Reality will hit her hard

[JJJ]

Oh this makes my heart sad. I have a childhood friend who had learning disabilities. I became her mentor in high school and this inspired me to later become a special education teacher. She now has developed schitzophrenia and is in an assisted living home. After high school, those private training colleges kept accepting her and taking her grant money despite her lower IQ (it had begun lowering in her 20's) and failure. She'd fail one, get tutoring, become depressed, not follow through, drop out. Go to another and start the cycle again. Her family finially had to take control of things as she was expected to pay back the grant money when she did not finish a program.
My daughter, just last night, told me she wanted to join club volleyball again (very expensive by the way). She has been in residential treatment for the past 2 years (mostly), and her skills are not at the 16 year old level and these girls are competitive and athletic. She played when younger and did ok, but her weight was an issue to many coaches. When I expressed my concern, she said, " I can still play if I can't jump serve." It would be a humiliation for her, she doesn't see it. I plan to take her to watch these girls play to see if reality sinks.
Its such a hard line between not wanting to discourage them and reality. It sounds like Kanga is beginning to understand. Hugs!

It is hard for them to realize that their need for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) "stole" their chance at athletic achievement. Kanga still thinks she is going to play in the NHL. That is a huge part of her push for college -- she thinks she can just join a Division 1 team even though she hasn't played in years.

 

[susiestar]

It sounds like a very good conversation. I am glad that she can still listen to you and talk things over - and that all the violence and other things taht have gone on have not damaged you to the point that you cannot do this. Accepting what is reality will not be easy for her, and being in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) during this is very good because she will be watched closely by people who the docs will pay attention to.

I hope she will find a new path and work hard to achieve a different goal. It won't be easy but I think many of us have had to change our dreams a few times. Is there something she is very passionate about other than her sport? That might be a good place to start. It is SO much easier to learn something you are passionate about, and so much easier to really accomplish something if you have that passion. For me, there were many subjects taht were incredibly tough unless I had real world examples that seemed like something I would encounter in my life that the knowledge would help me with. Calculus iwth examples like how fast and far a rocket travelled meant nothing, but when used to maximize hotel profit was actually easy. So while she won't be learnign calculus, if she is passionate then it might make it possible for her to achieve more than anyoen thinks is truly possible.

I like that you let her know that this is NOT her fault. So often our society blames the person for not being able to do something. It is a message we all get on different levels but we still all get. You gave her concrete reasons for why it was NOT her fault and NOT something she did and NOT something anyone could be angry at her for - being born that way or her parents causing it by abusing her. in my opinion that will go a long way to her being able to not hate herself over this.

You are a really great mom with impossibly difficult challenges and you have done and are doing an awesome and inspiring job of meeting and overcoming those challenges. I hope you are as proud of yourself as we are of you.