RE: Adult son 33 is homeless In Rhode Island Payla, After another dead end conversation with my son followed by another sleepless night ,I finally realized how much I needed to reach out to someone who would understand my hopelessness. I cant believe my good fortune in finding this site and someone who Is going through the same situation! The only difference I believe is our son lives in Rhode Island and we live in another state. Sometimes that makes it easier, other times much harder! We too enabled our son throughout his life! We sent him to a technical college i Rhode Island when he was 19, where he promptly dropped out. We continued to pay rent, car payments , etc. on and off for these 14 years. His dream is to write and produce music and he does work ( sporadically) as a DJ, clubs, etc.. He has had various jobs over the years but hates to work a 9-5 and always ends up leaving, mostly getting fired. He refuses to go back to school or any kind of technical training. The worst of it is he is an epileptic and last year had a major seizure. Luckily a friend came by and took him to the emergency room. With no insurance or money he got minimal treatment. He injured his back and was given pain medication. He claims his back is still very painful and we are sure he has a substance abuse problem. He smokes pot on a fairly regular basis. He doesn't harass like you son does you but will call more frequently when he gets desperate for money. We have virtually stopped all money with the exception of gifts for Birthday, holidays. He does get food stamps and yesterday admitted he may have some sort of medicaid ( Hospital ). He has been borrowing money and sponging off friends for years . Now most of his friends have married and some have families. The wives definitely have had it and now he is what he calls "couch surfing"! He was kicked out after a week at one house and is on the verge of being kicked out of where he is staying now. I apologize for the lengthy rant but my husband doesn't want to talk about it and our daughter has basically disowned him. I am so very sad for him but also so angry that my sweet, intelligent, funny son cannot function in this world. We have offered for him to come live with us to get a fresh start . We stated what we expected if that was to occur, naturally he refused. Truth be told, we don't want him here because it is highly likely he couldn't get his act together here either! Both of you , Payla and Nomad have given excellent advice and I will try to find a CODA group to attend! I need to be able to sleep at night! I know we are doing the right thing by not sending money or paying for his needs. We truly do not have the extra money ( thank goodness or we would have caved in on many occasions) to give him. Any other suggestions or just encouragement would be appreciated!