I'm not sure why I feel this way, think it's a combination of many things. difficult child-A came home Sunday Morning (2:55am to be exact). I know the exact time because he comes through the garage door (won't give him any more keys to lose). My bedroom is right above the garage. Add to that, my alarm system (3 fuzzbutts) went off. Since I'm alone in the house, they are extra protective (I'm the last source for doggie treats ). difficult child-A came in, said he was sorry for waking me. He brought two friends with him.... no one was drunk or smelled like pot so this is a good thing. When I woke up at 6am his friends were sleeping on my upstairs couches (this is my domain). We have two other bedrooms and a family room downstairs but my upstairs couches were where they were at. I kept quiet so I didn't wake his friends. When a friend asked me to join them for breakfast at the casino, I went. I was bored of being quiet. When I got home, difficult child-A and friends were gone. Don't know when he'll be back. I keep working on the detaching and not rescuing. Not easy when he tells me that he has no contacts at all. Mr 20/40-20/80 doesn't have glasses either. Told him if he gives me the money I'd order them for him. I won't get them for him. The guy has had over a $1,000 since Christmas. Hasn't paid his fines, hasn't gotten his bank account caught up, I'm not helping with contacts. He has to live with his choices. I do feel bad for him and my heart breaks, but I don't feel sorry for him. But I do want to cry. Since I got home yesterday and found him gone, I've been extra down. It doesn't help things that I'm on my fifth week of being totally alone in the house (except for the fuzzbutts). Or that husband has been gone for 14 weeks so far (minus the few days home for Christmas) and his come home date of 4 weeks from now has been changed to 12+ weeks more. Yesterday was our 13th year anniversary. We did have a good time even if it was just talking on the phone. But issues from husband's past are coming to surface. His Mom cheated on his Dad when he was out of town and then gave him divorce papers on Valentine's Day of their 13th year. husband is worried that I might get tired of him being gone and leave him. My job stinks. Moral has hit the bottom, grabbed a shovel and is digging deeper. I'm just not in a happy place right now. I had to cancel my psychiatrist appointment on the 1st to go to court with difficult child-A and can't get in until the end of next week. Been trying all the self-care exercised and things, it's just not helping. Thanks for listening.