Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Nov 14, 2010.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She left last night at 9 pm to hang out with two girls she works with. She assured us they were probably going to the movies and she would not be doing anything wrong.

    At 1:30 am we began texting and calling and when she finally answered our texts she told us she had relapsed all night and could not come home. She said we deserved better and she was probably goign to die that night. She said she loved us but that she couldn't come home.

    Devastated to say the least.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh wow. She needs to come down/off whatever she is using so she can think straight and make a choice here about which way she wants to go now. I guess that is saying the obvious. Hopefully, you'll here from her today. If she works with these girls, they can't stay high for days or they will all lose their jobs. Some friends they turned out to be, if they knew she was in a recovery program.

    I'm sorry. I really hope she ends up learning a lesson from this- not to play with fire- and gets back on track.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    klmno she wasn't with these girls. I checked the cell phone records and they were texting and calling her last night while she was suppose to be with them. If she was with them earlier she left to go somewhere else. She doesn;t have her car so she must be getting picked up from someone.

  4. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    *hugs* Nancy.
  5. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    So sorry, Nancy. I hope you hear from her today.

    Your family is in my prayers.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Nancy, relapsing is part of healing (as hard as it is). My daughter relapsed several times before she actually stopped. My suggestion is to get her to an AA meeting so she can hear from others that they have relapsed yet gotten passed it. It is not unusual at all and at least she has remorse and said she loves you. She is not the same defiant kid she was before she got help and you two have been awesome with her. Hang will get better
  7. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh Nancy, I so feel your heartbreak!! I am so sorry. However I do see a couple of positives. One when she responded she admitted she relapsed and two she obviously feels bad and ashamed about it. That is a very different place than where she was before she went to rehab and as I remember barely really admitted she had a problem. So my very real hope is when she sobers up she will come home and want some help and you can help her get to an AA meeting and go from there. Hugs, hugs, hugs.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, Nancy. Many hugs and prayers going out.
  9. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She sent me a text asking if she could come and get some clothes after work at 10 pm tonight. I told her no they were bought with our money ad they are ours. She asked if I could put some in a bag outside and I said no, I was not going to enable her. I told her I would call the police if she came. But I said if she wants to come home and get back on the program she could. She doesn't want to.

    I read a convo she had with someone in rehab with her and she said she is drinking every day.

  10. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh Nancy, I am so sorry. Gosh this disease is so heartbreaking for us isn't it. You are staying strong and clear which is great. Keep it up. I hope you have some good alanon meetings to go to.... I hope you can find some other parents there.. And above all take care of yourself. First things first and that is YOU.
  11. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh Nancy... a very gentle hug to you. This disease is just horrific... I ache for J too - that darn cycle of hope, relapse, worthlessness, and despair... it's so hard to pull back out.

    I just don't have the words, Nancy. You are all in my thoughts. I hope that this will be a temporary set back and that she is able to make the (difficult) right choice to get back in the program.

    Many hugs.
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member


    I think you handled that well. I think you should call that intensive therapist she's been seeing this morning and update her. Also, maybe try to get with your daughter for lunch (outside of your home) or somethinig to deter her from drinking for a few hours, if she will. I'm just thinking it might be worth a shot to help get her thinking with her brain before this binge goes on too long. on the other hand, the longer the binge lasts, the worse she'll feel at the end of it and the more it proves that she can't just go out and party one night- she truly has a serious problem. I hope with everything in me she comes to see this at some point. It's the alcohol doing the "thinking" for her right now.
  13. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    sending hugs for your disappointed mommy heart.
    I do hope she comes to her senses soon, and comes
    back for help. Fingers crossed.


  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh, honey, I am so so sorry!!!!! :(
  15. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Update She had to do floor set yesterday at work 6-11 pm. She texted me at 11 and said she was coming home, that she never wanted to feel like she did that night again and that she was done drinking. I asked if she was willing to get back on her program because those were the terms we agreed on for her living here and she said yes. So she came home, gave me a hug and we sat and talked. husband is out of town so easy child, her and I were there. She said her first relapse was about a week ago after an AA meeting that she went to with a girl she had been hanging with from another AA meeting. I knew this girl was going to be a problem. She was court ordered into rehab and hasn't accepted it. Anyway they went to her boyfriend's house and she had two beers. Then Saturday night she went to her co-workers house knowing that she would be drinking so she made the conscious decision. All she learned about the slippery slope of one drink didn't come back to her. She drank a case of 24 beers, threw up, passed out and doesn't remember much except that she almost got into a physical fight with her friend's ex-boyfriend. She said she tried to cut her throat (think that's her drama queen talking, no marks, she likes to have people save her).

    She had to get up at 6 am to go back and finish floor set and she's there now. She said she is going to an AA meeting today and reintroducing herself and calling her sponsor which she hasn't done for several days now. I asked her what changed her mind and she said she just decided she doesn't want to feel like that again and that she learned she can't be a social drinker (another lesson they drummed into her at rehab but evidently she didn't believe). Also she talked to her manager at work and she told her to go back home and get back on the program. And husband sent her several texts asking her to not give up on herself and to remember how good it felt when she was clean and sober.

    So for now she is home and hopefully recommitted to her program. I did really well this time. No crying or panicing. I teared up at one point when I was questioning what kind of friend lets you drink knowing you are in recovery but I was really in control. While I was very afraid that this would lead to her living on the street I did not try to rescue her. I am learning that this is her fight and I have no control over whether she wins. All we can do is tell her we love her and support her when she is in recovery.

    Thank you all for your support, it means everything to me, it's how I get through these difficult times.

  16. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy I am very glad to hear this. I think often those in recovery need to relapse to remind themselves they really can't do it like other people....I am glad this relapse did not last that long and that she called you. And good for you, you handled it great. You are an inspiration and I may have to remind myself of this down the road.
  17. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank goodness! It sounds like she was getting the stinking thinking last week that maybe she was cured now and then when two beers didn't send her reeling, she decided it would be ok to get drunk. The main thing is, she says she doesn't want to feel like koi anymore. I really hope this has taught her a lesson and that she doesn't need to go further backwards before going forward again. But, I really do think she got a good foundation and support system, outside of home as well as in it.

    And yes, you handled this extremely well!
  18. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Nancy, I just saw this. I'm sorry that she fell off the wagon but it sounds like she got herself back up out of that black hole.
    You did good!!!Hugs.
    I'm keeping a good thought for her. She has you and husband and easy child all fighting for her. She has love and she is blessed to have all of you.
  19. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Good grief about the last few days! :919Mad:

    Nancy, I am so proud of you. And I'm proud of J, too, for coming to her senses. I will hold a good thought for both of you.

  20. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Nancy,
    I just saw this thread. Oh, I am so impressed with you and your dtr!