Rejection

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by PonyGirl65, Apr 6, 2017.

  1. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    I posted an update in PE forum a few weeks ago, how I made the incredibly hard decision to leave my job of 27 years.

    I'm still unemployed, still actively looking for work. Attended my first Job Fair yesterday - what a trip! Soooo not used to "selling myself" to prospective employers. 'Hire me! I'm so great!' ;)

    Today I got two rejections on prospective employment opportunities. Yeah. Not one. Two. TWO.

    I know it's all part of "The Plan" that my Higher Power has for me. I know the "one door closes and another opens" philosophy.

    But. It's hard not to feel rejected.

    I will just keep on keepin' on. But. It's hard not to feel rejected.

    And my husband is super supportive! And I have really supportive friends! But. It's hard not to feel rejected.

    So, I wanted to vent. And to share with you all here. Because I know you care. And you all have great uplifting words. And. I am feeling rejected.

    ~ Peace
     
  2. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Hang in there, Ponygirl. Do you have any groups in your area to help with job searches? My sister has difficulty staying employed due to health issues. She is actively involved with a group called Career Prospectors. They help you do things like update your resume, network, and teach computer classes. You will find something somewhere.
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, Ponygirl. Is there any kind of professional's network you can check with? Or Workforce Connection? Don't know what it would be called in your area, but they do the resume and job search assistance thing, similar to what Pigless says.
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Some people say working with an agency is good. You can get temporary jobs and a lot of times they hire you. Good way to try it out!

    I'm employed but I'd be open to doing that if I were looking.
     
  5. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Keep on rolling! The right fit will come along before you know it. Look at rejections like this...You wouldn't be happy there! Your right, there is a plan for you.

    Head up Buttercup....you know your worth and the right one will too!!!!!
     
  6. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    Thanks everyone. :) Yes, I am signed up with my state Job Search agency. I am also working with my state Dept of Vocational Rehab, to see if they can help with job re-training costs.

    I have applied at dozens of places. And I will continue to do so. Just a tough one today.

    I am dealing with A LOT of resentment towards my former employer, as well. And, feeling that rejection on top of the work-search stuff too.

    They changed software and then refused to train me. They kept telling me to "google it" or "youtube it" and I kept insisting that I needed an actual professional. They continued to say No, and to say I should find 'free stuff".

    Now, I see that they have retained the exact same professional trainer that I had requested back in January.

    While this action by them further reinforces my belief that I did the exact right thing by leaving, it also infuriates me. WHY!!! If they were going to hire that same pro to do the set up on the new software, WHY didn't they do that when I asked??!! WHY did they wait until a month after I'm GONE to do that!?

    I'm mad. :devilish: And hurt. :cry:

    And I'll get over it but first I gotta go through it. UGH!

    ~ Peace
     
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  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    First. I can do nothing about your feelings. You will feel as you feel. But I would hire you in a heartbeat. Just. like. that.

    I want to insert something here first, before you continue on my post (if you do--uh oh. I am feeling rejected here.) There has to be a statistic that would be readily available on the internet of how many interviews we need to go on, before we land a job. I think I used to know, but it is lots and lots. Nobody gets a result after their second or fifth interview, I do not think.

    But anyway, this was a useful post to me to read and to respond to, because I have been dealing with something similar because I am starting to live again after a long time half-dead. And like Rip Van Winkle, I am not the same person I was as before I went to sleep.

    Everybody that posts regularly must know that I spent years in bed grieving my mother. And I am waaaay better, after 3.5 years. And grateful for it. There was a time I thought I would never feel better. But I do.

    Well. 3.5 years in bed or the house does not do one good thing for self-confidence. Not to mention gaining 55 pounds of which only 25 pounds is lost.

    I am going on the long train trip to a big city across country that has been in the planning stage for over 3 years. M cannot go with me and I am going alone. While I did a whole lot of traveling some years ago, I have made only two big trips since, both 2 years before my mother's death--that would be 5 plus years ago.

    I have been reaching out by email to dance teachers, to synagogues, to therapists, etcetera, to try to put into place the support network I lack where I live (small city). The idea is that if I like it there, we will move for at least part of the year.

    I am 10 years older than I was when I danced. 45 pounds heavier. My hair is silver/gray. I am on social security. The rejection--I play out in my head. When they see me they will think: old lady. Who does she think, wanting to dance, still?

    You see. I begin treating myself like a thing, not the treasure that I am. Pony. You are a treasure. We are our own treasures. What we are going through now is happening to HELP US REMEMBER THIS: That we are our own treasures.

    It is funny. When I go to Home Depot, where I go several times a week, I do not put myself down this way. I do not put myself down here in my town. I feel confident. I do not put myself in anybody's head. They are entitled to their own thought about me, themselves or anybody. And I own mine. And I am my own little flower. I am precious to me.

    Thank you Ponygirl. I needed to remember that.


    It is a terrible thing really, the JOB MARKET, when we put ourselves out as THE PRODUCT, in the form of offering our labor for sale. How in the world could it not be demeaning or degrading? But this is the society we live in. Women feeling they will be valued as commodities. Well. I am certainly past my pull date. Job seekers knowing that they will be valued or not as objects or in terms of their utility...rather than their personhood.

    My sister very much wanted to get married a 3rd time. She found prospective partners (and eventually married one) on the internet. I asked her: isn't the rejection hard? No, she replied. You get used to it. She had somehow managed to turn off that tape in her head...the demeaning and degraded tape that I still play. Imagining what is in somebody's head, about me.

    All I can say is I sat on hiring panels. And their was NEVER agreement about who to hire. I was always opinionated about who was the best, who was stellar, outstanding and so forth. I just knew who was the best and the brightest. The most dynamic with the most potential. And my colleagues always wanted the mediocre candidate who I felt brought not one thing to the table. So the thing is this whole thing is subjective. It is all rigged.

    So many people have not liked me, it is not even funny. Actually, that is helpful to remember, because I need to get over the idea that it matters. It is far easier and saner for me to assume that every single other person has the right to dislike me--so that I am grateful beyond measure when somebody does. Maybe that is what my sister knew. She could care less whether those men liked her. Until the right one did. (Actually, I think he is a jerk.)
     
  8. MyFriendKita

    MyFriendKita Member

    I wanted to second what RN0441 said. A temporary agency is a great way to get your foot in the door, and there are a lot of temp-to-hire positions out there. It sounds like you are in the accounting field (so am I!), or some related field, so I would especially recommend a temporary agency that specializes in placing those kinds of workers. There is a national company that does so, but I don't know if it's okay to mention the name. You probably know of them, but I don't know if you have an office close by.

    That is how I found both of my jobs in the accounting field. I was fired from the first one in circumstances somewhat similar to yours, and I, too, was very resentful. New owners came in and decided to hire an old friend for my position, with no warning to me. Additionally, they promised me a severance package they did not follow through with, so I had that resentment on top of their decision to let me go and put their friend in my position. I again went to the agency that had placed me before, and they found another position for me (although it took a few months, and I was getting very worried).

    When they called to place me, in my mind, I only took the job temporarily. The company that had fired me asked me to come back (which, of course, made me feel terrific). And this new company was a small, family-owned business, and I wasn't sure it was a good fit for me. Being so small, I wasn't sure there was any way for me to advance. There were only two people in the accounting department, so to move up, my boss would have to leave. But she loved her job, and was very good at it. After five years, though, she decided to resign, and I did get her position. In August, I will have been there thirteen years, and we are all like a big family. I have been able to get my difficult child a job there, which he used as a spring board to an even better job at another company. Right now his girlfriend (also a difficult child, of course!) is also working where I work, and doing very well. And the company that was going to bring me back decided not to bring me back after all (they were going to expand, but then decided not to).

    I know it is very demoralizing to keep getting rejected, but from what you said, you absolutely made the right decision. You sound like you would be a great asset to any company, and I know you will find a company that realizes that.
     
  9. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    There is a temp placing agency that I am in contact with. They have many many positions available, however those require traveling 50 miles south. I'm not willing to do that. I would travel 50 miles north, but not south. I did stop in at their booth at the Job Fair and they were very friendly and encouraging, understanding too that I did not want to go to the next big town to the south. They said they didn't have any positions available to the north, but they took my resume and arranged a call with me for next week, and said things pop up all the time.

    So, we'll see!!

    Thanks for the helpful insight and compassion :)

    ~ Peace
     
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  10. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Ponygirl. No advice . . . just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and sending good thoughts for finding just the right job.

    ~Kathy
     
  11. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    Maybe this could be helpful, PonyGirl?

    "Do not fear rejection. Assume it."

    I found that quote on the internet. There was no author credited, but it helped me very much to think about rejection in this way during a time in my life when it seemed like all I heard from everywhere was some version of "No, thanks". (Sometimes with profanity. :eek: ) How we think about our situations defines us to ourselves. Deciding to leave your former position took strength and courage. This job search, and the rejection attending it, is difficult, but there is nothing unexpected happening, here. Remembering to think about rejection in this way helps us (helped me, for sure) put the feelings in perspective. Wishing you every success, Pony.

    Cedar
     
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  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I love that, Ceder. Do not fear it. Assume it.

    Brilliant.
     
  13. PonyGirl65

    PonyGirl65 Active Member

    That does help, Cedar, thanks! I realize now, I didn't realize I wouldn't be hired at a new job right away. Truly, it just never occurred to me. That last job interview I went on...was 27 years ago. I applied and interviewed and was hired for the job that I just left. I just never had to struggle to be employed, so it never crossed my mind that it would be this long.

    It does help to switch the perspective like that. I just was at a low point, having a bad day. And I'm still dealing with a LOT of resentment towards my former employers. Well, just one person. I'm sure that resentment is holding me back, attitude-wise. "Justified anger is still anger" keeps ringing through my mind. I have some processing to do in that regard. For now, I'm holding on to it. I know when I'm ready, I will let it go.

    It's been 7 weeks. My funds are running out. I have some options as far as money, but I do need to go back to work full time; I am not able to retire at this juncture. I will keep on keeping on, and do the next right thing.

    ~ Peace
     
  14. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    What do you know about whether this person has caused problems for other employees, PonyGirl? A job happily and successfully held for twenty-seven years in which, all at once it seems, things go ugly...what do you know about the person you feel resentment toward? Factual things, times when this person has created ugliness and dissension for others in the work environment? Might you have been targeted by someone who routinely does such things? There is no recourse when we are targeted in these ways, and the person responsible for smearing others is seldom caught out ~ but such targeting does happen. You would never be able to voice such suspicions without looking like a terrible person yourself, but...I don't know, PonyGirl. Twenty-seven years that suddenly blows up into a situation in which the only solution is to leave the job.... Something else was happening, there. It might be that you were very wise to leave when you did.

    Cedar