Quick vent - she loses everything!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by daralex, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Just a quick vent. difficult child has been doing very well as of late. She's been responsible, less rude, and almost human at times. She has Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD) which comes with memory deficit - it mimicks short term memory loss and she "forgets" things eaily and loses anything of value. So for the holidays I bought her an $80 winter coat she desperately wanted and we couldn't really afford. I asked her yesterday where it was and she doesn't remember where she left it but knows it is not in out house. Then she calls me last night from her friends house and tells me she lost her phone at the mall (This will be the THIRD time replacing it inless than a year and another $50 we can't afford!) I was very calm and did all the "right" things. i didn't blow up at her and I am trying to embrace the whole "natural consequences" thing.

    So she doesn't know how upset I am - probably a good thing she spent the night at the friends house! So, yes, I handled it well. There was no blow up and I know there really isn't much I can except replace the phone (and have her do extra chores as a method of helping to pay the phone off) but boy it makes me angry!!!! I have to replace the phone beacuse she will die without it. I homeschool her and it is her only contact with the outside world most days. I'm thinking of making her a velcro suit so I can just stick everything to her!:mad:

    Thanks for letting me vent!
  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    OMG - I love it!! A Velcro suit! You could make a fortune, hon, and buy her a new phone every day!!! :rofl:

    It's wonderful that she's been doing better and I think also wonderful that you recognize why she's losing stuff - you're smart! I would also say that, with Weeburt at least, this puberty stuff has caused him to become the flightiest kid I've ever met, so I wonder if also it's just compounded because of her age.

    We "lose" things frequently around here. I don't know if this would work with your daughter, but we sit and go thru the steps - where did you have it last? Did you have it here, there? How did you get there, was it with you then? And then just follow it thru - most of the time it works.

    FWIW - my husband lost his phone at the mall over the holiday shopping season. I was fixed to throttle the man! Thought for sure it was gone and we'd get a bill for umpteen million calls to Mars. But I called the phone repeatedly and finally someone answered (it has an obnoxious ringtone) - it was in the lost and found at the Mall! Might be worth a try???

    Hang in there!
  3. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I'm going to call the mall as soon as they open today (I have to have hope!)
    Thanks for the encouraging words! i was actually surprised she knew where she lost it! Because of the processing disorder she can't extract info out of her head very well. If I ask her where she had it last I get this blank stare like what?!, you expect me to remember something?! I'm going to start making the suit!!!!!
    Thanks again!
  4. Coookie

    Coookie Active Member

    I love the velcro suit idea too. :rofl: It could be a money maker I bet. :thumbsup: Sue's idea about calling the phone is a great one. :)

    It is so hard not to react when they loose things though, but having her do extra chores to replace them is a wonderful idea.

    No words of wisdom, just understanding hugs.
  5. tonysmom821

    tonysmom821 New Member

    I'm new to this website and I don't quite understand all the abbreviations yet - but I can definetly relate to your child losing important things because mine does the same. I have a 15 year old son - who just lost his second cell phone in 6 months. That's it. I'm done with cell phones. His sister gave him her old phone and all he has to do is buy a SIM card - that's totally up to him. I'm not buying it.

    I'm learning regardless of his disorders, I cannot hold his hand for the rest of his life. He's got to learn there are consequences. It's the hardest lesson in the world. One day he's going to have to learn to be independent without me around. At least that's the goal.

    So... what I did was quit buying stuff he loses. Period. He gets rewarded for doing good in school and a good attitude. But not rewarded for things he loses.

    I hope this helps! You're not the only one out there frustrated with irresponsible teens who keep losing stuff! :)

  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My son used to lose his shoes all the time in the summer. And I mean ALL THE TIME. He'd ever "forget" to bring them home from the park or "forget" where he put them anyways. He is fourteen, not two. I also find that the Lost in Found at school is half his things. Right now I don't buy him overly expensive clothes because of this and shoes are Walmart shoes. In the summer he gets REALLY cheap shoes because he usually goes out barefoot. As for the cell phone, I personally would make her use the land phone. Cell phones cost too much to keep replacing. Even people with short term memory problems (I have a NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and trouble with short term memory retention--always, always, always have) and you can learn to put your things in the same place over and over again so that you really don't have to remember what you did with them. Another thing that helps me is to talk out loud. I know it sounds weird, but if I say out loud, "My car is parked in B42" I am much more apt to remember where I parked my car and not have to walk all over the parking lot...lol. I've learned to keep my cell phone in my purse. We won't start on how often I "misplace" my purse and how my kids got a shocking orange purse for me so that I'd never be unable to spot it...lol.
    Funny post.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sorry, but I wouldn't be paying for a new phone for her. She can save her allowance, do chores to earn money, whatever. She can use the home phone to call her friends. I paid for the first two phones my daughter lost and told her the next one was on her. She lost it and did without a phone for 5 months. Strangely enough, she hasn't lost a phone since then.

    Does her phone have a number on the back? That does help when someone finds the phone.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    My difficult child goes through stages of memory loss. We handle it like this- some things I make sure I buy inexpensive stuff, put name tags on what we can, try to help him understand that sometimes he is forgetful, like me, so write it down or try real hard if it's important, let him suffer the natural consequences for some period of time before replacing- not as a punishment for being forgetful, but to try to get him to see he needs to find ways to keep things organized or help remeber things- if you take your shoes off, leave them next to the door, gate, whatever. This helps some, but boy, I've had to replace a lot of things many times and there is a ton of homework, pencils, eyeglasses, socks, etc., a a very big black hole somewhere!! He also loses things that I know he doesn't want to lose, so I know it's not just a ploy- at least not always.
  9. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    We don't have a land line so if she doesn't have her own phone she ends up using mine or my boyfriends which makes me nuts! We originally got her a phone last year when she was still in public school because she would have mini panic attacks and the only way she could calm down was by calling me. I like to be able to give her warnings before something bad happens to avoid a blow up - but I thought this time I'll have to tell her that I will not replace it if she loses it again. Only problem with that is we have a 2 year committment on the phone as a family plan so I will be paying for 2 phones no matter what for at least another year. What happened to the good old days of rotary phones with long tangly cords stuck on the walls??!! I hate cell phones!:sheepish:
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    First of all, Way to GO!!! You didn't blow up!!! AWESOME!!!!!

    Now, have HER call the phone a few times to see if someone answers it. Then can you take her to retrace her movements to look for it?

    We just went through the lost/ruined phone thing with Jess. She got a phone because medical issues and needing to be able to get ahold of me. medication issues are much better, but she still needs the phone (I say!).

    with-o the phone she cannot go to the other section of the bookstore, or WalMart, or anywhere. She had to stay with me, and that means if she has to go to the bathroom, she has to "drag me with her" (her words!).:devil2:

    She also can't go anywhere without one of us. Not ANYWHERE! :devil2

    When she got a new phone (we had 2 lines to upgrade, so got 2 new phones for husband and I, and she paid for my old one!), I let her have the phone that a cord could be attached to. If she goes anywhere, she has to have the phone around her neck. At home, it has to either be on the charger or on the key hook.

    We are finding this to be very very helpful. The phone is mostly so I can find her if she wanders off.

    Sorry she is so tough on phones, and losing other stuff. Can I have a Velcro suit for my mom??? she loses everything too!
  11. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    With lost phones - the kid has to pay for a replacement and do without in the meantime. And yes, they need to work with us to find where they lost it.

    We also label things, so they have a better chance of making it home. I even labelled difficult child 3 until very recently (wrist tag with name and my mobile phone number; sticky schoolbook label on his chest with the same info plus his diagnosis).

    Phones - if yours is on a plan, it could be network-locked (or is that only in Australia & NZ?) A network-locked phone cannot be used except as a paperweight, once you telephone the service provider and ask them to lock the phone from making any more calls. And even if they try to use the phone by swapping SIMS, a network-locked phone still won't work.

    My phone's plan had elapsed when we went to NZ, but we didn't know the network lock had to be taken off by request - we didn't even know it WAS network-locked, until we tried to swap to a NZ pre-paid SIM and found it wouldn't work. Luckily we'd brought a spare hand-set (not locked) and I had to use that for the three weeks we were there. My phone lived in husband's backpack for the duration - except when we took an overnight trip to Milford Sound. husband took my phone out of his backpack (in case he backpack got stolen) and put my phone in a drawer in the time-share place we were staying in.
    Then we had to 'bug out' in a hurry, to get ahead of the next, bigger, snowstorm. My phone got left behind. But because I hadn't been using it, we didn't realise until a week later, when we were heading back to Sydney. Our phone had been loose in NZ for a week and we hadn't known.
    We emailed the resort, they said they only found one sock on our departure. Sorry. No trace of a phone, the diligent staff would have found it.

    We thought about it more, then emailed back. "We bugged out fast. So did everyone else. Your cleaning staff were short-handed because of the snow and ice. It was mayhem. And we saw on the news -the same thing happened the following week. The phone is in the drawer underneath the radio, in a green plastic bag. I bet your staff just didn't have time to check, with all the rush. No blame to them - it was a hectic day.
    PLUS - the phone is network-locked. There is no way a thief could use it, not even by swapping SIMS or changing providers. Our own password plus proof of ID is all that will unlock this phone. PLUS - it has a lot of phone numbers and contact details which are vital to my wife who is disabled and chronically ill and MUST remain in phone contact at all times."
    They found the phone and posted it back to us. Minus the sock, but we didn't care about that.

    I hope this helps.

    And for future use - make her wear the phone on a lanyard. Put a sticker on the phone saying, "If you find this, please contact --- because the user of this phone needs to be in contact for heath reasons." Or similar. Whatever you think will work, without causing her problems.

    Also - we keep old phones, off-plan, the 'bricks' which don't have the fancy bells and whistles and which otherwise go into landfill, and use them with pre-paid cards. That way if the phone is lost, we only lose an old (obsolete) phone with how ever many dollars were left on the card. Older phones are less likely to get stolen, too. If she wants a glamorous phone - she can save up for one herself.