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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 744106" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Tanya that was perfect for explaining the death of what we have wished for and are not going to get, be it a child, mother, friend, great job, anything. You give such great answers.</p><p></p><p>The mourning is sometimes worse and harder than a loved one who has passed on. At least then we are sure it is final.</p><p></p><p>I had to mourn my entire family of origin. Aside from my mother, the grieving of my sibs started when I was disinherited and neither called to see if I was okay, but it was a long process.</p><p></p><p> It ended around my car accident three years ago....that changed me.And my sister made a big deal out of my not thanking her for flowers she said she sent that I never got...not to mention I was not myself for a month. I didnt know who sent flowers and who.didnt. i didnt even remember my kids visiting me. It was insensitive and typical of her to focus on her. My brother never checked on me at all.</p><p></p><p> I decided to cut off my sister and brother after my father died so that he would not be sad about it....he had always wished for us all to be close. We werent but sometimes we did talk to each other. A lot of it on my side was for my dad since he wanted us in touch. But my heart was grieving, letting go of my entire family of origin except for my deceased grandmother who loved mme best and my dad who had no favorites.</p><p></p><p>When he died, and he was old, i said a final goodbye silently to myself..... to my sibs. I had grief for Dad but none for the sibs I had decided to cut off.</p><p></p><p> I had to leave my siblings behind, whether they cared or did not. For me. My brother didnt care but I think my sister did. I dont know why she thought I would stick around after how she had treated me. The cops. The constant cut offs.</p><p></p><p> She probably thought she had been good to me or it had all been my fault. I made her do it. That was how she would think.</p><p></p><p>She never thought to mourn me but I had mourned her years ago and just tried with her half heartedly for my dads sake. Her passing from my heart had happened a while ago.</p><p></p><p>A child of ours of course is harder and worse. But mourning the child he once was or whom we hoped he would be is probably not uncommon. And can be healthy in my opinion. It indicates acceptance.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 744106, member: 1550"] Tanya that was perfect for explaining the death of what we have wished for and are not going to get, be it a child, mother, friend, great job, anything. You give such great answers. The mourning is sometimes worse and harder than a loved one who has passed on. At least then we are sure it is final. I had to mourn my entire family of origin. Aside from my mother, the grieving of my sibs started when I was disinherited and neither called to see if I was okay, but it was a long process. It ended around my car accident three years ago....that changed me.And my sister made a big deal out of my not thanking her for flowers she said she sent that I never got...not to mention I was not myself for a month. I didnt know who sent flowers and who.didnt. i didnt even remember my kids visiting me. It was insensitive and typical of her to focus on her. My brother never checked on me at all. I decided to cut off my sister and brother after my father died so that he would not be sad about it....he had always wished for us all to be close. We werent but sometimes we did talk to each other. A lot of it on my side was for my dad since he wanted us in touch. But my heart was grieving, letting go of my entire family of origin except for my deceased grandmother who loved mme best and my dad who had no favorites. When he died, and he was old, i said a final goodbye silently to myself..... to my sibs. I had grief for Dad but none for the sibs I had decided to cut off. I had to leave my siblings behind, whether they cared or did not. For me. My brother didnt care but I think my sister did. I dont know why she thought I would stick around after how she had treated me. The cops. The constant cut offs. She probably thought she had been good to me or it had all been my fault. I made her do it. That was how she would think. She never thought to mourn me but I had mourned her years ago and just tried with her half heartedly for my dads sake. Her passing from my heart had happened a while ago. A child of ours of course is harder and worse. But mourning the child he once was or whom we hoped he would be is probably not uncommon. And can be healthy in my opinion. It indicates acceptance. Hugs to all. [/QUOTE]
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