REALLY need some support right now

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    :grrr:Many of you know about the incident last October that ended difficult child 1 in the psychiatric hospital. Well.......I got a summons in the mail TODAY that the local cops are pressing charges against difficult child 1 for XXX against ME. The cop was an a** (don't get me started on him again) and the "Incident Report" he submitted to substantiate the charges is soooooo biased and leaves much out.

    I have to take difficult child 1 down to be fingerprinted and "officially" charged before court. His initial appearance is on XXX. I am not in good shape right now with all this and am trying sooooo hard not to let any of it show to either of my kids but it is sooooo hard to do.

    :panicsmiley::not_fair::crying:I could use whatever anyone can offer right now. I'm a mess!!
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  2. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    I can offer you hugs, TeDo. This society is reaching new heights of absurdity. I'm so sorry.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    You need to call the prosecuting attny and difficult child's def attny if you want the charges lowered, or dropped. Since you were the victim, the pros attny will most likely be willing to do that- call them first so they don't get the first request from the def attny. You do have a def attnyy already, right? Make sure you talk to one prior to taking your son in for fingerprinting, - normally fingerprinting wouldn't be done prior to court and conviction because the presumption is innocence.

    When difficult child robbed be at knifepoint, they initially charged him with attempted malicious wounding- a big felony. They lowered that to assualt after I took the above steps on the basis that difficult child didn't actually even try to hurt me- he was doing it to bully me into giving him a pack of cigs. And the police reported that they saw no injuries. They lowered that to assault.

  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Understanding hugs coming your way. Sorry, I don't remember difficult child's age but I had a similar experience with difficult child#2 when he was in sixth grade. A Dean at the middle school insisted that criminal charges be filed for a choice he made that was a manifestation of his disabilities. Even Department of Juvenile Justice (at the required interview) intake person literally shut the file after talking with the two of us for less than ten minutes. But.."the system" followed thru and he was placed on probation for six months or a year. I can't remember because I was chapped off that it took only one untrained/unsympathetic person to result in the charges.

    I did not hire an attorney because the plea agreement included no record unless he did something during that time period. In your case I suggest being cautious. Sorry, I just don't trust "the system". I'm sure you have all the MH records at hand like I did but I still suggest caution and considering legal representation. There are so many side issues that they can pursue that the balance of power is weighed heavily against the child.

    I'm sure your stomach is sick and your head hurts from shaking it side to side as you mutter WTH! You can survive it, my friend, but make sure you are not naive about law enforcement. They can go over the top before you recognize their direction. More sincere caring hugs coming your way. DDD
  5. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    How old is your difficult child 1?
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    With this being a charge XXX, I'd run, not walk, to a def attny and call that prosecuting attny asap. Should he ever get in trouble in the future as a juvenile, they go back and look at all these things. So even if he made it thru 6 mos of probation, but then reoffended at 16yo ((I don't know his current age either), they would look at this and taake it into consideration at the next trial- well, they look at whatever charge he's been convicted of in the past. Violent offenders automatically get wosrse of everything than the others, at least as juveniles in this state. A simple assault as a juvenile didn't get my son classified as a violent offender. I feel certain that if you advocate for it, the pros attny would agree to either drop or lower charges.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  7. Ktllc

    Ktllc New Member

    Get an attorney, now. No matter what, better be safe than sorry. It NEVER hurts to have an attorney, no matter what the legal question is. That is the daughter of an attorney talking to you.
  8. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    difficult child 1 is 13. He had just turned 13. I have already talked to the defense attorney (THAT was my first call). He said to show up at the initial hearing and plead not guilty. After that hearing, we all sit down with the prosecutor and talk about the case. I am getting copies of the records I don't have yet as well as a letter from his psychiatrist explaining that the behavior was CAUSED by the medication.

    XXX I will follow the defense attorney's advice. This is a small enough town that I know this one is a good one.

    Yes, I am shaking and crying and just plain stressed right now. I am not dealing with this well at ALL.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmmm. I don't know how you got into a system where XXX. I prosecuted a caregiver last year and by the time I had even walked up to the front of the courtroom, the prosecutor had dropped the felony to a misdemeanor and accepted restitution. I had to wait 2 hrs for him to finish up his cases, and then I cornered him in the hallway and said, "Whose side are you ON? You took the side of the criminal, not the victim!"
    Want to move to VA?
    Anyway, I agree that you should not trust the system to get it right. Get as much paperwork as you can in reg to difficult child's hospitalization, diagnosis and disability, with-as many copies as you can (expect them to be lost at least twice) and insist that the charges be lowered XXX.
    Best of luck!
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    P.S. I wonder what took so long for that cop's paperwork to come through?
  11. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    According to the social worker, the paperwork XXX. UGH

    Terry, it already is a XXX charge. We are working to have them XXX.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    You might want to google your state law on this one- I don't know of any place that would consider that charge a XXX. I wonder if the cop made a mistake on the paper by marking it as such.

    With a MH hx, psychiatric hospital stay, and at his age, and you being the victim, I'd shoot for dropping the charge.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  13. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That's what I will be fighting for. This is all total BS!!!
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The Prosecution will not talk to a family member of the accused where we live. Not! So you either have to hire a Def. Attorney or trust the Public Defender will have time to pay attention. I'm sorry you are having to learn about "the system". There's really a valid analogy between law enforcement and Perfect Parents...they usually have absolutely no idea (nor do they care to learn, sigh) about MH issues or any aspect of difficult child life. I'm glad you are able to hire a personal attorney to protect your difficult child. He is not a person to "the system" he is a case #. Take whatever chance you have to relax, no matter how hard it is to do. They may say you are the victim but in fact your child easily can become the victim. Only calm, rested parents can prepare for the face off. Hugs DDD
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    You've gotten great advice, so I am adding in hugs... and LOTS of them.

    The system never seems to work the way it should... Know what I mean??!
  16. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Klmno, I re-read the summons and it says "XXX" not "XXX". Sorry...I guess I didn't even realize there was a difference or, if I did, it just didn't register. Sorry for the confusion.

    DDD, I can't afford to hire a private attorney but I called my mom's lawyer for advice and it turns out he's the juvenile public defender. Sometimes, small towns CAN be good. (I also KNOW all the XXX's here...personally and socially)....XXX. It's only the XXX and XXX that are RECENT transplants. THEY are the ones I worry about.

    I have been on the phone for awhile now getting my ducks lined up. I feel great when I talk to them but then the fear and doubts come back when I hang up. This is going to be one LLLLOOOONNNNNGGGGG roller coaster until the 1st.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I think you are handling this exactly right.

    CPA and Department of Juvenile Justice both scare the pudding out of me. I would be totally freaking out as well.

    (((HUGS))) (((HUGS))) (((HUGS)))
  18. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Sending big (((hugs))). Does difficult child know about this yet? How about his psychiatrist?
  19. keista

    keista New Member


    I really can not believe they are going to prosecute. I was having a hard time remembering what happened, so I went back and read your threads from October. Guess what? you did not share the details of the incident with us. HOWEVER what you did share was the caring sentiments of a concerned mother - NOT anything indicating that you are a victim.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 15, 2012
  20. buddy

    buddy New Member

    OH darling... how is it our paths follow each other like this? I am soooo sorry I couldn't talk when I was in the middle of transitioning Q from his "assault" to therapy... UGGGGG these people are idiots!

    You have your new neuropsychologist! This kid has had ZERO incidents since then and he was not even kept in the hospital long because the dr. said he was not a danger. UMMM we can talk to each other all night, since I doubt either of us is going to sleep much....

    I will call you after I get the attorney called back.