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Rap Boy: -new problem-need help with
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 68155" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Girls this age having sex - there is a LOT of peer pressure in some circles. It's really intense and involves utter debasement purely for the pleasure of the boys involved. If a girl doesn't play along she becomes a total social outcast, so they go along with what the boys want, even though they don't like it, purely as a result of extreme emotional blackmail. They PRETEND to not care, because to say you don't like it or don't want to do it, or have 'values' will lead to victimisation (and possibly rape). A lot of it involves oral sex and the public mythology among the girls is that this isn't REALLY sex, but it's something that girls must do, if the boys are to like them. All girls, to all boys. No saying no, because why would you want to say no?</p><p></p><p>It all goes the boys' way, they learn absolutely nothing about respecting the females in their lives and learn everything about expecting they can have whatever they want in personal selfish sexual pleasure.</p><p></p><p>It also begins horribly young in some areas - girls can be barely into their teens when they meet these expectations; far too young to be able to handle such a quandary.</p><p></p><p>This is too complex to just be critical of one boy, or one girl. This is a large social problem, a problem belonging to a large group in general and a self-perpetuating problem. What is needed is a combination of sex education plus social education on a broad scale, especially teaching ALL kids they have a right to say no, and a refuge to go to/call in the event of victimisation. There needs to be accountability and support for the kids who now know they have the right to opt out.</p><p></p><p>And MWM, on the subject of privacy - I agree, it has to be earned and can be taken away in an instant. Privacy is a privilege, not a right, in these circumstances. But will a confrontation NOW stop him? I doubt it. Maybe letting him know that you know about it may be somewhat of a deterrent. But what can you do? Handcuff him to the bedpost in his room? What about school? What about all the times during the day when he is out of your jurisdiction? Lunch break? After school? Middle of the night?</p><p></p><p>The best deterrent is whatever you've been able to already put in his head. You can do no more than this.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 68155, member: 1991"] Girls this age having sex - there is a LOT of peer pressure in some circles. It's really intense and involves utter debasement purely for the pleasure of the boys involved. If a girl doesn't play along she becomes a total social outcast, so they go along with what the boys want, even though they don't like it, purely as a result of extreme emotional blackmail. They PRETEND to not care, because to say you don't like it or don't want to do it, or have 'values' will lead to victimisation (and possibly rape). A lot of it involves oral sex and the public mythology among the girls is that this isn't REALLY sex, but it's something that girls must do, if the boys are to like them. All girls, to all boys. No saying no, because why would you want to say no? It all goes the boys' way, they learn absolutely nothing about respecting the females in their lives and learn everything about expecting they can have whatever they want in personal selfish sexual pleasure. It also begins horribly young in some areas - girls can be barely into their teens when they meet these expectations; far too young to be able to handle such a quandary. This is too complex to just be critical of one boy, or one girl. This is a large social problem, a problem belonging to a large group in general and a self-perpetuating problem. What is needed is a combination of sex education plus social education on a broad scale, especially teaching ALL kids they have a right to say no, and a refuge to go to/call in the event of victimisation. There needs to be accountability and support for the kids who now know they have the right to opt out. And MWM, on the subject of privacy - I agree, it has to be earned and can be taken away in an instant. Privacy is a privilege, not a right, in these circumstances. But will a confrontation NOW stop him? I doubt it. Maybe letting him know that you know about it may be somewhat of a deterrent. But what can you do? Handcuff him to the bedpost in his room? What about school? What about all the times during the day when he is out of your jurisdiction? Lunch break? After school? Middle of the night? The best deterrent is whatever you've been able to already put in his head. You can do no more than this. Marg [/QUOTE]
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