(Rap Boy) Son just left home today

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Arttillygirl, Mar 27, 2010.

  1. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    He's 18 yrs old and 2 months left at school where he would've gained a high school AND AA degree. We thought we'd come so far from when we posted in this forum before about his obsession with rap music.

    He is grounded for a month because this week we found out he was lying to us and going to a bad part of town to be with a 26 year old girl who's supposed to be his music "promoter". She is living on disability supposedly due to an injury-I think she's on welfare. We tried to be open minded and so we asked her to dinner. It could've turned out worse but she's a low life in my opinion.
    A few weeks ago we did a drug test on him and it came back positive for marijuana so we were suspecting her.

    He had an appointment. to record his music (his myopic passion) at a studio and we agreed but since we don't believe him anymore the agreement was to put a gps on his phone in case he went somewhere else.

    Well I found a text on his phone that verified she was the one giving him marijuana. So we had a talk about it and he became violent and smashed his phone, a picture, and assorted stuff in our home. My husband called the police. My son packed things into a plastic bag and left.

    Now his education and future are in jeopardy and we all feel horrible
  2. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    I am wondering if we will be held responsible for truancy if he doesn't return to school on Monday on his own.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi there. I remember you guys. Sorry you had to return under such circumstances.

    So he hooked up with a 26 yo? Hmmm. I just get all icky over that. It doesnt bother me when its someone older being with someone a few years younger but when its someone being with a teen? Come on....really? Plus...she is doing drugs with him. Double ugh.

    I think you all did the right thing in calling the cops over the violence. Cant put up with that. Witzend put it really well in a post over in PE. She said it much better than I am about to but she basically said that as parents we arent throwing the kids out, we are just telling them we have rules and we expect our families to live by these rules and anyone who cant can go elsewhere and live by their own rules. Makes perfect sense. She said it much better though...lol. Im sure your son will be okay. Our kids always seem to land on their feet.

    I hope he wont throw away his education. That would be sad. We have a program like that in our high school here.
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    He is 18. How on earth can you be held liable for anything with him? He is old enough to join the military!
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    A few thoughts from the mom of a daughter who was once a drug addict.

    First of all, he's 18 so you can't stop him from seeing this girl. I find the age gap too large, but there's not a lot you can do and most 18 year olds won't put up with a grounding. He left? Maybe it will help him grow up if he lives on his own.

    Also, it is pointless to blame this girl for his weed use (and possibly more). He could get the weed from anyone in school. Trust me, it's not hard. It's his choice to smoke weed...she just gave him the means to do it and if she hadn't been there, he would have gotten it from somebody else. I'm a 56 year old adult and if I wanted weed, I could get some from various older neighbors. It is everywhere. He needs to be the one you hold responsible in my opinion.

    I think it's probably a good idea to start Detachment 101. At this age, we legally can't do squat, but worrying CAN ruin our lives. Your son can always clean up his act and go back to school. This isn't the end of the line. My daughter cleaned up. She is 25 and still in college, finally focused and aware of what she wants to do. It takes some kids more time to grow up. But you can't make him, just as we couldn't do it. It had to come from my daughter.

    (((Hugs))) From one who knows first hand, I realize just how hard this is and I'm sorry.
  6. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    Well if he returns do you suggest we just give him his freedom (car) back and not monitor where he goes until he graduates?
  7. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    by the way: I find out Tuesday whether or not I have breast cancer. He has reached a new low in my mind and in my heart (pulling this now) as I have devoted so much of my life to this kid.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh....no...I wouldnt give him his car back. No way. Well, not unless it is in his name and you have no choice in the matter. If legally you cant withhold it from him, then you are in a bad position but if you are providing insurance I would take it off. He might have a car, but he cant legally drive it. If you get my drift.

    Now...I am so sorry about the whole breast cancer issue. How horrible he is doing this at this time. Kids!

    Im not going to tell you whether you should let him back or not. That is up to you and your husband. Is this the first time he has thrown a fit and broken stuff and stormed out? That would probably make a difference to me. Maybe you could sit down with him when he is calm if he comes home and make a contract for rules and behavior. Maybe he would be willing to work with you. Carrot and stick. Of course, you would have to tell him that physical violence is a no go. He would have to understand that...and agree.

    I hope he does come back and is sorry for what he did. That would be the best thing. It can happen.
  9. Arttillygirl

    Arttillygirl New Member

    He came back repentant, thank God. I'm so glad to see him I am not disciplining much. He has written down what he promises to do. No Drugs, finish high school, finish college, put family first. Thanks for your advice and support, we'll see.