the grieving process was not just for when someone dies. I learned that it's for "any" loss we experience, the loss of a job, the loss of a friendship, the loss of a pet, the loss of home. Any loss that evokes our deepest emotion of sorrow, misery, sadness, distress, heartache, despair, etc.... I learned about the stages of grief. I worked off the model of 7 stages - there are some that have more but this one worked for me. Looking at each level and pairing it against our emotions can help us to see where we are and also guide us to the next level. I've inserted my own comments in red. [B]Here is the grief model we call the 7 Stages of Grief:[/B] [LIST] [*]SHOCK & DENIAL- [COLOR=#ff0000]we can't believe our child's life is so out of control.[/COLOR] [*]PAIN & GUILT- ... [COLOR=#ff0000]I must have done something wrong in raising my child for them to turn out this way.[/COLOR] [*]ANGER & BARGAINING- ... [COLOR=#ff0000]I'll pay your rent but I resent having to do it. I'll bail you out of jail but I resent having to it. [/COLOR] [*]"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS- ... [COLOR=#ff0000]Reflecting on how sweet and loving our child once was. How we wish things were different. Missing them because communication is limited or not at all.[/COLOR] [*]THE UPWARD TURN- ... [COLOR=#ff0000]The beginning of acceptance - coming out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) we begin to let go, we begin to detach.[/COLOR] [*]RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH- ... [COLOR=#ff0000]We start to take our life back. We do things that bring us joy. We feel happy and can laugh without feeling guilty. [/COLOR] [*]ACCEPTANCE & HOPE- [COLOR=#ff0000]We have fully accepted that our adult child's life is of their own making. We don't like it but we accept it. We accept that we have no power or control over the choices they make. We have hope for them but we do not hold onto that hope so tightly that we strangle it. We love them and we let them go to live their life.[/COLOR] [/LIST] [COLOR=#404040]Hope this helps. [/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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