Racism sucks

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Background: My kids are black. Our schools are 89% white, roughly 5% black, 5% hispanic and 1% asian. Racism is not usually a huge problem. Eeyore lacks many 'true' friends due to his weak social skills and inability to join a club/team and stick with it. He has already been 'rejected' by his first lunch table due to his behavior (no blame on those kids, he was obnoxious) and his second lunch table is full of difficult children.

    Yesterday, one of the older boys stood up and made a speech: "I am proud to be a racist. I'm not a total racist. I mean, I wouldn't kill Eeyore but I could do a hate crime on him. That is Eeyore's new nickname -- HateCrime!" Not one student stood up to him, not one. Eeyore came home and told me his new "nickname". I nearly went through the roof. I explained that it was racist and mean and completely unacceptable. I emailed the admin in charge of discipline, Eeyore's case manager, the dean in charge of the lunchroom and the ROTC director since that boy is in the corp. The ROTC director responded last night with sympathy (which aggravates me because Eeyore told that he reported it to the corp already).

  2. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    That is just awful. Hopefully that difficult child will be disciplined.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    The last issue resulted in a two-week placement for the racist at our town's alternate school. Partly because she was "proud" of her comments and did not understand why it was wrong.
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez, it isn't difficult to figure out that the young racist has been brought up with older racists, passing the hate on down the line. How incredibly sad and appalling at the same time. I'm glad though that Eeyore reported the incident to authorities and to you, he didn't keep it bottled up inside. I'm sorry for the ignorance and fear of small minds, it still amazes me.
  5. greenrene

    greenrene Member

    Oh HELL no. Heads should roll for that BS. And that nobody stood up to that awful kid - that breaks my heart. I'd be raising some serious hell about this - sounds like you are doing just that, JJJ. Get 'em! That is sooooooooooooo unacceptable!
  6. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    FWIW? I don't think of anyone on this board as any particular color - one of the beauties of the board anonymity! So when you mentioned the kids are black it took me by surprise.

    But then - even my own family is multicolored. Onyxx is PALE white, husband a medium tan, Jett is olive-skinned, I'm kind of peachy-colored and Meggie is pink. One of my closest friends is cafe-au-lait, what would have been called a quadroon. Another is flame-haired and paper-white-skinned.

    I hope this particular child is disciplined - AND taught that color means NOTHING.AT.ALL.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Oh gosh. I thought you lived in a part of the country that was above all that. Sheesh. I would almost understand a comment like that coming from from some backwoods, small town place where the Klan still has a foothold. Not that it would be right but it would be more understandable. Idiotic thoughts being passed on down generations.

    Im so sorry this is going on.
  8. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I think there is something in the air. A friend in the next town over had her daughter called racist names over the weekend.

    I think I have trouble dealing with it because it is rare but even once is too much!!!
  9. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry your family has been made to endure this. Is there any way the kids can be exposed to sensitivity training? I've found many kids parrot what they hear at home, much like bullying bahavior. I feel sorry for Eeyore and even a little sorry for that other child having never been taught to love one another.
  10. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That is sickening. I'm guessing this happened at his difficult child lunch table, by another difficult child. She actually stood up and made that speech? She admitted she could commit a hate crime! How GENEROUS of her that she wouldn't actually kill him. If she gets away scot free, I would contact the police to see if you could get a restraining order against that loudmouth, since she fully admitted in front of witnesses that she could commit a hate crime on him. I don't know if that applies to minors. If school is dragging its feet on sanctions, I'd call the local TV news to report the event and the fact that NO ONE spoke up and defended your kid. Open a can of whoop-a** and shame on them if they tolerate this koi. I am disgusted.
    Schools often claim to have a "no tolerance" policy on bullying, etc., and they sometimes overreact, suspending kids who don't deserve it. This case is clearly not like that. Let's see what your school has to say. Sadly, your son may be further victimized and ostracized at school if you make a fuss.
  11. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Unacceptable on any level! Beyond bullying doesn't it fall under "terroristic threats" these days? I mean come on, she literally stated she could do a hate crime. That IS a threat!

    I'm sorry this had to happen and I hope you don't stop until you get satisfaction.
  12. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Janet - I am simply stunned at the racism here. Naive little me didn't think people still thought that way. It's the first time in my adult life that I've run into it and honestly, it just turns my stomach how *openly* some people can spew such ignorance. I've raised my kids to be colorblind, but it's been hard when their friends' parents think nothing of blurting out such hateful racist statements in front of my kids.

    JJJ- Eeyore gets *big* kudos for keeping his cool - I cannot begin to imagine how utterly stupifying that experience must have been. I hope you get an appropriate response from the school. This is completely intolerable. Big hug to your young man (and you, 'cuz I know it must've just set your hair on fire!!!).
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed that this is handled appropriately at the school. I'm assuming they have a written policy that would cover this incident and assure that Eeyore isn't further victimized in any way. Honestly I found myself a little teary eyed reading the post because I remember the anxiety caused by not having a "safe" table to eat lunch for difficult child#2. There was no race issue for our children but there was too much obvious isolation and lack of acceptance. I'm sorry. DDD
  14. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    To clarify, we have had no further issues with the girl who got the 2 weeks suspension.

    The speech was made by an older boy (who is friend's with the girl's boyfriend, so it is related).

    The school is usually good, especially when the "victim" keeps his cool. Lunch starts soon, I am giving them time to investigate and handle this. If I don't hear from them in a couple of hours, I will be calling.
  15. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry, JJJ. It isn't fair and should not be tolerated. We have come so far, but we are sliding backwards these days. Sad.
  16. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    It certainly does. One would hope we would already be free from that, but apparently hating and resenting other people is so fun that people just has to use any excuse possible. Of course with kids it can be, that they know it is a big, red button and those of course are to be pushed...

    Still very sorry your son had to experience this and I do hope school handles it appropriately.
  17. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    Holy cow!! I can't believe that someone actually stood up and said that they would commit a hate crime against another student, and no one did anything about it! I hope the school punished the student who said it because that goes beyond bullying, in my opinion. Let us know what the does does, of doesn't, do. I'm interested in hearing their response.
  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    School called with an update. Their investigation is not over but they have made a good start. SpeechBoy said he was trying to be funny 'like the rap stars' and that he didn't think anyone would think he was serious. He said he likes Eeyore and thought he was laughing too. His mother was called and she was upset with her son and apologetic. He will be getting a discipline consequence. I suggested a book report on a book related to racism or bullying.

    The other boy admitted to calling Eeyore "my n****r". He will have a definite discipline consequence. I asked for a book report to be added to his consequences as this is not the first time we have had issues with this boy (he is the boyfriend of the girl who got suspended).

    Both boys said there was a third boy involved and the dean was trying to figure out if he was just at the table or if he said stuff too.
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Cripes, and this kid is in ROTC? Hope it's not in a leadership position.

    I used to wonder if I needed to have a discussion with Storm about racial prejudice and how she saw people (we live in a pretty homogenized area, mostly white). Her response? "I notice black men say 'Yo' a lot." Never felt the need to raise the issue again, and having met her friends, they're black, Chinese, white, you name it.
  20. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Our ROTC is a haven of difficult children. I think more than half of the kids are in there to avoid PE, not because they want to be in ROTC.