REgardless of whatever happens, cherish this time. Hopefully motherhood has brought about permanent changes, it really does for some people.
If she is to get TANF and other help, she will HAVE to file for child support for Connor. Even if the father's don't end up paying, she will be required to at least file and the courts will order a paternity test. It is the law in most states. Her only chance of not filing for it is to claim she has no clue who the father could be, but chances are htat a name is on the birth certificate and they go with that or they ask for all potential names and order tests unless one father claims the child and the mother is okay with it. My niece is ours regardless of DNA and we won't do a DNA test even though her mom is promiscuous at the most charitable description. Tests won't change that after all these years. She can petition to have the dad declared unfit and to have his rights terminated, but then she has to bear both halves of child support to get any aid at least in some states. My state is looking into moving in this direction.
She needs rehab. She needs to get that letter while she is there, and denying the letter will harm your relationship iwth her. I do understand making the letter wait, but you will have a tough time with her if she learns you knew and read the letter and did not give it to her. It may be better to discuss what you did with her therapist and with her while she is in rehab, and dealing with the trust issues in that setting because if she learns of it while out of rehab it may make her not feel she can trust you. Honesty is important, and a careless remark years down the road may spill the beans and do permanent damage to yoru relationship. You have to at least think about that.
If prozac helped before, and paxil makes things worse, she may want to try luvox if prozac isn't as effective. Prozac and luvox (fluoxetine and fluvoxamine, respectively) are closely related chemically. Luvox is sort of supercharged prozac, if that makes sense. I have found the same reactions to paxil and prozac myself, and if prozac doesn't work will try luvox instead of other ssri type medications because i have seen that luvox has helped several relatives who had the same reactions that I did. Some docs will push pristiq or effexor, but they work on both ssri and snri channels and for the people who have had the same reaction to paxil (not good) and prozac (good but not working as well after a period of time or the dose is maxed out), both pristiq and effexor have worked well at first and then with a small dosage increase they caused severe anxieties that were very out of the ordinary. I actually could not leave my house and if I was 30 min late iwth a dose I had electric shock sensations when I turned my head and a week later I started to hallucinate. I won't EVER try an snri medication again, and two cousins and an aunt all had exactly the same reactions to each of these medications. Since prozac works, and luvox is closely related but stronger chemically, it may work the same for your daughter. Just info to THINK about and ask about.
I hope she can stay off drugs and keep custody of her child with the help and support of rehab and therapy and family. I am so glad you have had this magical time, regardless of what the future brings. Are you going to meetings (alanon/NA family meetings)? Do you know that difficult child's chances of staying sober and clean are 30% higher if you go to regular meetings and work the 12 Steps yourself? Having family attend meetings helps support sobriety AND helps family understand the changes and the process of recovery. If your daughter would go from a D to a B if you spent an hour or two a week at the school, you would have done it, wouldn't you? This is the very same thing, and it also can help keep your son from using as he grows up. Just seeing a sibling go through addiction is NOT enough to keep someone from using and addiction runs in families, so it IS something that he needs to be educated about. I know LOTS of people think the addict needs help and they don't, but codependency is real and invades every relationship you have. Meetings can help you make changes and truly can improve your life in the long run, and it is totally worth the effort and time. It also shows the addict that you love that you are truly committed to helping the entire family and you know that it IS a family illness and not just the addict's problem. That means more than you can realize to an addict. Also, the entire family is sick, not just your difficult child. If you all came down with strep throat, you would not send difficult child to the doctor and expect that to heal all of you. Addiction really isn't different, it is just expressed differently in different family members.
