really irritated at step mom

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, May 27, 2011.

  1. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I guess I shouldnt be but I am. I should have expected it.

    I called the cemetery today to get the plot number for my Dad's grave and the information about flowers and such for the upcoming Father's day. I want to send something to be placed on the grave. They gave me the information and said they would send me the rules and such. Great! I decided to call my stepmom to tell her that I would be sending something so we didnt overlap the flowers ya know? Seemed like a good idea to me.

    Well, I also asked her if she wanted me to continue sending her pictures of the kids since Jamie just graduated the academy and Keyana is doing this recital and pageant and its going to be her 5th birthday and we dont know when we are going to get anymore pics soon etc...and the woman told me point blank...NO....dont bother.

    Huh? She has known me since I was 9 years old first as my mother's best friend and then as my fathers wife and she doesnt want to keep at least somewhat in touch with what in essence are her GREAT GRANDCHILDREN???????? These kids were born when they were married for cripes sake! You can bet your sweet behind that if she had died and my dad was alive, he would not behave this way with her kids. I simply am stunned that she said it to my face.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, Janet... Some people... I don't know what else to say except what a nasty thing to say! Geez. Maybe she could have said, just email them... So you don't waste paper. UGH!!!
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Geeze Janet that is so mean.

    I am kind of at a loss for words ...
  4. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    I don't blame you a bit, Janet! I wouldn't know whether to be mad or hurt or both! That was a mean, hurtful thing for her to say. She could have at least been polite about it!
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am more hurt than anything. I need to go up and go about getting everything else left of mine out of that house so I dont have to have anything more to do with her I guess. If there is anything left.
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Oh you so don't play this game well my dear......(and you have to do this on a burner phone ) you know go to dollar general and get a Trac phone with like 30 minutes. Then you need to call her back just two more times. ONE to give her your NEW number....and the second time? Maybe JUST before Christmas.... To tell her about the SURPRISE SURPRISE SURPRISE attorney letter that came by courier and you don't know why your Dad would have done it this way AFTER he has been gone without her knowing - Did she get HER letter???

    and say "Gladys? Hey it's Janet. Yeah look, I know you said you didn't want pictures of the kids, and Grands and all, and I see you didn't send any flowers to Dad's grave which is fine - fine, but I was going to ask you (then you take a piece of cellophane paper and start crumbling it) then say Gladys? Gladys can you hear me? (then stop crumbling so much.....did you get a letter from Dads other attorney too? (wait for it. Wait for it) start crumbling the cellophane again, kinda on and off. Then says "Well I just wondered if you did too because this was kinda unexpected but this guy says Dad had another life insurance policy for me and the kids and we're get(crumble the cellophane and say HELLO? HELLO? GLADYS) and I was (ondering ow uch you) crumble, crumble, cause thats a LOT of (crumble) uney (CRUMBLE........................for like 15 seconds...................) and then there was a note in there about (crumble ......................) your (crumble) .................................part. Then really crumble........................then GLADYS? can you hear me? I can BARELY HEAR YOU......HELLO? HELLO? Hey get a piece of paper and a pencil and I'll give you this guys name and number so you can (CRUMBLE..................................20 seconds)))))))) et (crumber) You..................(crumble) por(crumble) UNEY too. CLICK.

    Then don't answer the phone....EVER.......EVER again. And when she asks for pictures of the grands? Send her the wallet inserts of foreign children or cut out pictures in The GLOBE or somethign like that of Brad and Angies kids.

    Seriously? I'd just let her go on for life thinking you hit a crab-pot of money that daddy never told her about - and you and the kids she wants nothing to do about - are g#%tein a BOATLOAD of MUNEY.....

    That should set her hair on fire. And I aint saying which patch.
  7. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    She even give a reason for it? Ran out of room to put them? Contemplating shuffling off the mortal coil? Moving into a nursing home and can only take a minimum of stuff?
    Any reason at all?
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Wow. What the h*ll is with people?

    Could you have possibly hit her on a really bad day of grief? Maybe she though pics of the family would bring all the emotion rushing back onto her? Ok, so I'm trying to give the woman the benefit of the doubt, here.

    Maybe she's gone off the deep end?

    H*ll, I don't even know what to say to something like that.
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Janet, this woman lost her husband. Know that I wholeheartedly agree this was a mean/rude attitude toward you & yours. Having lost my husband I know the need to shut out the rest of the world ~ I'm curiously unemotional & some of the things that I blurt out just isn't me.

    I didn't want to deal with the world outside when my inside was hurting so.

    It was mean & rude however I want you to consider (possibly?) her pain, her loss. All of a sudden she doesn't know where she fits in the world.
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I don't even know what to say, Janet.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the pain that caused you, Janet. Hugs. DDD
  12. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Seriously, get your stuff out of there, I'm sorry she acted like that toward you. I guess I'm mean, I wouldn't give someone the benefit of the doubt after they said that.
  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Janet, although I know she caused you pain, I really agree with Timer on this one. She's been eating, sleeping and breathing illness and death for a long time...she's probably just coming out of the "just call me if you need anything" phase and is lost. Please don't make any rash decisions - you're both trying to heal and it's a terrible time for both of you. As you said, she's been in your life since childhood - don't write it all off because of one statement.

    Warm gentle hugs to you honey!

  14. keista

    keista New Member

    I'm in the benefit of the doubt camp. It might sound like a lame excuse, but ppl get stooooopid when death is involved, and it almost always comes across as insensitivity. Not to mention, when we are grieving our own personal filters and thought process are thrown askew (lets think depression), so XYZ can come across as ZXY or something else entirely. Not to pour salt in any wounds, but If we spoke to her right now, she might be complaining that you said something rude, or out of line or what ever, but you KNOW 100% that you were gentle and kind - her filter is off. Sometimes the pain of a loss gets so great that it's easier to "replace" it with anger towards someone 'available'

    I wouldn't cut off completely, but get some distance for sure, and then revisit it. Who knows, she may come to you with an olive branch before you are ready.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thing is within two weeks she had sent every single other picture of any of us, even my baby pictures, except for two pictures - one of Tony and I at a Xmas function and one of Keyana and Hailie on their 2 and 1st birthdays respectively, to Jamies house with him. I mean every single picture including all the frames they had purchased.Just tossed in a grocery sack and handed them to him and said taken them. They were removed from her wall almost as soon as his body was cold.

    I thought maybe she might have felt a bit bad about that or even just wanted to keep in touch with me somewhat because she has no girls in her family outside one daughter and no granddaughters and there wont be any. I seriously doubt she lives to see greats unless her oldest grand starts soon which will really irritate all concerned, lol. He may but he will be the only one, the rest are very young.

    I had wanted to keep in touch with her but I guess that is out.
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Well, if I was in the camp that said -

    She's a grieving sad, lonely widow who has dealt with loss, and grief and is sad, and has always been the most wonderful Mother (and the rest of the board doesn't know the inside track like I do). I could believe this maybe. I'm more inclined to believe she has felt all along that you were the OTHER family that was forced on her for year and she had made up her mind once and for all once he (your dad passed) So would all of you. JUST my humble opinion. Timer I'm not saying that you can't be right - you could be, but it's just a feeling that this woman isn't the love that you are - I think she felt stuck and now she's just glad the everything is over. I think her life was a bitter dissapointment and she is probably depressed but not for reasons that we would think she is. I think she's sad that she has regret of wasting her life. Sad to say.

    If you're in the other camp and I'm not even sure what that is? I of course, would never do what I said - because if she is old and bitter? To know Janet is to know there is a huge heart and a love so large that if you just reached out a hand? You'll get an entire hug for life. Not a bad exchange as far as I'm concerned. I am pretty sure you could never love someone back as much as she loves you. So it is my opinion that all of this is this womans loss. But if there is any way to win her over or any want of doing so? It would be on Janets doing. And not by my petty vindictive cellphone tirade. But mark my word, if she needed a cellphone and couldn't get one? And this was the solution? I'd send it to her.
  17. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Maybe I am just a reminder more of my mom than of my dad...I dont know. That is the situation though when she married her ex-best friends ex husband isnt it? I never held that against her. I never chose sides. Never. Even in the eulogy I thanked her for coming into my dad's life and loving him and making him happy. Except for me being born, I think he was happier his last 27 years of his life than the first however many years. I am pretty sure he was thrilled to have

    But I really liked Pat when she was my mom's friend. I like...or so called step siblings. I knew them growing up! You cannot imagine how proud I have always been of her daughter Teri. When she was in nursing school, I used to deliver pizza to her when I worked for Domino's. I dated her middle son...yeah...that was a bit But that was only for like a week.

    Sigh...just sad.

    Oh...even more weird...Teri's husband new me and went to school with me! LOL.
  18. keista

    keista New Member

    I was thinking about you and your situation last night, and thought that maybe she didn't suddenly turn into a witch with a B, maybe she was all along and didn't show it. What she deserves is an 'Oscar' for all those years of 'pretending' and so what if it wasn't real, it still made it 'good' Her current actions do not negate the past.

    It is sad. It is another loss for you, and one more relationship to grieve. So grieve, and move on. I have a feeling you will do just fine regardless of where this relationship ends up.
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Yeah are right. About a day or two after my dad died...he died late on a Thursday night, almost midnight, and I met up with her on that Friday for all the funeral preparations. Well then we came back in on the Sunday to get together to go over the plans for the wake and the funeral again. On that Sunday she pointed out that I was now an orphan. That was the word she used.
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911

    See? Star knows things.......(rumbles cellophane) not just a meany. :consoling: