Reality of Mother's Day....

[mstang67chic]

Feelings of sadness....ok. Guilt? Absolutely no reason to. Linda, you and husband have given those kids a life that they would have never known otherwise and even more important, you gave them at least a glimmer of a chance. Whether they appreciate it, or even realize it, you have shown them love and what a REAL family is supposed to be like. You and I both understand that some of what our difficult child's do/act/how they think, is beyond their fault. Some of it also can be at least worked on if they CHOOSE to and they are the ones choosing not to. Realizing this and realizing the reality of their future and the future of your family unit is not something to be guilty about. Sad? Of course....it's no where near what I'm sure you and husband had hoped for, even after you better realized what you were dealing with. We all want our kids to grow up and at least be able to honestly support themselves. Those of us with adopted kids may wind up altering our expectations over the years but we still hope for a decent outcome. If that doesn't happen, it's cause for a multitude of emotions. Guilt however, especially in your case, should NOT be one of those. You and husband have done everything possible for the Tweedles. Everything. And you both have sacrificed a great deal for them. If there is any blame to be handed out.....it should be towards those who hurt our children, those who failed them and those who made them the damaged, frightened, hurt little balls of humanity they were when we found them.

You are by no means doing anything to be ashamed of or feel guilty for. You are simply stating what you will and won't put up with. Much different levels of detachment but it's no different than me not answering the phone when I know it's difficult child calling from prison and all he will do is demand money and give me attitude. I refulse to put up with it period. I'm not writing him off but at the same time, he's not going act however he pleases and get away with it.

Grieve over what was and what will never be. Rail at the world for the damage done. But don't EVER feel guilty for being honest and realistic.

Hugs. Many, many hugs.

 

[DammitJanet]

I honor you today Linda. I think you have a very valid and realistic view of how the next phase of your life should be. The tweedles did come to you damaged and you did all you could do. They are incredibly lucky.

Someone asked about what grade we would give ourselves as parents. When I was going through my parenting years, I thought I was an awful parent. I thought my kids were going to leave my house the second they turned 18 and never look back. I was completely sure that I would never hear from them again because I had been such an awful parent that they would hate me and never want to even spend one second of their adult lives with me. LOL. Well if anyone knows even a smidgen of my story, you know I have practically had to use dynamite to get anyone to leave my house. And then when they do leave, they come back! Or they call me constantly...lol.

I must not have been as bad a parent as I thought I was. I disliked parenting in the teen years immensely but the adult years arent so bad.

 

[Star*]

I'm glad to hear you are painting again. Moving forward is a great way to heal your past.