I am really struggling with my emotions today. Just when I think I am in a good place or at least an ok place I seem to fall apart. I am so sad right now. I miss my son so much. I miss the close relationship that we used to have. I haven't seen him in almost 3 months - except for a brief moment when I purposely stopped in at his work because I knew he'd be there (well, that is if he hadn't been fired) and he was. I miss his smile, his sense of humour. I don't even know who he is anymore. The sparse few conversations I've had with him recently have been anger on his end and me trying to just be friendly. He doesn't answer my calls or texts, isn't even speaking to his gma right now which is strange. He says he's going out to British Columbia this summer. I worry that he actually will and not come back. There is a girl out there that he met online (let's hope she's a girl and not some creepy guy) that he wants to go see - at least that's what he told my mother last time he spoke to her a few weeks back. He is always angry at me for something. Even if I haven't done anything. I have been reading some posts here very recently that have really struck home with me and I can't even respond. Sometimes I feel like I am ok, strong, and have put this into perspective. Right now i just feel broken and cheated. I feel like I got ripped off. Like I worked really hard to make the boss happy and do my job well and the boss came along and gave the promotion/bonus to someone else. It just sucks. And I can't change it - at least I don't know how to. And so I have to find a way to accept it. Sometimes I can. Today is not one of those days. I have to pull myself together and be ok because daughter is home today with a migraine and she doesn't need to see me being a mess. It just brings it all up for her too. So, thank you for being there for me. I'm sure you all understand how much this place means to me right now.