Relapse. Blew a .23 last Sunday.

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by in a daze, Feb 9, 2018.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    i usually post in Parents Emeritus. Some of you know me.

    After 11 months of independent living ( spent three years in sober living before that) he is drinking again. Brought him to ER Last Sunday. They said alcohol level was not high enough for admission.

    Now at University medical center in ER again. Drunk. And it's his birthday. Plan is to transfer him to detox. When he sobers up. I have his wallet and his jacket. In case he has other ideas.

    My husband and I are beyond devastated.
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Daze,
    I am so sorry, there are no words.
    Circling the wagons and praying this is a temporary setback.
    Big gentle hugs.
  3. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    I am heart broken for you. I too pray this is a temporary relapse. Big hugs to you.
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Two relapses this week. He called me. He's got his phone. He says his credit card is on his phone. He says he's leaving. He's refusing detox. It's really cold out. He is not in a great neighborhood. I thought they would convince him to be transferred.

    This is awful.
  5. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thank you Leafy and LBL. Spoke to psychiatric resident. They have a 72 hour hold on him now and are working on transferring him to a dual diagnosis unit. At least he won't be out in the mean streets.
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  6. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    I am so sorry. I know we’re supposed to be prepared for relapse but even when you know intellectually, it still breaks your heart, especially after such a long run.

    My son did after 19 months. My brother did after 4 years. Both first got sober after episodes of blackout binge drinking. My son has been sober again for about 6 weeks, but isn’t embracing a lifetime of sobriety. My brother has been sober for 20 years.

    I know that doesn’t foretell anything for your family. I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I felt like doom and dread for me.
  7. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thank you Sam. He moved out of Sober living March 1st. He was doing well the first few months, then things slowly started to go downhill. Two work suspensions, not responding to our texts, showing up late or not at all for doctor/ therapy appointments, hasn't had a haircut in months.

    He can't take care of himself.
  8. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I’m sorry, Daze. It hurts so much to see them slip, even though we know that relapses happen to anyone, at any time, for any reason...or sometimes no reason at all. This disease is so humbling.

    You’ve got this, Daze. You’ve been through it before and know this is out of your hands. I truly do believe they learn from their slips.

    What great support you are giving him, just in the simple act of making it harder for him to leave, to maybe give him pause.

    I pray these 72 hours will give him a clear head and a realization that he doesn’t want to go back to that way of living.
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  9. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, I'm so very sorry. The disappointment is staggering.
    At least he's not on the street today.
    We're all here for you, you're not alone......
    Hang in there IAD.
    Sending prayers for your family and big hugs for you.....
  10. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry, Daze

    Hubby just said this exact same thing about his older son this morning. I don’t know what to think about that.

    He has never stopped the drugs/drinking. Doesn’t bathe, groom and wash his clothing like most adults do.

    He does OK for a period of time, works and lives independently, but it never lasts.

    We are not sure if we should do anything, or what there even would be to do if we wanted to. If we could fix him, we would.

    Nothing has helped so far.

    Keep us posted.

  11. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks Alba, I think I do. Although it's killing me....
  12. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Hugs for your hurting mommy ❤.
  13. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Prayers that this is a short relapse.
  14. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Saw him at the hospital. Defiant and determined to return to work and his former living quarters. Told him his rent was due March 1st and it was on him if he didn't comply and at least go back to sober living. His reply: "I'll figure it out"

    He walked out on us during the visit.

    Hope he doesn't crash and burn.
  15. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Sigh. When I think of all the stuff we've done for him. Time to stop. So very tired of it all.
  16. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    We all reach that point i have said it many times. Time to give yourself a break do something for you and your hubby.
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    (((((hugs))))) Such an ugly, awful disease. I am truly sorry.

    It sounds like he just isn't ready to be sober without the supports of a sober living house, but how do you make someone stay? If only there was some magic bit of advice to make this all better at least for you and your hubby.
  18. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    In A Daze:

    Just caught up on your post. I'm so sorry this happened. Why do they think they can have "just one"?

    I don't know what to say because there is nothing anyone can say except that we are here to support you and you need to take care of YOU too.

    Hugs, prayers and strength for a better tomorrow.
  19. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry Daze. I've been on the receiving end of those "conversations" before too, and it is awful. They can be such stone cold sociopaths when they are ramping up or down from a drunk.

    With a BAC that high he might STILL not be thinking clearly. Or maybe the anger is good in a way -- maybe this is him struggling against finally accepting that he just can't drink anymore, period.
  20. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Yes you can not fix this. Love says no and steps out of their way. He has to want this to be fixed. If we could do it for them none of us would be here. Although true this statement turns me inside out most days.
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