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Really worried about Mom
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<blockquote data-quote="Lavender" data-source="post: 679725" data-attributes="member: 19933"><p>Hi everyone. Thank you for your supportive messages! </p><p></p><p>Well, we took Mom for lunch on Saturday, as planned. We waited for her to bring up the subject of my brother, so she could go at her own pace. Not surprisingly, she agrees that he has got to go, but she wants to 'help' him onto the next stage of his life. </p><p></p><p>She's had some chats with him recently. She asked why he lives in the past, always referring to incidents that happened 30 or 40 years ago. He said that it was when he was happiest and has good memories of that time. It's funny when someone else has completely different memories of the same events as you experienced with them. I don't remember a 'happy' childhood at all. In fact, it was a period of stress and anxiety for me.</p><p></p><p>Mom told him that he needs to move on and make some happy memories going forward.</p><p></p><p>The council have given her 6 months before her benefits will be affected. This is contrary to what she was told before. So, he has 6 months to turn his life around.</p><p></p><p>Over lunch, we came up with a plan so she can help him to make it happen. I told her that only she has the power to make the change and that she has a good track record of changing situations that she hasn't been happy in. She was surprised that I saw it like that, but it's true. She even moved continents to leave an abusive relationship when I was a child. So I know she's got it in her. I tried to encourage her by reminding her of her previous successes. My partner is just as positive and supportive of her as I am, so Mom had a double dose on Saturday!</p><p></p><p>The plan is that Mom is going to sit down with brother and go through, step by step, the things he needs to do to make the change, starting with, "What do you really want out of your life?". And she is going to let him write the list, with her prompting. The idea being, that if he writes it down, he will take some ownership for making it happen. At least, that's the theory. He will need a lot of hand-holding, she thinks, right down to 'Step One - contact employment agencies in the area'. She thinks he has no idea how to move on. I can't believe that he'd be that stupid, but I'm not going to argue with her.</p><p></p><p>She seemed a lot more positive as we dropped her off, because now she has a strategy.</p><p></p><p>Lx</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lavender, post: 679725, member: 19933"] Hi everyone. Thank you for your supportive messages! Well, we took Mom for lunch on Saturday, as planned. We waited for her to bring up the subject of my brother, so she could go at her own pace. Not surprisingly, she agrees that he has got to go, but she wants to 'help' him onto the next stage of his life. She's had some chats with him recently. She asked why he lives in the past, always referring to incidents that happened 30 or 40 years ago. He said that it was when he was happiest and has good memories of that time. It's funny when someone else has completely different memories of the same events as you experienced with them. I don't remember a 'happy' childhood at all. In fact, it was a period of stress and anxiety for me. Mom told him that he needs to move on and make some happy memories going forward. The council have given her 6 months before her benefits will be affected. This is contrary to what she was told before. So, he has 6 months to turn his life around. Over lunch, we came up with a plan so she can help him to make it happen. I told her that only she has the power to make the change and that she has a good track record of changing situations that she hasn't been happy in. She was surprised that I saw it like that, but it's true. She even moved continents to leave an abusive relationship when I was a child. So I know she's got it in her. I tried to encourage her by reminding her of her previous successes. My partner is just as positive and supportive of her as I am, so Mom had a double dose on Saturday! The plan is that Mom is going to sit down with brother and go through, step by step, the things he needs to do to make the change, starting with, "What do you really want out of your life?". And she is going to let him write the list, with her prompting. The idea being, that if he writes it down, he will take some ownership for making it happen. At least, that's the theory. He will need a lot of hand-holding, she thinks, right down to 'Step One - contact employment agencies in the area'. She thinks he has no idea how to move on. I can't believe that he'd be that stupid, but I'm not going to argue with her. She seemed a lot more positive as we dropped her off, because now she has a strategy. Lx [/QUOTE]
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