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re: two minutes in school - help..long sry
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 43528" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I do think the best thing is to leave it ALL with husband for an agreed period of time. I know you feel husband isn't laying down rules, following through, but it's maybe the only way he will "get it". make sure the school knows to contact husband and not to bother you.</p><p></p><p>Getting copies of homework sent to you (or husband) - brilliant. I hope the school follows through, though - I tried that with difficult child 1. Not only would they not post it home, they only grudgingly left homework in a folder at the school office (for his aide) and permitted me to photocopy stuff from the folder. They had a five step walk to the folder; I had an hour's drive. And often all that was there was a sheet of paper with, "Do exercise 5.4.7 in Chapter 9 by next lesson." No indication of which book or even which subject. No date. Nothing. And they expect kids to be organised?</p><p>Then they stopped putting things in the folder.</p><p></p><p>So good luck.</p><p></p><p>You need to detach and get husband on side. He needs to learn. Walk away. Do not involve yourself. Become a Stepford Wife if necessary, but don't bite or react. Simply refer all problems to husband. Trust me, husband will either be brilliant and fix all problems, or he will be begging you to help and recognise that you have it tough. But you WILL need to keep your oar out entirely, while husband is in charge.</p><p></p><p>From things you've written now and in the past, I do think the school is dumping on you far too often. They sound like helpless children, "Oh dear, he cheeked a teacher, send him to the office and call his mother!"</p><p>What the...? Surely they're used to him by now? Sending him to the office for answering back or refusing is rewarding him. What I think SHOULD happen - if he ever makes it as far as the office, it should be for a short talk of the sort that used to put fear into al of us, and then get SENT BACK to do a proper day's work in class. Failure to do the work - the work gets sent home.</p><p></p><p>So - follow through on what you've started. Opt out. Move out if you have to, until your agreed time is up. Make it for a week. two weeks. A month. And move out if you have to, to stop getting involved again. Book yourself into a home for the bewildered; visit your family; visit a friend; go on a religious retreat. But leave THEM to handle things while you recharge your batteries. Moving out like this is NOT leaving home, it's giving yourself some breathing space. My husband is a lovely man and we're very close, but there have been times when he's gone away for a few days, to recharge his batteries and have some peace. On another occasion he moved in with his mother to look after her, for several weeks. I didn't view his absence as a personal rejection, just an acceptance that he needed to be somewhere else.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. Look after yourself. And I do like your way of handling the homework. I hope it works for you.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 43528, member: 1991"] I do think the best thing is to leave it ALL with husband for an agreed period of time. I know you feel husband isn't laying down rules, following through, but it's maybe the only way he will "get it". make sure the school knows to contact husband and not to bother you. Getting copies of homework sent to you (or husband) - brilliant. I hope the school follows through, though - I tried that with difficult child 1. Not only would they not post it home, they only grudgingly left homework in a folder at the school office (for his aide) and permitted me to photocopy stuff from the folder. They had a five step walk to the folder; I had an hour's drive. And often all that was there was a sheet of paper with, "Do exercise 5.4.7 in Chapter 9 by next lesson." No indication of which book or even which subject. No date. Nothing. And they expect kids to be organised? Then they stopped putting things in the folder. So good luck. You need to detach and get husband on side. He needs to learn. Walk away. Do not involve yourself. Become a Stepford Wife if necessary, but don't bite or react. Simply refer all problems to husband. Trust me, husband will either be brilliant and fix all problems, or he will be begging you to help and recognise that you have it tough. But you WILL need to keep your oar out entirely, while husband is in charge. From things you've written now and in the past, I do think the school is dumping on you far too often. They sound like helpless children, "Oh dear, he cheeked a teacher, send him to the office and call his mother!" What the...? Surely they're used to him by now? Sending him to the office for answering back or refusing is rewarding him. What I think SHOULD happen - if he ever makes it as far as the office, it should be for a short talk of the sort that used to put fear into al of us, and then get SENT BACK to do a proper day's work in class. Failure to do the work - the work gets sent home. So - follow through on what you've started. Opt out. Move out if you have to, until your agreed time is up. Make it for a week. two weeks. A month. And move out if you have to, to stop getting involved again. Book yourself into a home for the bewildered; visit your family; visit a friend; go on a religious retreat. But leave THEM to handle things while you recharge your batteries. Moving out like this is NOT leaving home, it's giving yourself some breathing space. My husband is a lovely man and we're very close, but there have been times when he's gone away for a few days, to recharge his batteries and have some peace. On another occasion he moved in with his mother to look after her, for several weeks. I didn't view his absence as a personal rejection, just an acceptance that he needed to be somewhere else. Good luck. Look after yourself. And I do like your way of handling the homework. I hope it works for you. Marg [/QUOTE]
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