Lucy, you are an inspiration to me. I feel a kinship with you and so many others on this site, even though we are a continent and an ocean away.
If mothers were in charge of the world, it would be a much better place (lol!).
Because I believe that only kindness matters. And just keeping our lives simple---walking on the beach, like you posted above---getting away from "stuff and more stuff" in an attempt to find happiness, finding something to believe in that is greater than ourselves---whatever or whomeever it is.
Last night my easy child and his fiancee came over in the late afternoon to help SO and myself dig out a 20-year-old bush that was part of the landscaping in front of the house. A few months ago, difficult child came over and helped dig out the other "matching" bush on the other side.
This is the last of the landscaping from when we bought the house. It was too overgrown even though we have tried to cut it back multiple times.
The roots were all the way to China. We had all of the tools out there, shovels, an axe, a pickaxe and they chopped and chopped these roots, we were all laughing and sweating and digging, and then SO put a big tie around the bush and hooked it to the trailer hitch and finally the old truck was able to pull it out. It was quite a job!
SO was teasing easy child about difficult child chopping roots in two or three tries, while easy child was taking more tries. Gentle teasing, guy stuff.
Then we made barbeque chicken, corn on the cob and I made a homemade chocolate cream pie and we all sat down and ate.
It was a very nice evening.
easy child and fiancee are coming up for the day on the Fourth to ride the jetskis with us at the lake, where we will be all weekend.
The night before, in the middle of the night, I woke up and got upset about difficult child not being able to enjoy these times, especially at the holidays, which seem to be much harder. I got twisted up about it---the middle of the night Parade of the Terribles, and then went to Al-Anon where I was able to have enough silence and feel the simple human caring in the room enough to see that well, okay, it won't work right now for difficult child to come and ride the jetskis with us, but maybe later SO and I can take him fishing one afternoon and we'll see how that goes. difficult child loves to fish.
I was able to see some middle ground, not just the black and white, all or nothing that I can lapse into when I get upset and scared and desperate for something, anything to change with difficult child.
I am going to work this week especially hard to write every single morning a gratitude list. That simple act can change my attitude and my thinking.
I haven't heard from difficult child since last week when I gave him the $$ for his RX, etc., and a note that said let's not talk until Thursday. He hasn't tried to contact me, and that space and distance has given me a chance to regain myself a bit. I have gone to an Al-Anon meeting every single day and I am going to another one today. There is a 1:1 correlation between my going to meetings and how much better I feel.
My gratitude list for today:
1. Lucy's post about walking on the beach, watching the World Cup, cycling and gardening. Feeling a kinship with a friend in another part of the world, and knowing that she understands and I understand---we understand together.
2. The rain held off this morning so our running group could run our 3.1 miles. Less humid so not so hard today.
3. The time spent with easy child, fiancee and SO last night. A very sweet and simple time.
4. Another new day to make of it the best that I can.
5. Work to do, things I am responsible for. The next thing in front of me.
Blessings and hope and prayers for each and all of us today---we are in this together. That is a huge blessing to me.