Well, our son is back on FB again. He contacted us last week as he "acquired" another smart phone. Don't ask where he got it from, I didn't. I can only guess that he got it from his new girlfriend...who is married....who he had dinner with including her husband. Makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. Anyway, since he got back on FB last week I've seen a grand total of three posts of his which means he probably has me blocked. Works for me as I don't want to see most of his stuff anyway. Only friended him as an easy way to contact each other. So his first post announced to the FB world that he was back. A day or so later, he updated his profile pick. Last night, after having been back on FB for around 5 days or so, he posts something to the effect of I'm turning 20 in a week and could care less. Seriously????? He has made no bones about the fact that he hates his life and his friends. So what has he done to change this you ask? Good question, the short answer, and unfortunately the long one as well, is nothing. He's been unemployed since January. I doubt seriously that he done anything more than the most cursory job hunting. In other words, every couple of weeks he might go to the library and put in an online application. He still hangs out with the same people who have helped to make his life miserable and who he always complains are unreliable at best. But he wont stop hanging out with them because its better to have sucky friends than no friends, right? Personally, I'd rather be alone than call or hang out with someone I didn't trust but that's me. He is also apparently without cigarettes (no sympathy whatsoever on this point) as he commented to Lil the other day that a friend had given him a refillable e-cig and it would be nice if we could get him some refills for his birthday. With the new phone he can access the internet again so he will be on our Netflix account and he also called Lil about getting the password to our DirectTV so he could watch Game of Thrones online. She reminded him that his account would be shut off on June 1st as per our agreement when we got him the apartment. He was surprised that we were going to cut off his phone service. I wonder how shocked he will act when we wont sign for his lease extension when the lease comes due June 1st? Lets be honest here, its going to happen. Sorry, this is pretty much just a bit of venting. Lil and I got into the discussion last night of why. Why does he do this, why wont he do that? I will admit that I'm better at not asking useless questions like this than Lil is. Not saying they aren't legitimate questions, just that there is no way to answer them and I'm having trouble not thinking about it right now. Anyway, I got talking with an offender this morning and it got me going on the whole "What the hell are/were they thinking?!?!" thing and now I find myself trying, against all reason, to figure out what the hell is going on in my son's mind. I had more job experience by my 17th birthday than he has by his 20th yet he has held more jobs in the last year than I did by the age of 23. I probably bathe more in a week than he does in a month. He has such a NARROW view of what the world is and that view is so convoluted by his me-centric thinking that he just sits in his little rathole of an apartment waiting for his life to change while making no attempt whatsoever to encourage that change. I do believe its time though. Time for Lil and I to go see a counselor. Time for us to quit talking about getting on with our lives and actually doing it. We need help letting this go and getting on with our lives. I might scratch my head at my son for just sitting there and waiting for his life to change, but it hit me last night that Lil and I are doing that very same thing. We were initially so overwhelmed with what was going on with our son that we ignored other aspects of our lives. Our house is a shambles. Not filthy as in you would be squicked out walking in or sitting down but cluttered and dirty well beyond being simply lived in. We are both having trouble sleeping. Maybe we should wear ourselves out cleaning house so we can sleep. Lack of sleep is also having an adverse affect on our weight, which is affecting our sleep. Its all become a vicious circle and its time to break that circle. The discussion we are having in Sunday School is titled "You Cant Walk on Water if You Don't Get Out of the Boat" and this has bearing hear even for those who aren't Christians. Because this translates simply to "You Can't do it if You Don't Try!" Time to try!