I am overwhelmed. Lawyer said the bank is still telling her there was no policy. They have one for incase of illness or injury, not death. I need to bring in bank statements for husband's two accts. That would be fine, except easy child threw them out stating they'd give us new ones. Or if she didn't I certainly can't find them. The ones I saved were freaking ads for d@mn credit cards. I can't call the lawyer because my cell is at easy child's house. I've spent the morning searching for the d@mn bank statements...........I have to watch the boys in 20 mins. Nichole has scheduled a family dinner tomorrow and is coming down early to visit. I don't want company. I don't want to watch the boys. I don't want to deal with the d@mn banks. I don't want to deal with the d@mn lawyer. I'm fed up with this mad scurry to clean up the horrid paperwork mess husband left behind, with very little info, and being unable to find most of it.......... I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to see people. I want to be left alone. TOTALLY alone. I want some time to just sit and lick my wounds in peace. They can have the d@mn house. I'll put the pets down and walk away. I can't afford it anyway. Oh no, wait, can't put the pets down, I can't afford it. I'm sick of constantly fighting my memory because the stress won't let up long enough for me to think. WTF does the lawyer need the acct balance for anyway? They have his SS number for godsake, the bank knows what the 2 accts are. The kicker to this is when easy child or sister in law withdrew money they didn't get receipts so that I would have that to show a balance. No they didn't take a dime. But that could've been used to show the d@mn balance! And yes I'm freaking and I know I'm freaking. I've had 2 months of none stop h*ll and I've not had any chance for a breather. I'll go watch the boys cuz I have no choice. Seems I have no choice over anything anymore...........it's just you have to call this person no that person, now you should be able to poof come up with this paper or that paper or this thing or that thing..........you have to pay this bill or that bill or this costs this or that costs that.......... I feel like the d@mn ball in a pinball machine. ARGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! What do I want to do? Get into my car and start driving and not look back........ever. I'm done. I don't want anything anymore. They can have it all. I'm tired of fighting and working my *** off for nothing. I'm tired of always being the one to hold it together, of having to pick up the pieces, of having to go on with a brave face and a d@mn smile. I'm tired of being brave, I'm tired of always pushing forward, I'm tired. TIRED.