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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 622879" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning. </p><p></p><p>My most helpful resource for understanding my daughter was an 18 month program I went through which was for codependency recovery through a large HMO Substance Abuse Center. I had a private therapist and a weekly support group lead by a therapist. The information and support I received there literally changed my life. I learned a lot of tools to shift the dynamic with my daughter, I learned how to detach and I received continual support in doing so. I learned about the dynamics which surround parents and their children who are mentally ill (or dealing with substance abuse, but that was not what I was there for) All the therapists involved, and there were many, have extensive training in just what I was going through and it moved me from a helpless victim of circumstances I had no control over to a person who was empowered with information, support, resources and a whole new path. </p><p></p><p>Being here on this board and recognizing so many similarities in our difficult child's as well as how we parents suffer in so many similar ways helped tremendously. I found a place I felt understood and supported and that made a big difference. </p><p></p><p>I found an offshoot of NAMI and met with Social Workers there and took classes. The Social Workers were offering the same information and support as the therapists and this site.......<em>learn to detach. </em></p><p></p><p>Probably the single most important thing I have done to keep myself healthy is acupuncture. It brings the body to a deep place of rest and relaxation. I've been doing that for over 20 years but during the worst of the process with my daughter, it helped tremendously to keep bringing me back to relaxation. I amped up self care in all areas, more exercise, more meditation, more sleep, I eliminated sugar, coffee, dairy, gluten and started a very healthy, clean diet. I have massages, do many nurturing things for myself and make my stress reduction a priority. Keeping myself in peaceful environments and keeping myself calm and comforted makes a big difference.</p><p></p><p>My SO and I have very good communication, so we talk about everything. He was a major support through the hardest difficult child times. We have dates. We go to the ocean or to the city every single weekend. We take either the whole day or the whole weekend and take off. We hike almost everyday, it is a good time to just check in with each other. We also laugh a lot, laughing is a great release and it's fun! He and I have a similar sense of humor so laughter has always been a big part of our life together. Leaving town each week was a big thing, for me there was something so healing about going far away from home, as we would get further and further away it was as if I left all the problems with my daughter at home........that distance really helped a lot.</p><p></p><p>I have always had a strong spiritual connection in my life. I have developed a strong internal life. I read a lot of books, (like Pema Chodron) which offer a different view on what we are here for. I believe in life offering us lessons to learn so that we are more connected to what we perceive as divinity. I view the issues with my daughter as an opportunity to grow, to heal, to learn and to help others. What has happened to me with my daughter and the choices I've made have brought me a new kind of peace of mind and clarity I didn't possess before. My strong intention at the beginning of the journey was to be able to have peace of mind regardless of what my daughter was up to..........and that intention has shifted my life in profound ways. I believe in doing no harm, having compassion, attempting not to judge, learning how to detach from outcomes, recognizing where I am attached and learning to let go because I believe in the Buddhist concept that suffering is caused by our attachments. I believe I (we) are here to experience love, to first love myself and out of that to love others........which sounds so simple and yet it has been the journey of a lifetime for me. I view the situation with my daughter from that spiritual point of view, to learn to love in a different way (and learning to love myself was the starting point. )</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 622879, member: 13542"] Good morning. My most helpful resource for understanding my daughter was an 18 month program I went through which was for codependency recovery through a large HMO Substance Abuse Center. I had a private therapist and a weekly support group lead by a therapist. The information and support I received there literally changed my life. I learned a lot of tools to shift the dynamic with my daughter, I learned how to detach and I received continual support in doing so. I learned about the dynamics which surround parents and their children who are mentally ill (or dealing with substance abuse, but that was not what I was there for) All the therapists involved, and there were many, have extensive training in just what I was going through and it moved me from a helpless victim of circumstances I had no control over to a person who was empowered with information, support, resources and a whole new path. Being here on this board and recognizing so many similarities in our difficult child's as well as how we parents suffer in so many similar ways helped tremendously. I found a place I felt understood and supported and that made a big difference. I found an offshoot of NAMI and met with Social Workers there and took classes. The Social Workers were offering the same information and support as the therapists and this site.......[I]learn to detach. [/I] Probably the single most important thing I have done to keep myself healthy is acupuncture. It brings the body to a deep place of rest and relaxation. I've been doing that for over 20 years but during the worst of the process with my daughter, it helped tremendously to keep bringing me back to relaxation. I amped up self care in all areas, more exercise, more meditation, more sleep, I eliminated sugar, coffee, dairy, gluten and started a very healthy, clean diet. I have massages, do many nurturing things for myself and make my stress reduction a priority. Keeping myself in peaceful environments and keeping myself calm and comforted makes a big difference. My SO and I have very good communication, so we talk about everything. He was a major support through the hardest difficult child times. We have dates. We go to the ocean or to the city every single weekend. We take either the whole day or the whole weekend and take off. We hike almost everyday, it is a good time to just check in with each other. We also laugh a lot, laughing is a great release and it's fun! He and I have a similar sense of humor so laughter has always been a big part of our life together. Leaving town each week was a big thing, for me there was something so healing about going far away from home, as we would get further and further away it was as if I left all the problems with my daughter at home........that distance really helped a lot. I have always had a strong spiritual connection in my life. I have developed a strong internal life. I read a lot of books, (like Pema Chodron) which offer a different view on what we are here for. I believe in life offering us lessons to learn so that we are more connected to what we perceive as divinity. I view the issues with my daughter as an opportunity to grow, to heal, to learn and to help others. What has happened to me with my daughter and the choices I've made have brought me a new kind of peace of mind and clarity I didn't possess before. My strong intention at the beginning of the journey was to be able to have peace of mind regardless of what my daughter was up to..........and that intention has shifted my life in profound ways. I believe in doing no harm, having compassion, attempting not to judge, learning how to detach from outcomes, recognizing where I am attached and learning to let go because I believe in the Buddhist concept that suffering is caused by our attachments. I believe I (we) are here to experience love, to first love myself and out of that to love others........which sounds so simple and yet it has been the journey of a lifetime for me. I view the situation with my daughter from that spiritual point of view, to learn to love in a different way (and learning to love myself was the starting point. ) [/QUOTE]
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