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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 623125" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>That happens to me too, BITS. This may help: Do some journaling about how you want this to look, about what changes you hope for from the choices you made when you decided you wanted things to be different, for your family. You decided to stand up to the status quo of a son who assaults his mother, of a grandfather who negates the seriousness of that pattern in the family, and of that same father believing his only value is the money he uses to dominate his family. </p><p></p><p>It was for this dream of change that you stood up, BITS.</p><p></p><p>And it is worth it. Even if you never see those dreams come to fruition BITS, you took the courage to stand up, to declare to, and for, your family that there was a better way to be a family; that there was a better way to love. </p><p></p><p>You know your son is physically safe. Yes, he is living in the scorpion's den...but maybe BITS, that is the only way he could learn why the old family patterns were wrong, were harmful.</p><p></p><p>Family is meant to strengthen us. If something else is happening instead and we can see it, we really do need to stand up, to say what we see. Really? We are standing for all the future generations of our families. The fight is worth it, BITS.</p><p></p><p>I think the scariest times for me were the middle of the night worries when I couldn't find a place to stand. I too found myself circling and circling the worst of it. I read somewhere that our egos do this to us on purpose, to get our attention.</p><p></p><p>Change the story, BITS.</p><p></p><p>You did not stand up as you have ~ to your son, to your own father, a huge influence in your life ~ so you could back down now because everything did not fall into place as easily as baking a cake.</p><p></p><p>You <u>are</u> strong enough to stay the course, BITS. You did not create a drama because you had nothing better to do. You called this battle on your terms and your motives were pure and right.</p><p></p><p>You may not see your family dynamic changed all at once, BITS. I am not seeing that in my family of origin, either. But I know why I did what I chose, with both eyes open, to do.</p><p></p><p>If nothing else, you and I have changed the currents and maybe even the course of the river of our family history, BITS.</p><p></p><p>Determine that you will remember a few key phrases from your journaling when you awaken in the night. Be determined to repeat those phrases and remember that you knew this wasn't going to be easy or pleasant when you began it, and that you know the value in it. </p><p></p><p>Your cause is just.</p><p></p><p>Complete the episode with the Serenity Prayer. Repeat it (as was told to me) until it works. Repeat it with sadness, pain, determination ~ you will find a myriad of emotions surfacing as you repeat that prayer, again and again.</p><p></p><p>It isn't easy to confront family patterns, BITS. But it isn't easy to just keep accepting them, hoping things will get better if we are kind enough, if we are generous and pleasant. In my family? That translates as "easy mark."</p><p></p><p>Ha!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>WalMart sells an over the counter, herbal medication called Calms Forte. It runs about $5 a bottle. It is non-addictive. I still don't take it unless I can't manage that circling, worried stress, that kind that builds up and up in the night until you can't stand it.</p><p></p><p>Nyquil makes something just for sleep, too.</p><p></p><p>I try to be hyper-aware of the potential for addiction.</p><p></p><p>Menopause began, for me, with disrupted sleep patterns. I just wasn't sleeping well. Then, I just wasn't sleeping. This began in my thirties. I am 62, now. It still happens. It is still cyclic. You may need to address the sleep issue on the physical level. I developed anxiety, word searching, heart pounding, night sweats ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), it was awful. My point is that this may be a piece of the puzzle for you too, BITS. </p><p></p><p>Of all the physical things I tried (and I did not do estrogen) B vitamins helped me the most, during this time.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you posted about this, BITS. So many of us go through that middle of the night hellishness alone. Your post will help so many, BITS.</p><p></p><p>Will you post on how you dealt with it, what worked, what didn't?</p><p></p><p>This thought comforts me, too. difficult child daughter shared this with me, actually. Three o'clock in the morning is when, all over the world...women seem to wake up. I began checking the time. Sure enough. Three a.m.</p><p></p><p>So now, even when I cannot sleep, even if it isn't 3 a.m. yet...I think about, wonder about, all the mothers, all around the world, who may be up right at that moment, just like me.</p><p></p><p>It comforts me, to think of all of us, awake and watching the stars.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 623125, member: 17461"] That happens to me too, BITS. This may help: Do some journaling about how you want this to look, about what changes you hope for from the choices you made when you decided you wanted things to be different, for your family. You decided to stand up to the status quo of a son who assaults his mother, of a grandfather who negates the seriousness of that pattern in the family, and of that same father believing his only value is the money he uses to dominate his family. It was for this dream of change that you stood up, BITS. And it is worth it. Even if you never see those dreams come to fruition BITS, you took the courage to stand up, to declare to, and for, your family that there was a better way to be a family; that there was a better way to love. You know your son is physically safe. Yes, he is living in the scorpion's den...but maybe BITS, that is the only way he could learn why the old family patterns were wrong, were harmful. Family is meant to strengthen us. If something else is happening instead and we can see it, we really do need to stand up, to say what we see. Really? We are standing for all the future generations of our families. The fight is worth it, BITS. I think the scariest times for me were the middle of the night worries when I couldn't find a place to stand. I too found myself circling and circling the worst of it. I read somewhere that our egos do this to us on purpose, to get our attention. Change the story, BITS. You did not stand up as you have ~ to your son, to your own father, a huge influence in your life ~ so you could back down now because everything did not fall into place as easily as baking a cake. You [U]are[/U] strong enough to stay the course, BITS. You did not create a drama because you had nothing better to do. You called this battle on your terms and your motives were pure and right. You may not see your family dynamic changed all at once, BITS. I am not seeing that in my family of origin, either. But I know why I did what I chose, with both eyes open, to do. If nothing else, you and I have changed the currents and maybe even the course of the river of our family history, BITS. Determine that you will remember a few key phrases from your journaling when you awaken in the night. Be determined to repeat those phrases and remember that you knew this wasn't going to be easy or pleasant when you began it, and that you know the value in it. Your cause is just. Complete the episode with the Serenity Prayer. Repeat it (as was told to me) until it works. Repeat it with sadness, pain, determination ~ you will find a myriad of emotions surfacing as you repeat that prayer, again and again. It isn't easy to confront family patterns, BITS. But it isn't easy to just keep accepting them, hoping things will get better if we are kind enough, if we are generous and pleasant. In my family? That translates as "easy mark." Ha! :O) WalMart sells an over the counter, herbal medication called Calms Forte. It runs about $5 a bottle. It is non-addictive. I still don't take it unless I can't manage that circling, worried stress, that kind that builds up and up in the night until you can't stand it. Nyquil makes something just for sleep, too. I try to be hyper-aware of the potential for addiction. Menopause began, for me, with disrupted sleep patterns. I just wasn't sleeping well. Then, I just wasn't sleeping. This began in my thirties. I am 62, now. It still happens. It is still cyclic. You may need to address the sleep issue on the physical level. I developed anxiety, word searching, heart pounding, night sweats ~ Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), it was awful. My point is that this may be a piece of the puzzle for you too, BITS. Of all the physical things I tried (and I did not do estrogen) B vitamins helped me the most, during this time. I am glad you posted about this, BITS. So many of us go through that middle of the night hellishness alone. Your post will help so many, BITS. Will you post on how you dealt with it, what worked, what didn't? This thought comforts me, too. difficult child daughter shared this with me, actually. Three o'clock in the morning is when, all over the world...women seem to wake up. I began checking the time. Sure enough. Three a.m. So now, even when I cannot sleep, even if it isn't 3 a.m. yet...I think about, wonder about, all the mothers, all around the world, who may be up right at that moment, just like me. It comforts me, to think of all of us, awake and watching the stars. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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