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Really worried about Mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 679545" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>You've gotten a lot of good advice here. The one thing that hasn't come up, although you've probably thought about it, is how this impacts YOUR future financial security. We have a somewhat similar situation (from a financial point of view) in our family. My SO's (much younger) sister has graduated from college and not really looked for or found work. She is morbidly obese and socially awkward. She had a work study job, so while in college she was able to pay rent, and she paid for August. My SO paid for September because he wanted her to feel stable in her housing while she looked for work. She may have looked for work, but mostly she had magical thinking about how the job she had, which was only for students, would magically become available for her. Since then her mom has been paying rent and, once they came due, her student loans. Her mom barely makes enough to cover her own, frugal expenses, and has MAYBE $8000 put away for retirement, which is what she is using to pay for little sis's expenses. She is going to run out of money very soon. She insists that she (mom) is a grown up and these are her choices, but it seems clear that she assumes that my SO and his other sister will support her when she has zero (she already tried going 1/2 time because she feels too old and tired to work full time in her day care job). </p><p></p><p>There is a lot of passive aggressive behavior going on...she WILL end up broke. She WONT own the problem...it will just come to a crisis and my SO and his sister will be left with the bag because, like so many others, they won't be able to let her just be homeless. They see it coming like a train wreck and so do I. </p><p></p><p>I guess I tell this story only so you can think about how you and your partner will react when your mom has spent all her money on your brother and can't afford her own housing. I don't have an answer, but maybe thinking about it and setting some boundaries, whatever those are, will be helpful to you.</p><p></p><p>For me...I know I won't let her live in my house...not the little sister and not the mom (it is my house). What SO and his sister choose to do will be up to them. It is part of the reason I won't marry him...a lot of financial magical thinking in that part of the family. Not that I am perfect...but I plan for the future.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to bring up an unsolveable problem. I feel for you and your frustration and sorrow for your mom. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 679545, member: 17269"] You've gotten a lot of good advice here. The one thing that hasn't come up, although you've probably thought about it, is how this impacts YOUR future financial security. We have a somewhat similar situation (from a financial point of view) in our family. My SO's (much younger) sister has graduated from college and not really looked for or found work. She is morbidly obese and socially awkward. She had a work study job, so while in college she was able to pay rent, and she paid for August. My SO paid for September because he wanted her to feel stable in her housing while she looked for work. She may have looked for work, but mostly she had magical thinking about how the job she had, which was only for students, would magically become available for her. Since then her mom has been paying rent and, once they came due, her student loans. Her mom barely makes enough to cover her own, frugal expenses, and has MAYBE $8000 put away for retirement, which is what she is using to pay for little sis's expenses. She is going to run out of money very soon. She insists that she (mom) is a grown up and these are her choices, but it seems clear that she assumes that my SO and his other sister will support her when she has zero (she already tried going 1/2 time because she feels too old and tired to work full time in her day care job). There is a lot of passive aggressive behavior going on...she WILL end up broke. She WONT own the problem...it will just come to a crisis and my SO and his sister will be left with the bag because, like so many others, they won't be able to let her just be homeless. They see it coming like a train wreck and so do I. I guess I tell this story only so you can think about how you and your partner will react when your mom has spent all her money on your brother and can't afford her own housing. I don't have an answer, but maybe thinking about it and setting some boundaries, whatever those are, will be helpful to you. For me...I know I won't let her live in my house...not the little sister and not the mom (it is my house). What SO and his sister choose to do will be up to them. It is part of the reason I won't marry him...a lot of financial magical thinking in that part of the family. Not that I am perfect...but I plan for the future. Sorry to bring up an unsolveable problem. I feel for you and your frustration and sorrow for your mom. Echo [/QUOTE]
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