Relapse Likely Coming

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by AmericanGirl, Nov 15, 2012.

  1. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    difficult child got paid today. Texted me to say he would be in town tomorrow. Told him he couldn't afford the gas.

    His check was $224 for two weeks. His rent is $290 per pay period. He's already two weeks behind. difficult child only worked about 14 hours this week. Claims he can't work more because then he couldn't go to meetings, etc. <cue sad violin music>

    He also told me he was swapping his food stamps for gas/cigarettes at the local quick mart. He denied that was illegal.

    difficult child came back here two weeks ago. I know he was with a lot of old playmates. I'm not financing that. Told him so. He basically told me I was stressing him out to the point he was going to relapse and it would all be my fault.

    I hung up on him. difficult child called back. I told him I would not be threatened or abused. As soon as I said that, the sober house manager returned my call so I hung up on difficult child again and took the call. (Yeah, I know I shouldn't hang up on him but I'm truly afraid if I don't back off at the moment that I will explode with anger and make everything worse.)

    It seems difficult child told him that the manager was getting a check for $275 soon which would go for the rent. That's for the reinstatement fee for his license (I found out it would be refunded as he was found not guilty). That's MY money as I paid for it. Sober house manager didn't know that.

    Told him about everything I knew about difficult child's recent activities. He said he would talk to him tomorrow. I am to call manager after 4:30 p.m. for an update.

    While we were talking, difficult child kept calling my cell and the house. I didn't answer. Afterward, I saw difficult child posted on FB something like I'm about ready to say f&^% this place. Then it was 'that it will be like the Holocaust times three.' Then, 'expect the unexpected.' It's beginning to sound like threats.

    I looked at his FB messages. Someone asked him what was up. He rplied "I got this. It's a strategy."

    However, the old girlfriend...the one he plans to stay with tomorrow night who supposedly supports him in sobriety, clicked she liked his status. Hmmmm

    If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...well, you know the rest of that.

    So, I called my sponsor and promised him I would not look at FB for the rest of the night. I texted a few friends to let them know I needed prayers. I would appreciate your prayers too.

    I am worn out from dealing with difficult child. I will NOT be his scapegoat for another relapse. His sobriety is HIS, not mine.

    Anyhow, going to work late tonight until I can fall asleep easily. Promised my sponsor I'd call first thing in the morning.

    Thanks for giving me a place to vent my feelings. It helps.
  2. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    AG: I'm so sorry that your difficult child is out of control. What do you think he means by the Holocaust message? Is he threatening to hurt someone?

    I am sending you wishes for strength to deal with your difficult child. I know how hard this is, and I am so glad that you have a sponsor to help you. Many HUGS to you, warrior mom.
  3. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    Thank you PV.

    Yes, I think it is meant for me. I believe he is trying to control me.

    By scaring me, I believe he hopes to get me to stand by and allow him to do whatever he wants.
  4. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Guest

    He left the sober house. Manager said he took everything and has a pint bottle of alcohol.

    I asked whether he thought I should try to have him picked up. He said yes as he might be a danger. Called the local PD and told them where he was, where he just left, that he had liqour and was not authorized to use my vehicle.

    I am to call back in 30 minutes.
  5. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

    So sorry. You must be worried sick. Update us when you can.
  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my AG,

    I am sending up prayers for strength too.
    Please keep us updated...You must be beside yourself right now.

    ps...You are SO right. This is difficult child's sobriety not yours. You are not responsible for the decisions difficult child is making right now.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry AG. It's all so predictable and it makes me I'll each time.

    You are right this is his sobriety to win or lose.
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2012
  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Prayers for your safety and serenity.
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I'm so sorry that you are going through this again. I'm glad that you have a sponsor to help you. We're here for you, too.

  10. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I'm more worried about your safety than his sobriety right now. I hope the cops picked him up. I don't like the sound of that threat, even if it is bluster. And I wouldn't trust anyone, even girlfriend, if they "like" his foul FB posts.
  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    AG - I am sorry you are going through this... it really is such an awful feeling of disappointment and pure worry!! My sense from your posts is that he had already relapsed when you started to suspect he was going to. To me his nastiness and threat of relapsing if you didnt do x... was a sign he had already relapsed or was preparing to. I think when someone is really in recovery they dont talk that way.

    I knew at one point when we visited my son in Fl when he was in a sober house... he just got antsy and kind of nasty when we were only there a short time... I had the feeling then he was relapsing and he was. It is one reason why I have decided I will not go and visit or see my son if I know he is using because he just plain is not pleasant to be around. When they are using they want drugs and they will do whatever they need to do to get them, and will manipulate in whatever way they think will work... and have absolutely no consideration for your feelings at that point.

    And yes his sobriety is his and his alone.

  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree with TL. They told us in recovery that by the time the addict relapses they have been considering it for quite a while and often look for an opportunity to make it someone else's fault. Looking back on it every time difficult child relapsed I saw it coming but didn't admit it.
  13. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh honey,I don't know what to say. You have been strong and so steadfast in your love and support of your son. You deserve to be put on a pedestal by him- not to be a scapegoat. While I know you realize that it's the substances that are talking - I know that it hurts too. {{hugs}}

    I will be thinking if you lots, please stay in touch.

  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    My heart is with you right now AG. I know exactly every emotion you are going through right now. We had such hopes our children were finally going to be normal and live healthy lives. It is even worse when you see them doing so good to only toss it all away.

    Thank you for saying it was his sobriety - reminds me that my difficult child's sobriety was hers, too. Not mine.

    Stay strong...
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    AG when I was reading your post this morning when I woke up it brought me right back to the times my difficult child left the sober houses and relapsed. The one thing I remember more clearly than anything else is how quickly my anger came back, almost like all the months when she was doing well never happened. I was right back where I started. and that's when I knew that I had to step away from that chaos if I ever expected to feel different.

    I'm really sorry you are going through this once again ;(.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending support your way and hoping he "gets it" before he makes big mistakes. Hugs DDD
  17. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Geez I'm so sorry AG, keep us updated, stay safe, stay strong, you're doing all the right things..............gentle hugs...........