RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I need some emotional support today.
On Friday afternoon, my son who was in sober living in Florida (third one since March) told my husband he was going to leave the place he was at because a kid stole his money and he got into a fight. My husband wanted me to call the place to see what the truth was. Felt son was possibly making this up so he could leave.
I found out from the owner that my son failed a drug test. Had gotten benzos from a doctor there who did not know he was an addict. The owner offered to send him to a higher level of care, son said no and packed all his stuff into his (our) car. The owner knew son was high and his car was blocked in so he left it like that. There was no fight and no money stolen.
Son denied the benzo use to husband and said the test was a false positive but we knew he was lying. He then started texting middle of the night that he was sitting outside and what should he do. He had nowhere to go, no money, etc. I had told him earlier to go to a shelter or to another facility. We were not going to pay for him to be high. He said he was DONE with all of that. No more rehab/sober living. He has been in them six months!! This is all by text.
Saturday morning my husband was at an all day trade show and son started texting me that it's my fault I ever got him on benzos for his anxiety and that in the 70's "failed" parents would not even have a place like that to sent their kids. I told him we did not fail him, HE failed him. He left message for husband that he should be ashamed he was not paying for his college after grandpa left money to us. We do plan to help him with college IF he's SOBER.
Then he said he was going to hang himself from a lifeguard stand on Monday if we didn't either get him a ticket home or get him a place to live. I was a nervous wreck. I called my husband (poor guy trying to work) and he said that son would never do that and to block him. I did end up blocking him.
I texted his house manager from the first place he was at in March who I am very fond of and asked him if he would contact Jake because I was scared that he was threatening suicide. I was in a panic. What if he did do it? He said he would reach out. He later got back to me that son was at his girlfriend and could stay there through the weekend and he would touch base with him Monday (today). He said son got mad at him because he got on him. He said he has such a sense of entitlement that he's better than the rest and deserves to be catered to. He feels son is not ready to change and that he hasn't suffered enough or gotten sick of it. We are not wealthy. We did not give our son as much as lots of people we know. I don't know why he is like this.
Son later told husband he has an interview today at Publix. Husband said get a job and go to a sober living there and call me.
Husband is once again dealing with our son. He told me to keep him blocked for a long time. I am so thankful for this. I try not to think about this but as we all know it's so very hard.
I now know what it feels like to go to bed and not know where my son is for the first time and it's horrible and I know that many of you deal with this. I pray for your continued strength.
On Friday afternoon, my son who was in sober living in Florida (third one since March) told my husband he was going to leave the place he was at because a kid stole his money and he got into a fight. My husband wanted me to call the place to see what the truth was. Felt son was possibly making this up so he could leave.
I found out from the owner that my son failed a drug test. Had gotten benzos from a doctor there who did not know he was an addict. The owner offered to send him to a higher level of care, son said no and packed all his stuff into his (our) car. The owner knew son was high and his car was blocked in so he left it like that. There was no fight and no money stolen.
Son denied the benzo use to husband and said the test was a false positive but we knew he was lying. He then started texting middle of the night that he was sitting outside and what should he do. He had nowhere to go, no money, etc. I had told him earlier to go to a shelter or to another facility. We were not going to pay for him to be high. He said he was DONE with all of that. No more rehab/sober living. He has been in them six months!! This is all by text.
Saturday morning my husband was at an all day trade show and son started texting me that it's my fault I ever got him on benzos for his anxiety and that in the 70's "failed" parents would not even have a place like that to sent their kids. I told him we did not fail him, HE failed him. He left message for husband that he should be ashamed he was not paying for his college after grandpa left money to us. We do plan to help him with college IF he's SOBER.
Then he said he was going to hang himself from a lifeguard stand on Monday if we didn't either get him a ticket home or get him a place to live. I was a nervous wreck. I called my husband (poor guy trying to work) and he said that son would never do that and to block him. I did end up blocking him.
I texted his house manager from the first place he was at in March who I am very fond of and asked him if he would contact Jake because I was scared that he was threatening suicide. I was in a panic. What if he did do it? He said he would reach out. He later got back to me that son was at his girlfriend and could stay there through the weekend and he would touch base with him Monday (today). He said son got mad at him because he got on him. He said he has such a sense of entitlement that he's better than the rest and deserves to be catered to. He feels son is not ready to change and that he hasn't suffered enough or gotten sick of it. We are not wealthy. We did not give our son as much as lots of people we know. I don't know why he is like this.
Son later told husband he has an interview today at Publix. Husband said get a job and go to a sober living there and call me.
Husband is once again dealing with our son. He told me to keep him blocked for a long time. I am so thankful for this. I try not to think about this but as we all know it's so very hard.
I now know what it feels like to go to bed and not know where my son is for the first time and it's horrible and I know that many of you deal with this. I pray for your continued strength.