Mixed up day....kind of off in the morning, well turned out he took medications late (I usually watch but he seemed so cooperative and I had to run to the little girls room) then was awesome at his big 1.5 hrs of school, then AWFUL...total meltdown at home, he tripped (and same symptoms as always, that panic hits him and he loses all control) ON THE WAY down he is yelling "say are you ok? YOU NEVER SAY ARE YOU OK TO ME..." UM yes I do but when I do you still get mad, it is just that he can't handle being scared/upset. And it went into a full rage, no hitting but screams and stomping and pounding the walls so again I went to the car and he followed...but woudl not get in...stood on the stairs BAWLING. So then the panic in ME starts.. this is how bad medication reactions start. This kid just does not actually CRY, sobbing kind of crying.so, I started to worry about the medication...this happened on the Seroquel...just lost it totally, rage, crying, so depressed, not himself even beyond the explosive times. I finally got him in, he continued to rage for a while but finally got it all out and we went to a lake had a wonderful time and I asked him to think of a goal for today. OF course it was something he wanted me to buy but I said ok because this was totally weird and I am scared the medication is not working again.... need to see how much control he has and if it is just that he has this cold and routine/school woes are back. So, he asks for a Selina Gomez CD. He asked me to stay quiet for a while so he could work on being calm. (I'm ok with that) Then after a long walk at the lake, we went to the nature center and colored together and made small talk, etc.... he did great at Occupational Therapist (OT) and great in counseling, she said the best ever. We went and got the cd. He has had blurt moments still of not really great words but not terrible. I have had to work to keep him busy though all the way till 8:30 pm. Just could not risk him going off again, mostly for my sake. THEN just now, he is listening to the CD and there is a song called "MY DILEMMA" or something. He just called up and I think I get what he is trying to say but he has such a hard time. He said the song makes him think about the problems and frustrations he has with me today and maybe he can just tell God that he is going to use this song and play it whenever he is mad at me for a sorry, "do you think that is a good idea mom?" I said sure, but also said, NOW we are getting somewhere. I said Q THIS is what yoru counselor and I are saying. You need to tell me which problems (dilemmas) you are feeling frustrated about. Can you write them down for me? HE said YES.... we will see if he does (usually it is just a string of swear words about me).... I told him that was a great way to problem solve (even though I have no clue what things he is specifically talking about... I am SURE it is that he does not get all he wants every second and still doesn't put together that his OWN behavior has resulted in the limits, but that is Q..... I'm exhausted. Hoping the medication is working but it was just a bad time. He did punch me in the stomach yesterday during a transition I messed up...I went in fifteen minutes early so he thought he had to leave and miss his "reward" even when we todl him NO he was stuck in that black and white mode..... it was not a real punch...just went for me. Today he flicked me with a finger and grabbed my arm, oh yeah, he did throw an empty cereal box at me....during that morning rage. So, it is not great but still way better than the actual bruise making kicks and hits. PLEASE LORD, let this medication work .... dont cause a dam of emotions to burst..... it is just not fair to him.